Talk to me about real life outside London

[Herewegoagain84]

We’re considering the big move out. I’ve been a Londoner all my life and always considered I would stay, but I’ve got a third child cooking and I think it’s time. I know it sounds mad but I’d love to hear what your life outside London is like - especially with children at the weekend. We have everything so accessible to us here and always plenty to do. Can you talk me through how we might be spending our time and what activities you do / how weekends are spent? If you lived in London previously was it a good decision to move? Thanks!

@merrymouse

Sure there are sports and parks anywhere but the volume of museums and galleries, the vast range and diversity of theatre, ballet, opera, music, restaurants, lectures, courses, the multiculture, the metropolis, the history: there is nothing remotely like it. The only city that comes close is Edinburgh.

And it’s quite possible to visit London and enjoy all of those things for a day out or weekend.

8 million Londoners are not all going to the ballet once a month/a year or even at all. I would guess that most are spending free time doing the same things people do everywhere - dog walking, seeing friends, children’s sports, gardening, watching and participating in sport.

Many Londoners travel to the coast and countryside every weekend.

You just decide what you want to do and adapt your life accordingly.

Of course it's possible to visit London, but it's expensive and travel takes time, & it's much easier to visit stuff if you live here.

My point to the OP was that the Londoners I know who've moved out successfully are the ones who are near enough to visit easily.

Ballet was simply an example - there's any kind dance here - classical Hindu, Bollywood, African tribal, salsa, tango, hip hop, jazz, contemporary - either to watch or participate.

I have never in my life spent my weekend gardening, dog walking and watching sport. It's not as representative as you seem to think.

London is actually incredibly baby and toddler friendly. No need to take a car anywhere, loads to do (for free) within a short bus ride or on the underground. Many of the schools are fantastic too. I am glad I lived there when my DC were younger.

There are benefits to being out of London, like the clean air, big house and garden etc. etc., but it really depends on your children beyond that. If your child absolutely loves sport and being outdoors then great, move out. My DC have lived in a few different places including London and one of them will be back there like a shot once they are old enough as they really miss the bustle and people (as do I).

You have to be really clear what you are looking for and what you are rejecting about London before you move though or you may make an (expensive) mistake and regret it.

I have never in my life spent my weekend gardening, dog walking and watching sport. It's not as representative as you seem to think.

Realistically, I think it is pretty representative, because it’s cheap and people are busy. Most people also spend large parts of their weekends taking children to activities, cleaning and sorting out life admin and laundry.

I lived in London during uni and worked as a nanny at the time. There's def less to do up north where I live now, but it's not completely barren.

We: swim, visit museums (admittedly, it's over an hour away as our local ones are rubbish!), got for walks, theatre sessions, local parks, shopping, bowling, and often have a day sorting the house on a Sunday so it's only really one day a week to fill.

It was things like the big museums that are "lacking" when I compare the two, and the expensive stuff like kidzania. The more "simple" things like ballet lessons, swimming, etc... are little different for kids. Though there's less of them available locally for adults, I miss London's adult dance classes!

@FourTeaFallOut

We just all sit around and cry that we don't live in London, obviously.

Tee hee 😂

@BloodyForeland erm…ok.

You can’t generalise about ‘not London’. ‘not London’ could mean a big city, a tiny hamlet, a commuter town, a seaside resort…

All these people making huge generalisations about life in ‘not London’ please stop. You cannot possibly say ‘everyone has a car’, ‘schools are crap’, ‘childcare is not existent’ or any other such shit.

OP - please specify where in ‘not London’ you are thinking of moving to and you might get some specific advice.

Footnote: I grew up in London. I have mainly lived my adult life in various places in ‘not London’. Most important thing I needed is to do on leaving London was remove my head from my arse.

I've only read the first page of responses, but I totally understand where you are coming from OP. When you have lived here all your life, it's difficult to picture what it's like elsewhere as London has a unique vibe. The thought of living outside of London actually horrifies me 😄 I'm one of the few people that wants to gradually move further in, not escape to the burbs or country life.

If I had to leave London (at gun point) I'd choose Canterbury.

@SergeiL

You can’t generalise about ‘not London’. ‘not London’ could mean a big city, a tiny hamlet, a commuter town, a seaside resort…

All these people making huge generalisations about life in ‘not London’ please stop. You cannot possibly say ‘everyone has a car’, ‘schools are crap’, ‘childcare is not existent’ or any other such shit.

OP - please specify where in ‘not London’ you are thinking of moving to and you might get some specific advice.

Footnote: I grew up in London. I have mainly lived my adult life in various places in ‘not London’. Most important thing I needed is to do on leaving London was remove my head from my arse.

Agree, and also suspect that people who talk about London as though it’s all the same don’t know London that well.

I just think there is a fundamental misunderstanding amongst a lot of the people who have been mocking the OP. Of course, there are swimming lessons and ballet lessons and parks outside of London. But the point is that the range of incredible choice - to have the latest, cutting edge food, theatre, opera, music, art etc - only happens in London. And to say that Londoners don't do that every weekend kind of misses the point because we do it much more often and it's there.

I don’t think many people are misunderstanding. I know I am not. I used to live in London. I am asking where the OP is looking to live so that I can provide a useful answer. ‘not London’ is not a place.

I'm mowing my enormous lawn , weeding my long driveway and cleaning my 5 bedroom house that also has 3 bathrooms and cost me £350 000. Busy busy.

@PossiblyDreaming and having a strop because the shop they opened selling sea glass that they just put in a Nkuku bowl and want to charge £30 a shard for doesn’t have any customers.

🤣 In Scotland it's hang a Union Jack in the shop window then grumble that the locals are too unsophisticated to buy their overpriced fripperies when we don't rush through the door. 🤣

@astern664

Cutting edge food? Lol.

I mean I do like a good steak, does London have special cows?

And to say that Londoners don't do that every weekend kind of misses the point because we do it much more often and it's there.

Some Londoners do it much more often, many are limited by disposable income and time just like anywhere else.

These threads always seem to focus on a choice between house with land and ponies in the middle of the countryside or a central London home with disposable income. Few people have either lifestyle.

I live in Morecambe. Today I passed a B&B advertising 'COLOUR television, in EVERY room'. I'm so glad I live here.

@Herewegoagain84 To get genuinely useful advice, you'll have to be brave and tell us what your dream is. Where are you thinking of? Why? What are you hoping will change?

Then you'll get more specific feedback and suggestions, served with lashings of honesty and wit.

For one friend who moved to a university town in Devon, tempted by the green spaces for her kids, the answer to the OP's question is that she finds her weekends very dull because there's not enough to do and the people, with exceptions, are not wildly interesting. She's counting her weekends until her youngest goes to uni and she & DH can move back to London.

How rude.

I have met people like this and it is strange how they find it difficult to meet like minded people. Such a pity they generally move away. Am sure we feel their loss greatly.

[quote cafedesreves]@BloodyForeland why is London awful? I wouldn't say that about where you come from [/quote]
I think you’ve confused me with another poster — I lived in London for 18 years and loved it.

[quote HariboMaroon]@astern664

Cutting edge food? Lol.

I mean I do like a good steak, does London have special cows?[/quote]
"I do like a good steak"

That kind of says it all

I guess the thread also highlights peoples’ hostility towards Londoners too perhaps!

Nobody dislikes people because they come from London. If they dislike them, it’ll be because those Londoners have moved to an area where they spend the next two years taking the piss and criticising every aspect of the place they’ve moved to because of the lack of artisanal bakeries, and making the locals feel like the cast of Deliverance.

My parents moved to Not London at a time when there was a huge influx of Londoners (known as DFLs) moving out to the sticks. The ones who realised that they had in fact moved to Not London got on fine. The ones who couldn’t understand why a small market town wouldn’t have the exact same facilities as a huge city struggled a little more.

What do you mean by "prescriptive" ?

In Yorkshire..:

Our weekends are Saturday morning sports clubs, Saturday afternoon chill/bday party/see friends. Sunday maybe a country walk & pub lunch. Or activity like bowling, trampolining etc.

You need a car here, most families have 2.

@merrymouse

I have never in my life spent my weekend gardening, dog walking and watching sport. It's not as representative as you seem to think.

Realistically, I think it is pretty representative, because it’s cheap and people are busy. Most people also spend large parts of their weekends taking children to activities, cleaning and sorting out life admin and laundry.

Generalising the weekend habits of 60 million people in this country is a complete waste of time.

We moved out of London last year, to a small town about 60 miles away, but it feels like the moon sometimes. Although I wasn't born in London, I've lived there for my entire adult life, almost thirty years, so it is/was my home.

Good things about moving out: we could actually afford to buy a decent size house, we have a garden, the air is cleaner, it takes 15/20 minutes to get to the sea, great schools, we've been able to finally get a dog as we have the space.

Bad things: the car is king round here. I've gone from someone who used to cycle daily through central London to being too scared to get on my bike. You have to drive to get pretty much anywhere, public transport is dire, particularly buses. Fewer parks, and not used in the same way as London parks, probably because more people have their own outdoor space. I really miss the parks.

A lot of the people are locals, which means they are surrounded by family and people they have grown up with, they aren't that bothered about you or interested in you, or interested in much outside their familiar bubble - may not be an issue if you have several kids, but we only have one and she's felt quite isolated. I think Covid has made a lot of people even more insular. Seems to be a general mistrust of incomers.

In London (and large cities generally) people (to me) seem more welcoming, outward looking and accepting, possibly because they came from all over and often have to rely on each other rather than grandparents or siblings who live five minutes away.

Where we are now is far less diverse than London, and it's staunchly Tory with a dose of UKIP.

I miss being able to pick up virtually any ingredient, no matter how obscure, from my local corner shop. All the shops up here still seem to close at 5.30pm.

I also miss having amazing museums, theatres, cinemas and galleries no more than 30 mins tube ride away, although some of the spontaneity had already disappeared with Covid and booking ahead.

I don't know if we'll stay long term or not, certainly until our dd has finished school, but I suspect we'll then move further out, or nearer the coast.

I get what the OP is saying. There are some dumps in the north with not much going on. If you are moving out of London with plenty of dosh you undoubtedly won't end up there. You have the opportunity to be able to chose the nice places with the great independent coffee shops, farmers markets etc.