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Original poster

If someone says "I'm happy to...", what do they mean?

37 replies

pregnantncnc · 20/02/2022 10:02

I'm shattered at the moment, really run down - so DH offered to take DS to his lesson this morning; it's a mile walk in the rain, followed by 90 min sat in a hot hall and a mile walk home. It's in a different council area so it was half term and it wasn't on (ours is next week - didn't even think about it). DH and DS are going to get coffee and cake instead (1/2 way between lesson and home).

I said (via text);
"Oh no, that's annoying, but cake sounds good. I'd like to come and join you, unless you'd like some 1-1 time with DS"

He replied;
"I'm happy to take DS for cake without you, so that you can rest"

^That doesn't actually answer my question, does it? I know he means that he'd like some 1-1 time with DS and that's absolutely fine - but why phrase it like he's doing me a favour when I've asked if I can come? He's been doing a lot of this lately and it is really pissing me off.

DISCLAIMER: Don't worry, I am not wasting this time alone seething, I'm happily back in bed with a coffee and they're bringing me cake home. I'm not angry, I just want to be told things straight

OP posts:

Clymene · 20/02/2022 10:11

But he's taking him on his own so you can get some rest. It's a bit confusing to be honest. If you want to rest, rest!

Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2022 10:14

I think he means what he says. He’s happy to do it, you don’t need to go if you would like to rest.
But you could actually speak to him

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 20/02/2022 10:19

I’d take it as they’re happy as they are and he would prefer you stuck to the original plan of getting some rest.

Telling you straight “no don’t come I don’t want you to” would sound harsh!

LubaLuca · 20/02/2022 10:21

I think he's politely saying "Don't bother, no need, but I'm not telling you not to."

Fairyliz · 20/02/2022 10:22

I actually think he’s trying to be really thoughtful and let you rest.
Some men would have been bad tempered because you had forgotten it wasn’t on (not that you should carry all the mental load but some men would think like that). He’s also aware it’s cold and wet so not the best day for a nice walk.
Just appreciate him and your rest and stop overthinking it.

PeakyBlender · 20/02/2022 10:24

I think he's being nice

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/02/2022 10:27

I think since you have been shattered and really run down he wants you to actually rest and recharge. You probably don't rest when they are at home, and he's plodded through the rain to ensure you actually rest, and now you're talking about also plodding out in the rain, but then later you'll be shattered again... He wants to at least get some benefit from having ventured out on such a miserable day.

Cakelover17 · 20/02/2022 10:28

He’s not saying ‘yes I want 1-1 time with DS’ like you suggested, but he is saying ‘we’re fine here, carry on enjoying your lie in’. He’s being nice and you are reading a little too much into it, it’s normal to not have to provide strict yes or no answers to your partner. Enjoy your morning!

FrecklesMalone · 20/02/2022 10:29

He sounds like he wants to help you. Enjoy it!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/02/2022 10:31

IMO you are massively over-thinking this.
To me it’s a perfectly normal expression that means ‘ready and willing’ to do whatever it is.

MrsTophamHat · 20/02/2022 10:32

I also don't read anything bad into that. You don't need to get up and dressed for that, and would be better off having some time alone to rest.

Louisianagumbo · 20/02/2022 10:34

You wanted him to take your son so you could rest because you're too shattered to take him to a class. I guess he's thinking in that case you'd be too shattered to go for cake. And he's letting you rest. But if you're not too shattered to go for cake, you weren't really that shattered in the first place.

TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder · 20/02/2022 10:35

I’d take that as being nice too. I’d also read in to it that he didn’t think that you really wanted to join them and maybe you we’re just being nice. Enjoy a lovely rest in bed

Original poster

pregnantncnc · 20/02/2022 10:43

He is being nice! I know he is. But I wanted to go out for coffee and cake . I have absolutely no issue with him wanting some time with just DS - it's nice that he does as sometimes it feels like the fun side of parenting is getting pushed quite far back for him atm. And also, I do welcome the rest...okay okay I'm the one in the wrong here, I'll creep off back to enjoying a lazy Sunday morning. Thanks for putting me in my place all

He does have form for making everything he does seem like a favour for me, though - which is why I'm definitely over-thinking it. [e.g. No, DH, you did not put the bins out FOR ME]

OP posts:

DetailMouse · 20/02/2022 10:48

It one of those things where context is everything. It could be that he knows you need and deserve a rest and is happy to provide the opportunity or it could be a completely PA way of telling you he think you were fishing for that.

Unless there's history to suggest that's that's the case, I'd assume it's a lovely offer but you're welcome to go if you want to.

FairyCakeWings · 20/02/2022 10:50

You didn’t ask him a question though, you told him something.

CityCommuter · 20/02/2022 10:55

@pregnantncnc you sound like hard work tbh... are you always like this, over analysing? Maybe your DH just wants some space / a breather...

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/02/2022 11:01

You're being silly. Massive non event. You wanted a rest and he's letting you have a rest.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/02/2022 11:05

I have absolutely no issue with him wanting some time with just DS

He does have form for making everything he does seem like a favour for me

In fairness it seems you are both putting the best face on things - you are "generously" letting him have some time alone with DS (which I do not at all think he was seeking). He is just making the best of things, thinking you needed a rest.

LubaLuca · 20/02/2022 11:06

You should have been more explicit then, and told him to wait for you to join them.

Cakelover17 · 20/02/2022 11:07

Honestly OP it sounds like hard work you going joining aswell, he walked a mile in the rain, presumably because he couldn’t drive there, so you want him to wait will you get up, dressed and walk there too before he can have coffee and cake. It’s just not logical! And then you’ll probably complain more about being exhausted.

TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder · 20/02/2022 11:17

No, DH, you did not put the bins out FOR ME
Oh yeah, fair enough, I’m with you on that one

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/02/2022 11:18

It’s vague corporate speak - it can mean ‘I’m happy to do this, don’t worry about it’, it can can mean ‘I don’t really want to do this, but I will’, or it can mean ‘I want to do this - please leave me to it’.

It sounds to me though that you know what he means and that he wants 121 with your son, so it’s a bit tiresome you are offering to join. So I’d examine your own behaviour before you tackle him on vague corporate phrasing (which I agree can be annoying).

QuillBill · 20/02/2022 11:20

@Cakelover17

Yes, he's already doing it. They are wet. He doesn't want to wait.

Are you pissed off because it's a not very nice task, taking a child to an activity and waiting for them but because it's not on he gets to do something pleasant instead?

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/02/2022 11:20

You should pull him up hard on the bins thing though..

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