PND? Please help me

[Sososolonely]

I don’t know why I’m posting this, I’m pretty sure I know what the advice will be and I don’t want to take it but I’m just so sad.

I have a beautiful 17 month old little girl who I adore. When she was born I really struggled to adjust to motherhood and was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety. I got some help and went through some cognitive behavioural therapy which I really didn’t find helpful. However as my daughter got older things seemed to calm down a bit, I got into a rhythm and now I can cope.

However, some days I just feel unbearably sad, lonely and out of control. The last few weeks I haven’t been able to focus at work which I’ve got away with because I’m working from home so everyone just assumes I’m working. My house is a complete mess. Today I just can’t stop crying.

My husband isn’t available. He works long hours so is out of the house from 8am, comes back to give our daughter a bath at around 6 but then is online working again usually until after midnight. I have a supportive family but they live several hours away. I have no friends. I have no one to talk to.

My daughter is in nursery four days a week while I’m working. Im doing my best and she’s a lovely little girl but I hate being the one who is in charge of her care all the time. I want to take care of her (and I do) but the fear of getting it wrong and being the one making all of the decisions for her terrifies me.

I feel like my marriage is falling apart. My husband works so hard, he says he’s going to try to move to a job with fewer hours but I worry I’m pushing him into it and he’ll resent me. We used to be so close, now I can feel myself pushing him away by being so grumpy all the time. He was working these hours while I was struggling with the worst of the PND and I just felt so abandoned, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

Is this still post natal depression or is it a bad patch? I don’t know what to do, I can’t think clearly.

Bless you honey. You need to find a little bit of time for yourself. Please don't be scared of getting motherhood wrong, every single mother that has gone before you has just plodded through, there is no right and neither is there a wrong. Do you and your Husband have to work such long hours ? Maybe try and make 1 night a during the week a "date" night, no tech, just you 2 chatting and enjoying each others company. Can you find a toddler group close by ? Maybe check out what is going on in the local church/village/community hall at night maybe there is a club that would interest you.
Please ask your family to help, even if they can just have your little one for a couple of hours every month so you can have lunch out.
Little steps at a time x x

Hello Sososolonely,

We're so sorry to hear what a tough time you're having. We know how isolating and lonely it can feel.

First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which can give you some extra support.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123.

Your baby is still very young and you may well be experiencing postnatal depression, so we'd urge you to take a look at an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through PND & AND. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776. Please take a look at their website and consider giving them a call - we know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past.

We'd also urge you to take a look at the cry-sis website. Their helpline number is 08451 228 669 and their lines are open 7 days a week 9am-10pm.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ. We really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.