I am feeling incredibly lonely

[rosequartz8]

I am usually not someone who dwells on things but it's like the loneliness has just crept up on me overnight. I was always a bit anxious and an introverted, I also have ADHD which was diagnosed only recently, however in the past 2 years since covid I struggle to be around anyone

The only 2 friends I have live on the opposite ends of the country. I recently reached out to one of them and she didn't want to speak to me and just asked if there was anyone else I could speak to. I have joined plenty of activities like book groups, walking groups etc but a lot of people don't really want to meet outside of the group

I see people constantly on social media going places and doing exciting things and I feel like I must be the only person who is this isolated. I hear honestly about how humans are social creatures and we need each other, but what if you have tried over and over and just don't make the connections?

I realise that luck also plays one part in things. Some people are lucky to have siblings or cousins they can socialise with, but sister has hated me from the day I was born and would physically push me away as a child if I tried to play with her. Any cousins I have also ignore me if they see me in public aswell. I try hard to not internalise things and to not think that it's just me, but it's incredibly difficult and is really starting to get me down.

I am in therapy but find it only helps so far because I still face the same loneliness

I am currently reading this free download. I hope you might find it helpful @rosequartz8 xx
www.getlifeboat.com/thebook

I think more people are lonely than is acknowledged.
What your friend said to you was rubbish.

Do remember that on fb and insta, people generally post their highlights and not the rest of the times when their lives are uneventful or dull.

I don't know how helpful MN is to finding IRL friends, I did look at the local groups but they seem to be very quiet indeed, which is a shame but I guess if everyone is posting under a pseudonym, they don't want to out themselves via local group.

My life has changed a bit over the last few years, and I realised that although I rub along quite nicely with my family and a handful of good but not really close friends, I would like to develop a few more meaningful relationships.
I'm only half way in to the book but I have picked up some useful ideas and already made a couple of new, positive connections so I am feeling optimistic.
I really hope it helps someone else too

@Prettynails than you for your recommendation. I'm going to look at that one as well.

Also, I agree that sometimes finding friends is luck.

I haven't got any helpful suggestions about to do, though (apart from stepping away from social media for a bit).

But you're not alone in feeling this way.

I feel exactly the same way. I have given up trying to make friends because they are always nasty to me in the end.

I totally deleted Facebook and Instagram. They do have their uses but I found they impacted my mental well being. I don't feel jealous of what I see but I'd frequently feel irritated by it all. Yet I'd find myself looking at stuff that I knew would make me feel that way.
Deleting completely worked better for me, personally, than deactivating or attempting to limit my use.
I'm enjoying reconnecting with myself, contacts old and new, and hearing people's news the good old fashioned way instead of online.

My ddil is one of those people who's got loads of friends, and makes new ones no problem. She treats every stranger as though they're old friends who she's known for years. Luckily she treats me like an old friend too. I just wish I was like her. Luckily I'm not lonely but a lot of that's due to her.

How easily do you strike up conversations with strangers?

I am naturally terrible at this. I really do have to force myself most of the time at times

A few years ago, a friend's partner (very chatty, natural speaker, confident, works in sales) said he plans his conversations - literally writes down a few topics or points of interest that he could use in conversation. That's a level of commitment I don't have but it did demonstrate that even natural conversationalists not as natural as I had thought.