Absolutely mortified at work

[Sapphireskies]

Hi all.

I work for a company and today I've been told I'm quite slow at something I've done at another branch in the past so done it a few years. I was also told a few people have mentioned my shirts have been gaping. I'm so incredibly mortified. Haven't stopped crying. I don't know if I can show my face again. I've not been at this branch long. From now on I'm wearing a shirt underneath my shirt and I'm also getting bigger ones but will have to wait awhile. I am so crap at everything I do. Literally nothing am I good at and I've been this way all my nearly 30 years. I'm sorry to post my sob story on here I just didn't know where else to turn. Work will help me become faster but I truly don't believe I could go that fast, I go as fast as I can as it is and always thought I was quite fast.

Ok. It sounds like it wasn’t done nastily as people are assuming and they’ve been hinting about the uniform and now come out and said it.

You also admit you’re lagging behind as you’re over tired. So it’s something you know, and others are faster.

If it’s a fast food restaurant, is there any way to change to a later shift? Can you ask for a bigger size uniform if this one is too small?

@Roselilly36

They sound spiteful OP. I am sure there are plenty of tasks at work that you excel at. Write today off, it’s a new day tomorrow.

Spiteful?

Where are you gettng that from, the OP has said that she is slower than some and that the shirts are tight on her. How can a manager pointing these things out in a work environment be spiteful.

You weren't there, you have no absolutely no clue about how it was was said and maybe it was rude or unprofessional but bringing spite into it is just stupid

It sounds as though the people you work with like you - they have obviously been hinting at the shirt thing for a while precisely because they didn't want to upset you by coming out and saying it, so that suggests that they feel as awkward as you do about it and desperately wanted to avoid upsetting you.

As for the slowness, if they are going to offer you help and support, that again suggests that they want you on the team and want to improve your performance to help you avoid this kind of chat in future, which is another good sign that they are trying to avoid upsetting you or making you feel bad.

I imagine it was hard for them to approach you about it as nobody wants to be the one that has to address these kinds of issues with someone that they like and don't want to hurt. Try and imagine you were the manager that had to bring this up - it's probably not something they relished and definitely won't be personal, so try and just learn from it and accept the support they are offering.

It's always tough to be criticised but if your work isn't up to scratch and your clothing isn't ok then it's understandable.
I don't think the company handled it badly. They tried to make it ok by saying you weren't that bad and not to beat yourself up
about it. You are slow and they need you to speed up. That's ok.

Plenty of restaurants, coffee shops and bars expect staff to work fast. It's part of the job.
I also think telling you about your shirt gaping is ok. They tried hinting by asking whether your shirts are ok but you didn't pick up the hint (fair enough!) so told you in a meeting. You didn't realise so I think it's ok for them to tell you.

I know it's not easy OP but I wouldn't take this badly at all, I certainly wouldn't get irate and 'offended' like a lot of the other posters. If it was me I'd quietly feel a little bit embarrassed but I'd take the criticism on board.

Read @edwinbear's post properly, @daim!

You lack self-confidence. Don't let it get you down. It is positive that they have spoken to you, as they obviously know you can improve.

It isn't nice to hear, but listening to negative as well as positive feedback is part of being an employee. I think going in and arguing or challenging them on the feedback is a bad idea. That just makes you the difficult employee who doesn't listen. I would have a good cry, feel sad about it for an evening, and then go in tomorrow and move on.

If your uniform is provided by your employer they should be able to cater for all shapes and sizes of their staff. If they aren't, then this is not your fault. If their shirts/blouses gape then they could consider moving away from shirts/blouses to polo shirts which don't gape and are suitable for men & women.

As for the speed of being able to carry out tasks, perhaps there is something that you could practice in order to improve your accuracy/speed at doing it but I'd prefer to know that if it was in a bank for example, someone working a little slower would be a little more accurate than someone who flies through the work and may not be as accurate. If you need to practice, ask for this and the time to be provided to you.

See this as a positive opportunity to raise these issues with your employer.

Keep a diary. Could be the start of a bullying campaign. Your manager should not be telling you that you are super sensitive. Maybe think about some counselling, to help boost your self confidence and self worth. Get yourself a "cat". A toy you can kick without hurting yourself or the furniture. A few kicks can make you feel so much better.

Do you sew? I'm only a C/D cup and have to sew my shirts shut at the cleavage otherwise they gape, it really doesn't seem to matter what size the shirts are! If you have a machine, it's very quick, or ask a friend. That's one problem solved.

Re the feedback on the slowness, give yourself a chance. The company are helping you to improve on the speed so they sound as though they want to keep you on.

It's an employees market out there. In other words there are hundreds of job vacancies and few people looking.

I feel for you about the shirt issue op. As has been mentioned, most manufacturers don’t really make provision for women with larger boobs, especially when they are providing work uniforms!
You say that getting a larger blouse will have to wait, so I assume that you have to provide your own, or your employer won’t get you a larger one straight away. There’s also the annoying point that as you will know often , even a larger blouse will still gape. The buttons are just not in the right place.
Are you any good at sewing? I’ve always had to stitch a small hook and eye inside the placket between the offending two buttons (poppers and Velcro don’t work). If you need a quicker solution, or are not good with a needle small safety pins fastened from inside your blouse can work, it’s just more fiddly to get them in the right place and ensure they don’t show on the outside.
Good luck 🤞🏼 you have got this.

I wasn't told in nasty ways, they said I'm not that bad just need to be a bit quicker

Fair enough, in the context you described
As for the uniform I wouldn't have said asking you if it was okay was vague; it was the opportunity to notice any issues and speak up if you needed a bigger size or whatever

No need to worry over this though; it's all solveable and as PPs have said it'll soon be just a memory, so have a glass of something nice and start again tomorrow

If you have been at the company for a few years doing what you do then you are most certainly not slow , nor are you crap. And slow compared to what ?? What is their benchmark. Please take these things with a pinch of salt.

Please don’t worry about the gaping shirt ! Such things happen to most of us at some point. It’s embarrassing but just laugh it off, not a big deal or any reflection in the scheme of things xx hugs

It is positive that they have spoken to you, as they obviously know you can improve

Absolutely - and considering the number of things folk can be pulled up on it could have been so much worse

Bullying. Spiteful. Sexual harassment? There are some OTT comments on this thread.

OP was told she needs to pick up the pace, and the stuff about the shirt is for her own sake. Customers are likely to notice, and if she's in hospitality it could lead to remarks from drunk idiots.

Maybe she is sensitive - I haven't a clue - but if so it might be worth working on. Ask for training, OP. If they want you to do things differently, then you should be shown.

Feck them. Just because you are new and bet this happens with all new people so try not to dwell on it. I know easier said than done as I would have it going over and over in my head as am very sensitive. Go in with your head held high and fake it even if you feel like crap. As for the blouse comments that is just terrible. Wear a boob tube in tomorrow give them all something to talk about. Am sure you are great at your job and the manager said will help you. Sounds like a right old bunch of gossips and if it makes you feel more comfortable just wear a best thing inside shirt until you can get new ones. Jesus who is gaping at your breasts. You will be fine and sound so lovely, big hugs. Lovely support and comments on here and that is so nice to see. xx

I know you're upset but this by talk a step back, it's not actually that bad. Everyone has had some feedback during their career that has been a little difficult to hear. In my own experience, the things that might have been upsetting where think I needed to hear and improved on given the feedback.

Firstly, there are very few managers that enjoy discussing sensitive topics or giving negative feedback. When it's done, it's primarily driven by a need for improvement and to help overall.

Regarding the shirts, take it on the chin. Some work uniforms are unflattering and badly cut and for anyone with a heat at all preventing gaping. I have a large chest so always size up in a short or blouse where I don't need to in a top or jumper. I also wear a cami or string top inside for modesty as I can't always prevent the gaping. This is very easily fixable, size up and a layer underneath and you are sorted and never need to dwell on it again.

Regarding the pace, improvement can easily come from a number of sources, 1. Additional training, 2. Watch & asking others particularly experienced people or those how just naturally excel at things, 3. Experience and 4. Confidence.

Would you consider going back in on your next shift and thanking the manager for bringing it to your attention, telling her that you want to solve the issues and you hope on a few weeks it will be a distant memory as you really like and want the job.

Require a larger size uniform or buy a new one if they aren't provide by the company - then it's fully fixed.

Then ask about the pace, as I'd their are team members she thinks are very quick, what do they do differently, what can you learn from them, what suggestions does she have etc.

This is very easily fixable and not something to get stressed about. Yes, being embarrassed and upset is a natural reaction but not one to dwell on. Try an be confident that you can change one quickly and you will also have support on the pace issue too. This is temporary and changeable.
You also need to go easy on yourself, saying you are good at nothing cannot possibly be true. You know that so stop saying it to yourself as it will only drag you down.

'should have said vest not best ..

The advice that Neverchange gave is brilliant and you should really take heed on what she writes as gives such good tips and a great idea to go talk manager.

You are not useless - but it sounds like you lack confidence and therefore it's more painful for you to be told off than it would be for other people. Add a fairly bad manager into the mix and you've got a perfect storm.

You can do this. As everyone else has said, a bit of work on your self esteem and a chat with your manger should help. But please try to remind yourself that you are not useless. Because you're not.

I agree with all those who've said that the people at your work like you and want you to do well. And NeverChange's advice is great!

@Motnight

Read *@edwinbear's post properly, @daim*!

I was just about to say this. What an absolutely moronic post!

I wouldn't be happy with the person who gave the feedback. Not professional, sounds very personal and tactless - what's that nonsense about 'a few people have mentioned'? So they've been standing around gossiping about you and the manager joined in? I don't think she should have said all those things in one go.

There's some absolutely bonkers responses on this thread.

It sounds like you're catastrophising about some feedback OP. You've mentioned that you can be over sensitive- that's ok as lots of people can be. But just realise that it's this over sensitivity telling you that you're terrible at everything!

1. Slowness at a task. Have they given you any constructive feedback on how to improve on this. How quickly does everyone else manage. Are they cutting corners to achieve a faster result- and would the company prefer "good enough, faster" or "perfect, but slower".
2. Shirt gaping - if you're not aware then it's reasonable to be mentioned. It's not sexual harassment like at least one poster mentioned. If you're wearing a uniform it should fit properly - I work somewhere that have chosen shirts that are horrible for gaping, and so sometimes people need to go up a size. I don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning it so it can be rectified - in fact I think it would be way worse not to say anything!

I also agree sone of the answers are very surprising, the op has already said it wasn’t said badly, that she does need a bigger uniform and she is slower and lags as she’s tired, there is nothing to suggest the manager was in any way unprofessional. Having to deliver the message doesn’t make the manager bad or at fault. Sometimes managers do have to deliver awkward messages and the person can’t take the feedback.