I am feeling incredibly lonely

[rosequartz8]

I am usually not someone who dwells on things but it's like the loneliness has just crept up on me overnight. I was always a bit anxious and an introverted, I also have ADHD which was diagnosed only recently, however in the past 2 years since covid I struggle to be around anyone

The only 2 friends I have live on the opposite ends of the country. I recently reached out to one of them and she didn't want to speak to me and just asked if there was anyone else I could speak to. I have joined plenty of activities like book groups, walking groups etc but a lot of people don't really want to meet outside of the group

I see people constantly on social media going places and doing exciting things and I feel like I must be the only person who is this isolated. I hear honestly about how humans are social creatures and we need each other, but what if you have tried over and over and just don't make the connections?

I realise that luck also plays one part in things. Some people are lucky to have siblings or cousins they can socialise with, but sister has hated me from the day I was born and would physically push me away as a child if I tried to play with her. Any cousins I have also ignore me if they see me in public aswell. I try hard to not internalise things and to not think that it's just me, but it's incredibly difficult and is really starting to get me down.

I am in therapy but find it only helps so far because I still face the same loneliness

I'm sorry you feel this way - but rest assured you're not alone in feeling like this. Don't dwell on what others put on social media - it's a very, very edited view of what they're doing. Have you joined MeetUp? It's great for meeting people.

I hope you start to feel better soon

I could have written your post OP. I wish I had some practical advice but I just wanted to say that you're not alone in feeling the way you do

Have you looked at joining some of the groups on here? I have found nice friendships on some of the boards and enjoy chatting! Might be worth looking on some of the frugaleer chats or telly addicts chats, whatever you are interested in. Won’t cure real life loneliness but is a start!

Being lonley works for me. The more involved I become with people the more they push me away. I would rather be lonley and have my own piece of mind than keep questioning my own sanity.

Op stay lonely. You need no one but yourself.

Don't dwell no one is worth the energy level of dwelling. Stay in therapy if you feel it works for you. Your feelings are valid. And your self worth is more important. Than to dwell

I'm so sorry you feel this way. It's horrible. I've just pulled myself away from a set of friends who were doing more harm than good to my mental health. I feel incredibly lonely right now but I know this is better than always questioning and over thinking. I know that there will be other people and other friendships in some way, shape or form at some point in my life. Sending you a hug for solidarity 🤗

I’m lonely too OP. I think I’m so used to it now I don’t even always notice.

I was also recently diagnosed with adhd. Maybe we should start a group ☺️

Great book called www.amazon.co.uk/Freedom-Loneliness-Ways-Feeling-Lonely-ebook/dp/B007ATF748/ref=sr_1_1?crid=149YPUZ9ZFS4J&keywords=loneliness+jennifer+page&sprefix=loneliness+jennifer+page%2Caps%2C124&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1645892394&sr=8-1

78% of us feel lonely.

In your case keep going with therapy. You need to keep talking about that childhood trama.

Do you have children? can you volunteer as an adult helper for scouts or beavers?

Social sports are better eg netball club, tennis club etc then a book club

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Do you have a dog? or pet?

Do you work? our local town has friendship meet ups mon wed fri 2-4pm?

Are you isolated where you live? Would moving help?

Do you have any commitments during the week - work or volunteering? If you are involved with people with whom you have something in common (even work!) and interact with them then perhaps the quiet times at home won't feel as lonely. Are you able to share with us what a normal week looks like for you? I also agree that online friendship groups can help pass the time - try Attagirls, they are very kind and gentle on there and have plenty of interests.

I found getting a dog helped so much OP. He's company, always pleased to see me and I've got to know more people in my community in the year since getting a dog than in the 25 years before. The dog walking is great for wellbeing and also surprisingly social - dog owners often want to chat as our dogs play together and I now have a group of people I see most days.

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments and kindness, it means a lot to know that I'm not alone in this. I'm definitely going to limit my time on social media because I think that's made me feel worse. @Billandben444 I volunteered for quite a long time until I developed chronic fatigue (forgot to mention that in my post) so some days that can be incredibly debilitating, but I've found a charity shop where the management allow volunteers to come in on days when they feel upto it and there is no pressure so that could be something positive to do

I know it can’t be a replacement, but as a previous poster has said, a dog or cat can be surprisingly and joyously sweet and fulfilling company.

I was thinking earlier of writing this same post about myself. I feel very isolated at the moment. I’m a SAHM looking after a young disabled child. Social media makes it ten times worse for me so I avoid that where possible. I don’t really have any advice or I’d be following it myself but you are not alone x

If you have a local library they're often very flexible with volunteers' hours - a bit of strict ordering on the shelves is always welcomed and it's usually a peaceful environment.

I agree with getting a dog, I also started a weekly dog walking group and now I have friends I meet up with every Sunday for a walk and a chat.

Very lonely here too. But it's ok. I've had to walk away from a friendship where I was walking on eggshells, being misinterpreted and misunderstood: words twisted [purposely it seemed], my needs ignored and generally being resented. My mental health was being affected. It happened now and then years ago but escalated as time wore on.

So I'd rather be on my own, make my own life without constant compromising and trying to appease someone who will never be happy anyway.

It's liberating. I've got my peace of mind back. I don't lie awake feeling sick after a verbal attack.

Being alone isn't wonderful all the time, but no one is messing with your head. You are your own best friend. i hope you can find a place where you don't feel so lonely OP.

I live and work in an area a long way from family and friends and I would say owning a dog is why I know people in the community, we chat and pass the time of day and its really nice, if it wasn't for my dog I wouldn't know anyone here

I really like the idea of getting a dog and its definitely something I will think about because I see so many people in my local area walking dogs and dog walking groups aswell.

@leavingtime I'm so sorry to hear about that friendship you had. Sadly I had a similar friendship that ended about 2 years ago. It got to the point where practically everything I said was the wrong thing and it became exhausting and even though it does get lonely, I don't miss the tension of people like that in my life.

@Billandben444 I love the sound working as a library volunteer. I spend a lot of time in my local library anyway and love books

I can relate to what you're saying. I suspect I have ADHD too but I'm not diagnised.

I've got to the stage where it seems to be easier not to have friends!

Have a look at the Neurodiverse board. There's lots of us in the same boat.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters

diagnosed

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat (i love your username ) :) that's so wonderful that there is a neurodiverse board. I will definitely check it out

I was actually going to make a similar thread myself, I can relate so much. I know you probably don't believe it but you are not alone. So many others are feeling lonely and even more so since lockdown. Be gentle with yourself

So sorry op, just typed in loneliness tonight and came across your thread though you posted it a while back now. Wish I could offer words of comfort but so many of us on here probably relate

I'm lonely too. I have my dh, ds and dog. But dh is a bit of a solitary type not really one for socialising or even talking much. I got the dog for company but unfortunately he's a complete terror and has isolated me more because he needs lots of walks but I have to go alone due to his behaviour. No close family, my two oldest friends have grown apart . I have a few friends through ds but no close friendships. I work part time but work doesn't have a social aspect unfortunately. I just feel disconnected I'm not really on social media as it makes me sad seeing people enjoying themselves. I enjoy coming on here and giving my opinion even if no one's really listening 😂

In the same position, little support and not much luck with friends the last few years. Sending you a hug op