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Original poster

Absolutely mortified at work

76 replies

Sapphireskies · 17/02/2022 14:44

Hi all.

I work for a company and today I've been told I'm quite slow at something I've done at another branch in the past so done it a few years. I was also told a few people have mentioned my shirts have been gaping. I'm so incredibly mortified. Haven't stopped crying. I don't know if I can show my face again. I've not been at this branch long. From now on I'm wearing a shirt underneath my shirt and I'm also getting bigger ones but will have to wait awhile. I am so crap at everything I do. Literally nothing am I good at and I've been this way all my nearly 30 years. I'm sorry to post my sob story on here I just didn't know where else to turn. Work will help me become faster but I truly don't believe I could go that fast, I go as fast as I can as it is and always thought I was quite fast.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:05

@Jvg33

Your shirts are gaping? Meh. I would carry on. If they say it again, I would say who is it who is obsessed with my breasts. Sounds like sexual harassment. I would have asked what is slow about what I do and what are their recommendations to speed up?
It's not sexual harassment ffs... have you just decided to pop up on a few threads in 'trending' with the daftest responses you can think up?
ScribblingPixie · 17/02/2022 16:05

You will be fine, OP. You are getting help to speed up so that will be good. As for your clothes, I could curl into a small ball thinking about the the times I've worn things that have malfunctioned. I often wear cotton vest tops, v cheap, under tops I'm not 100 per cent confident in. I am very sensitive too and I deal with that by imagining what I'd think if the same thing was happening to someone else - it never seems such a big deal that way.

BlanketsBanned · 17/02/2022 16:09

Do you wear uniform shirts which they provide or your own. M&S do shirts that dont gape or you could wear a cami underneath. Work will help you speed up a bit if you need to but tell them its more important that the job is done correctly and accurately. What sort of work is it if you want tips.

jpbee · 17/02/2022 16:16

I doubt it is as bad as you think (regarding the slowness thing) and is doesn't mean you're useless. Slowness is a minor issue compared with lack of accuracy (which often goes hand in hand with working too fast/rushing). Could you approach your manager and ask for some other feedback to counter the negatives? It may help to know the reasons they value you, employers often forget to mention these and just focus on fixing things.

Regarding the shirt thing, I know it's embarrassing but it's good they've said instead of just gossiping or complaining when you're not there. I often wear a plain black vest under blouses/shirts. M&S do nice ones in sets of two.

I know it's hard as we spend so much time at work, but try to remember you are a person outside of work (a family member to people, a friend to people). Who you are at work doesn't define who you are as a whole, in fact it is less important than the other areas of life ultimately.

StScholastica · 17/02/2022 16:16

Ahh Love, chin up. They honestly sound like they are trying to help, she said not to beat yourself up! In the grand scheme of things there is nothing to be upset about, a gaping blouse isn't exactly the end of the world, she wasnt telling you that you have a personal hygiene problem!
You will get faster as you get more used to your role.
I speak as someone who once walked through a filled conference room and took the stage with blood on the back of my skirt.
Write a list of your strengths and read it everyday.

roundtable · 17/02/2022 16:18

Some of these replies are bonkers and I'm wondering if they are from people who actually work in a place where you have to look professional and there's a dress code! Do not take their advice unless you want to cause trouble for yourself.

If the manager has said not to beat yourself up then it sounds like it's been said as kindly as possible.
Plus I wouldn't say they were major points. If they had said you were lazy and inaccurate then it would be a big mark on your character. But they haven't said anything like that and it sounds like they want to show you how to get faster so they must think you're worth the investment in their time.

Hope you feel about it soon op, it's not nice to have criticism directed at us but sometimes it's needed to move forward successfully. Try not to dwell on it too much. Easier said than done, I know. Flowers

Hopefully you'll be back with an update saying how much faster you've become. Smile

Hshuznw · 17/02/2022 16:20

Im afraid I don’t agree with the majority of comments here that your manager was bitchy and mean.

Unfortunately if you’re not doing the job how you need to do it, then it does need to be raised. It may be that the speed you were at was fine for your old branch, but not this one. That’s ok. That’s not a reflection on you doing a poor job. It’s just the way it is sometimes.

And your top being gaping, it’s a very difficult topic to raise. I had to have that discussion with a colleague once, not about a gaping top but appearance and it’s a very very tough discussion. I remember I made her cry, even though I tried to be as gentle as possible. You’re going to be upset no matter how delicately it’s raised, and again, that’s ok.

Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 16:22

Girlmom21

Very odd of you to be following me around.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:26

@Jvg33

Girlmom21

Very odd of you to be following me around.

I'm not following you around. You've appeared on two threads I've previously commented on. On both of them you've commented daft/incorrect advice. I don't understand your intentions. It's bizarre.
KittenKong · 17/02/2022 16:26

Call that embarrassing?

I flashed my foof at one of the 'nice young men' from the office upstairs... We had 2 loo cubicles (supposedly men and womens but people just used whichever was available).

The Ladies had a busted lock didn't it, and he bowled in just as I was rising from the loo with my trousers around my ankles.

I am not actually sure who was more horrified.

pistachi0nuts · 17/02/2022 16:28

Oh that sounds like a rubbish day for you. Try to keep your chin up, it's just work after all, you're just there to do your work, earn your money and go home. Don't let it get you down. As for the shirt comment, that sounds like it was approached really tactlessly and I can see why you'd be feeling really embarrassed. But again, try to keep your head high and move on...you sound nice and they sound mean!!

Noodlekugel · 17/02/2022 16:29

@Sapphireskies
she said I'm super sensitive

Insensitive people always say that.

Flowers
KimchiWithMe · 17/02/2022 16:31

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Oh seriously fight fire with fire. Slow compared to what? Is there a recognised standard? 5 widgets per hour? Are you slower but more accurate? Are they work uniform shirts? Why can't they replace them today? It's not nice to hear but I can't wear shirts that button up because of my cleavage. By all means stick a t shirt on underneath. Have a cry tonight but go in tomorrow with a whole list of questions!
Yes.
Jvg33 · 17/02/2022 16:32

Girlmom21

I have not read your thoughts on other threads. Nor do I think myself as thread police. Interestingly you do.

prettyteapotsplease · 17/02/2022 16:32

You might not be the fastest but if you are accurate I believe that should be important. A faster type may have to go over various details again which wastes time.

edwinbear · 17/02/2022 16:32

When I was younger, I was invited to attend a fancy black tie work do, I think we were up for an award or something. I was delighted to be asked as I'd not been there long and it was all quite prestigious. I spent a fortune on a beautiful, floor length, elegant, black dress. It was a tiny bit sheer and figure hugging, but with my 25 year old body, could definitely pull it off. I checked it in lots of different lights to be absolutely sure it definitely wasn't see though. Had my hair and make up done and felt like a real grown up when we headed off in the taxi. It was a lovely evening.

Following morning, I walked into the office to lots of sniggering and one of my colleagues was absolutely desperate to show me a photo someone had taken with my back to the camera - where the flash had completely exposed my thong clad bottom. Said dress had turned completely transparent under the flash. I was absolutely mortified and had to go and sit in my car for a cry. In a couple of weeks though, everyone had forgotten about it and moved on to gossiping about something else, I still remember it 20 years later, but I'm sure none of them do Flowers

AuntMasha · 17/02/2022 16:35

Oh, OP, I’m sorry you feel this way — I’m over sensitive too, (unfortunately I also have a temper) and it takes longer to process all the overwhelming feelings that come up in these situations. I remember once getting criticism at work and though I managed to keep a brave face, inside I felt truly terrible about myself and my failings. Went home and cried like a baby. We’re all only human.

Flowers
Gardeningdream · 17/02/2022 16:36

I understand your embarrassment, having had to speak to some one once about their Ill fitting clothing it’s hard to do because no matter how polite or kind you run the risk of the fact the person jist isn’t going to take it well at all.

As for the too slow, did you speak to her about expectations and how long it’s supposed to take you? Do others do it, are they faster?

Original poster
Sapphireskies · 17/02/2022 16:39

Hi all thank you so much for your support.

I wasn't told in nasty ways, they said I'm not that bad just need to be a bit quicker (I work in hospitality and it's placing the orders together getting them to customers) no other manager has said anything about this. I find it very hurtful no one wants to be called slow. I have just finished two days of getting up at 5am to start at 6am, and I'm a night owl so it's possible I'm going slower due to tiredness. At a certain point in the day I lag behind.

As for the shirt issue, for a few weeks I've been asked if the shirts are okay. I said yes as for the most part they fit me and feel comfortable. The uniform is one that runs on the small side and they shrink. I just wish I was told ages ago, as asking me if my shirts are okay is vague.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sapphireskies · 17/02/2022 16:41

I wear a uniform and others are faster I'm guessing yes.

OP posts:
Lovinglife45 · 17/02/2022 16:44

I am sorry OP. I experienced the same in one of my first full time roles. It knocks your confidence.

I was informed about my speed and my then supervisor even made a joke to a new colleague at how slow I was on first joining. In another role I sat at reception and my desk was slightly lower down so visitors stood over me. A delivery guy discreetly informed a colleague that he could see down my top. I thanked colleague and never wore that top to work again.

I would advice you to identify where you need to improve and focus on this. Also avoid wearing shirts altogether or wear a vest underneath. Try to remember that in most cases it is embarrassing for the manager to have this conversation.

helpfulperson · 17/02/2022 16:49

Even if these were valid feedback, and it sounds like they were, the delivery is way off. Certainly no need to tell you that several people have been talking about your shirts. Depending on whether it is a uniform shirt and offer to arrange replacement, or just mentioning that she had noticed.

But onwards and upwards. Do what you can to resolve and otherwise don't worry.

Roselilly36 · 17/02/2022 16:53

They sound spiteful OP. I am sure there are plenty of tasks at work that you excel at. Write today off, it’s a new day tomorrow.

spotcheck · 17/02/2022 16:56

Re your times...

As suggested above, put on your game face, and just address it. Ask for more training, reflect on how you do things, shadow someone who is the best at it. You are still very young, so it's ok to develop. They didn't let you go, so use this opportunity to work on your skills.

As for the shirt gaping....

This makes me very very angry!

  1. manufacturers who save money on buttons and produce clothes which aren't fit for purpose. Grr!! Women have breasts! There should be an extra !*#@! button !! It makes me crazy! Men don't have trouser closures that allow a peek of their 'curves'. 🤬
  2. If someone is gaping, the polite thing to do is a) ignore. Seriously. Is it the end of the world ? No. b) say something AT THE TIME!! As in ' Ooh, you have a bit of a gape situation happening, want me to see if I have a safety pin? Don't you just hate that clothes meant for women aren't actually designed for women?'

Why on flipping earth did it have to be brought up in such an official way?

That was shit of them OP

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 17/02/2022 16:59

@edwinbear

When I was younger, I was invited to attend a fancy black tie work do, I think we were up for an award or something. I was delighted to be asked as I'd not been there long and it was all quite prestigious. I spent a fortune on a beautiful, floor length, elegant, black dress. It was a tiny bit sheer and figure hugging, but with my 25 year old body, could definitely pull it off. I checked it in lots of different lights to be absolutely sure it definitely wasn't see though. Had my hair and make up done and felt like a real grown up when we headed off in the taxi. It was a lovely evening.

Following morning, I walked into the office to lots of sniggering and one of my colleagues was absolutely desperate to show me a photo someone had taken with my back to the camera - where the flash had completely exposed my thong clad bottom. Said dress had turned completely transparent under the flash. I was absolutely mortified and had to go and sit in my car for a cry. In a couple of weeks though, everyone had forgotten about it and moved on to gossiping about something else, I still remember it 20 years later, but I'm sure none of them do Flowers

You cried in your car for a weeks?