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Parent guilt re half term
62

INeedNewShoes · 25/02/2022 17:22

I bumped into another school parent, who in the space of the school holidays has taken her DC on four big days out (think exciting things requiring entry tickets that cost quite a bit of money).

Comparison really is the thief of joy. I hadn't really considered our half term plans until I had this conversation and realised that in comparison we've done so little that's exciting and if the teacher goes round the class asking what everyone's done, ours has been very very low key.

Reasons we haven't done much are that money is very tight at the moment but also DD and I are both a bit tired at the moment and so I didn't feel motivated to plan big days out. DD is in reception and is still adjusting to being at school. She seems to find the social elements of school hard work so it was intentional that I didn't line up social stuff with her peers.

We had friends (with older kids) to stay for the first few days but days out were hindered by the wind. She went to a fun birthday party. Otherwise we've gone for walks and today I took DD to an adventure playground we've never been to before. Indoors we've done a bit of baking together, watched a couple of films, made marble runs, drawing etc. and a fair bit of DD entertaining herself while I do other stuff that needs doing.

Clearly I'm after validation here but also maybe ideas of how to make some better plans for other school holidays.

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Sirzy · 25/02/2022 17:25

You have done plenty with her and been aware of what she needs in terms of rest.

Children don’t need lots of expensive days out. They often don’t appreciate them when they become expected. Some parents do it to make themselves look better but it doesn’t make them any better than any other parent

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TheMullerLightOwl · 25/02/2022 17:27

If your DD is exhausted, some down time at home was probably exactly what she needed. I remember loving the school holidays as a kid because I loved spending time at home playing with my toys, watching TV, maybe some baking, maybe a trip to the park.
I actually used to complain about days out as a kid as it was time away from my Barbie dolls Grin

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HavfrueDenizKisi · 25/02/2022 17:28

Completely agree with @Sirzy.

Kids need downtime too. And 4 expensive days out is ridiculous in my opinion - kids would have probably preferred one and days mooching around.

Also agree with the performance parenting aspect. Usually these days out are splashed all over Facebook which pretty much tells you everything.

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Bananasareyellow · 25/02/2022 17:29

Consider yourself validated :) Good job

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theskyispurple · 25/02/2022 17:30

Sometimes the joy is in the downtime, the lack of pressure, the just 'being'.... give your kids the words to describe that when they go back to school.

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RedskyThisNight · 25/02/2022 17:30

Don't worry about the round the class thing.
We 'd done a couple of quite exciting things one half term, but DS still claimed his favourite thing was "painting the garage". So as well as thinking his holiday must have been done, the teacher clearly thought we were exploiting child labour :)

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BusinessMindThoughts · 25/02/2022 17:31

I'm one of the few people i know who doesn't go away for every school holiday or go on loads of trips! We do the odd few bit the kids are going and quite happy to do stuff locally/at home for a bit. Obviously in the summer we do a bit more but half-term has never been a huge deal for us.

You're not alone!

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Moonshine160 · 25/02/2022 17:33

You’re completely right, comparison is the thief of joy. Your half term sounds fine and like you did plenty. As they grow up kids won’t remember the big days out and the money you spent. They’ll remember being with you and feeling happy, content and safe, regardless of where that was.

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clarepetal · 25/02/2022 17:33

I totally hear you OP. I see certain people put things on Facebook and feel I am doing cock all with my kids.
Then I realise that I'm not rich and have had some lovely days visiting family and having relaxing days which we need. Why does life have to be weekends away at theme parks. And more importantly why do these people have to post every single bloody thing they do? What have they got to prove is my thinking!
Your week sounds really nice to me Star

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clarepetal · 25/02/2022 17:34

"Performance parenting'!!!!! I love this, it's so true 👍

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mugoftea456 · 25/02/2022 17:36

I was so talking to my mum about this. She said she used to take us to zoos/farms/theme parks.

I days I remember as a child are the pjs days. The walks in the woods. The picnics in the living room. The den building.

Don't think spending money makes memories! Go easy on yourself.

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Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/02/2022 17:38

IME the children will say some random thing not the big things. Four big days out will just blur into one.

According to my 10yo during half term she fell into a puddle. Thats her headline event.

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User405 · 25/02/2022 17:42

I teach year two. Children always say 'KFC' when you ask them what was the best activity they have did in the holidays. Without fail, even if the went ski or to the Louvre. I've had parents justifying themselves in parents evening. 'Oh, when Lucian said we went to KFC in half term, well we also went to Tutankhamen's tomb as we know you were doing the Egyptians.'

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TheSmallAssassin · 25/02/2022 17:45

Mine are teenagers now, but when they were little we never did anything "big" at half term because it's so short and the kids were knackered and needed a rest. Sounds like you've done some lovely things this week, that is enough 😊

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whysoserious123 · 25/02/2022 17:47

Do not compare yourself to anyone else

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MonkeyPuddle · 25/02/2022 17:48

You’ve spent time on her. I Roth more than money any day of the week. I bet she’s had a lovely time.

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MonkeyPuddle · 25/02/2022 17:48

*worth

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Bibbitybobbityboo86 · 25/02/2022 17:50

Your week sounds fine. Kids need down time.

I try to plan 1 thing per week as a general rule. Could be cinema, day out somewhere, swimming etc…

Rest of the time it’s baking, crafting, visiting my family, play dates or just chilling and watching a movie

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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 25/02/2022 17:51

We normally do a few days out (if I have time off) but they’re usually things we have annual tickets to - fun kids museums, national trust, zoo, local places, aquarium (we don’t have all at once but we’ve had all of these). Or we / grandparents buy experiences for birthdays / Christmas.
But we don’t have lots of holidays - maybe a weekend and a week in the Uk.

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beeswain · 25/02/2022 17:51

MonkeyPuddle is right, time together is what she will remember. When I ask my DS about the things he remembers from that age it is what we might consider the 'everyday', walking on walls up to town to get an ice cream, watching Star Wars together, throwing sticks in the river.

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converseandjeans · 25/02/2022 17:52

Your week sounds totally normal and four big days out is actually a bit much - especially if she has just started school. Baking, adventure play ground all sounds perfect.

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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 25/02/2022 17:52

But your week sounds fine. Most of this week I’ve been working so we’ve not done much.

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1AngelicFruitCake · 25/02/2022 17:54

She sounds like she’s had a lovely half term! I know a few parents who are like the one you’ve described, big days out, fun packed in to the point where their days are timetabled snd (most importantly for them) loads of photos on Facebook to show everyone else what an amazing time they’ve had!

Truly happy, content people don’t need to show off like this! When the person who does the above was in lockdown they struggled due to not being able to do these big days out. It’s a shame because children can enjoy simpler things. I genuinely think for some parents going on an expensive day out with loads of treats is easier than thinking of cheaper, low key ideas as more effort has to be put into entertaining your child.

I’m lucky I was off in half term but we’ve had a friend to play, gone on walks, baked, had crafts out, been to the park a lot (that was cold!), been to the cinema once and had a takeaway. Not massively exciting but it was lovely to relax and have time together.

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Lesperance · 25/02/2022 17:56

You might be after validation, but why not? Honestly, you have spent time with your daughter, doing things that she will have enjoyed. That is ALL that matters. Don't change a thing! She'll ask if she wants to do something different.

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lapasion · 25/02/2022 17:56

Try not to worry. My kids got bunged in a holiday club for four days of the week, and the Friday was spent trying to catch up with boring house stuff plus a quick country walk! It was a bit of a shit half term but I’ve just started a new job so couldn’t take time off.

If money is tight, look out for groupon and clubcard deals. I’m already looking out for stuff that we can do in the summer, as I’ll have two weeks with the kids.

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