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Original poster

How soon is too soon for a new pet after loss of an old one?

38 replies

Pileonsally · 18/02/2022 18:07

Our old cat died last week. We are all heartbroken but he was very old and had a lovely life. I cant bear our empty house with no cat.
Is a week too soon to get another kitten?
I suppose there are no rules? I feel a bit heartless towards my old cat??

OP posts:
ImInStealthMode · 18/02/2022 18:09

Sorry for your loss x

There are no rules. Giving a good and loving home to an animal in need of one is never a bad thing.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 18/02/2022 18:13

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Absolutely no rules.

My parents cat died Sunday night and they brought their new one home that Friday. It was right for them and the best decision for them

AnnaMagnani · 18/02/2022 18:16

The same day?

I know on Mumsnet people often post that they aren't ready for a new cat for a long while after their cat has died, but for me, I have always been ready (OK probably not ready but grieving and unable to cope with empty house) the following day and we have been down the cat shelter the next weekend, with new cat arriving as soon as cat shelter would allow.

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MrsColinRobinson · 18/02/2022 18:18

It's no one's business but yours. If you want to get another pet now you should. It'll be a new cat to love, not a replacement.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Beachsidesunset · 18/02/2022 18:21

Two weeks to the day between my beloved 12 year old dog dying and the mad puppy joining the family. I thought rescuing another dog was the right thing to do in her honour, and it was good for my mental health.

BogRollBOGOF · 18/02/2022 18:22

We had a new cat within a fortnight of one dying (run-over). His brother missed him dearly and couldn't stop pacing around looking for him. The new cat was very different but she filled the void and it was right to get her when we did.

BigcatLittlecat · 18/02/2022 18:24

Our lovely old girl was PTS on the Monday, mad kitten was with us by 6 on the Friday! Worked for us!

Mo1911 · 18/02/2022 18:28

There's no too soon. To want to give love to another cat so much is a huge compliment to the one that's gone before and the strength of love you had for each other.

RIP Kitty

PseudoplasticFluid · 18/02/2022 18:29

I'm not sure. Is there a child involved? Fine if you're an adult and you want to do that, but I can't help feeling that getting a new animal too quickly without having time to grieve, will make children feel living creatures are somewhat 'replaceable'. And I don't think that's good for children's attachments and emotional development.

If there's no children involved though and you feel ok with it, then it's not such an issue.

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 18/02/2022 18:32

The only silver lining of losing a much loved member of the family is that you get to go find a new one to love. Do it as soon as you need to.

Abra1d1 · 18/02/2022 18:32

Our puppy died at a year and we bought a new pup within five days. We still felt very sad and tearful about the one who died (I still think about her very often 11 years later) but I worked alone from home and knew that I'd need a reason to leave the house during the winter. Our children were 11 and 13.

It worked for us and I didn't feel guilty. They were very different characters, unique and irreplaceable, and loved for themselves. Some people probably judged but that's their issue.

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2022 18:37

There are no rules. We lasted 2 weeks after our dog died and resented the new puppy terribly because he wasn’t the old dog. Lasted 4 months the next time and worshipped him the minute he arrived. It’s up to you, OP.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/02/2022 18:38

The sooner the better for the poor dcat who is awaiting a new home.
One of ours was pts and we waited 6 months. On reflection that was too long for surviving dcat to wait. I didn't want a dkitten due to our ddogs but dcat was smitten instantly

It was the right move.
Although 14 months later the ddogs still aren't popular!

maddiemookins16mum · 18/02/2022 18:39

I would have got one within hours.
Our old cat was PTS and I missed her terribly.
As it was we waited three weeks and then one day got in the car and drove to the local rescue. We came home with two.
I wasn’t replacing my old cat, but I knew there were lots of cats needing to live the life of Riley at mine.

StCharlotte · 18/02/2022 18:41

My sister popped into her dog's breeders on her way home from the vets to let them know and left that same day with her old dog's 12 week old great nephew Smile

maddiemookins16mum · 18/02/2022 18:41

@Pileonsally

Our old cat died last week. We are all heartbroken but he was very old and had a lovely life. I cant bear our empty house with no cat. Is a week too soon to get another kitten? I suppose there are no rules? I feel a bit heartless towards my old cat??
Actually the biggest way you can honour your old cat is to give another the same amount of love you gave her.
Hellosunshiner · 18/02/2022 18:50

I once got a new cat quite soon after losing my old cat. It was a mistake. I thought it would fill the void, and it did in physical terms, but emotionally it made me miss my old cat all the more. My old cat was really special to me and it would have been wiser for me to wait.

I realised too late that I was trying to bypass the grieving process. However it meant that I was grieving whilst still trying to welcome the new kitten. We still don't have a special bond although I love her.

However, as and when this one passes, I'd be sad but I wouldn't grieve her in quite the same heartbroken way. So in conclusion, I'd say that the more special and loved the pet was, perhaps it's wiser to wait and process the grieving properly. If the pet was much loved but not "special x 1000, in your heart forever" type of a pet (IYKWIM) then not waiting will probably be OK.

AnnaMagnani · 18/02/2022 19:22

Have remembered that my neighbour, a dog person, purposely keeps a multi-age dog household to make sure she is never without a dog. Can be anywhere between 4 and 2 but never, ever zero.

Obviously we are all different but both my neighbour and I would say we are very bonded to every pet - we can talk for hours on dogs or cats of years gone by. We just never want to be without one.

When I got my latest cat he gave me a serious bite on day 2 which landed me in hospital on iv antibiotics. Still crazy bonded though.

MinglingFlamingo · 18/02/2022 21:27

We had about a month between our two ddogs. Because there was a massive dog shaped hole in our house and hearts. Also the perfect dog was available

pinkgin1 · 18/02/2022 21:29

My cat was hit by a car outside my
House just over a week ago , traumatised me she was everything to me. After bad days she was always there. Good days she made them even better
I can't bring myself to get another I feel like I am replacing her and have guilt of even thinking of it which is sad because I know cats out there need our help x

OldTinHat · 18/02/2022 21:38

My 15yr old ddog was pts in April last year. I can't even think about getting another dog because I still miss him too much. But it's all personal - my friend's very elderly cat was pts and she had rescued another within the week. Sadly, that one escaped and was run over two weeks later and the same day she rescued another one.

There is no such thing as too soon, its whatever feels right for you.

NewYearCalavicci · 18/02/2022 21:44

@PseudoplasticFluid

I'm not sure. Is there a child involved? Fine if you're an adult and you want to do that, but I can't help feeling that getting a new animal too quickly without having time to grieve, will make children feel living creatures are somewhat 'replaceable'. And I don't think that's good for children's attachments and emotional development.

If there's no children involved though and you feel ok with it, then it's not such an issue.

I whole heartily agree with this , particularly as they may not get on with the new pet and want a replacement .

Personally , I would wait for a few weeks
1st to make sure you really want another pet , not just something to fill the void .
2nd to find the right pet , not just one of first one you meet
3rd for the new pets sake , to make sure the smell of your old pet has gone ( or at least faded a lot ) as some may find it stressful 'invading' another animals territory
4th to have at least one long weekend break away without having to worry about pet sitters !

Honeyroar · 18/02/2022 21:50

Nothing will ever replace your old pet. That pet will always be in your heart and your memories. Your old pet knew you adored them.

I always think when a beloved pet dies they leave a little hole in your heart, but the next pet gives you their a heart to fill the gap. Your heart ends up a patchwork of all the pets you’ve loved.

You’ll love the next pet too, but still remember your other pet fondly. Don’t feel you’re disrespectful to your old pet.

bollocksthemess · 18/02/2022 22:52

I do similar to the lady @AnnaMagnani mentioned above. I got a puppy when my first dog was 12, because I knew she was getting older but she wasn’t yet too old to accept a puppy. She had to be put to sleep at 14, dog number two is now three years old and I have a 14 week old puppy too.
I couldn’t bear to be without a dog and it was a huge comfort not being left completely dogless when my old girl went.

kittenkipper · 18/02/2022 23:04

Love isn't finite. It's not heartless to your late cat to love another. It's not the same love. When we love one friend, we don't take love from another friend. When we gain a sibling it doesn't mean living your existing sibling less. When we have children plural we do not take love from the last. When new people come to us our hearts find more love to give. Limitless. A new cat will not replace the old. When you love a kitten it will not diminish, disrespect or take away at all any of the love (or the grief of loss) you have for your cat. But it will find new love, your heart will find its own love and relationship with this new cat. Different and additional love.