What’s the etiquette with scars?

[ScarrySpice]

I had surgery on my throat several months ago which has left me with a very large scar that basically runs from ear to ear, quite a bit under my jawline.

I generally don’t heal very well- if I get a cut it takes ages to heal. My scar is fine in the sense that the stitches have dissolved and the wound is completely closed, but the scar is very red and visible. My surgeon advised that it’s very likely that it’ll be 1-2 years before it’s less visible.

I’m back to work on Monday and I’m a bit worried about frightening people. I haven’t been out and about much lately but have been wearing a scarf most of the time, but I don’t really want to have to remember to always dress to accommodate a scarf.

On occasions when I’ve been out without a scarf, I have noticed people staring, but none have said anything.

To be honest, I don’t care that I have a scar- compared to the reason I needed the surgery, it’s a small price to pay, but what’s the etiquette here? Is it decency to try and cover up so I don’t upset or disgust people who may be squeamish about scars?

I have a tracheotomy scar and I don’t cover it (I also wear an oxygen nasal cannula) people look and I think that’s natural I normally smile if I catch their eye. Mostly they look away or smile back. What annoys me is if they stare stare. I’ve had people look me up and down then not smile back etc. I’m getting to a point where the innocent looks don’t bother me and the rude people, we’ll that reflects more on them than me. ❤️‍🩹 I hope your feeling better x

I say a shark bit me if anyone stares, but it’s my leg and easily covered. I just don’t go swimming in a normal pool anymore. I’m lucky to have a hospital pool nearby.

My oldest child had a road accident and was very scarred for a year. (Also had fewer teeth than one would wish for a while).

People did do a double take so we took to saying “don’t worry - road accident!” in a jolly way when first meeting people or when members of the public stared.

Not much more to add other than another recommendation for dermatix gel. I had quite a gnarly accident, and it really did help to normalise the colour of the scar. It's still visible but much less prominent now.

I hope you're healing well.

My DS had a head vs. metal park bench incident when he was 7 and split his forehead to the skull. Once it had fully healed and was no longer painful, firm massage daily with pure rosehip oil (high in vitamin E) did wonders. He's 14 now and the scar is barely visible unless you know where to look for it.

A scar is a tattoo with a better story.

I saw IS Clinical Sheald recommended for scars.

I have a lot of surgery scars in public view and decided long ago they are part of me, proud battle scars to show I won ! There's no need to hide them or explain. So in communal changing rooms or gym classes etc where they are in full view I just offer no comment at all and IME it's exceptionally rare for any adult to ask. For those who do I just say "I was put together out of a kit."

I strongly recommend Bio Oil to massage into closed scars to soothe, help mending and reduce redness You can buy it in Boots, and even just the gorgeous smell is therapeutic.

https://www.boots.com/elastoplast-scar-reducer-plasters-21-Pack-10279539?cmmmc=bmm-buk-google-ppccPLAsAsHeroCompareareOTC--UKKSmartShoppinggOTC&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIi-CG4paH9gIVSYBQBh3NgQq4EAQYASABEgLaGfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

My husband has used these on a large scar, you can cut them so they do work out slightly cheaper.

I have a thyroidectomy scar across my neck and I used a scarf for about a year after the surgery. I also don’t heal very well and the surgeon recommended I kept the sun out of it, so I just used a lightweight scarf all the time when outside of the house. I don’t think there’s an etiquette as such though, I would go with whatever you feel comfortable with

I have an obvious thyroidectomy scar across my throat - I don’t try to hide it at all, I did go to Mac and get some concealer to try to cover it, when is not long had the op, but don’t bother with it these days.
I do tell anyone, who is rude enough to ask about the scar, that I had a head transplant

I had an operation when I was eighteen which left a scar from underneath my left ear to halfway across my neck, the problem ( Castleman's Disease) re surfaced in my thirties , so they went back into my neck and opened my neck up further and it now runs from underneath my ear down to my collar bone, the second one was red and angry and keloid for quite some time, I wore it with pride as I considered it to be a badge of survival.

One summer whilst standing in the queue in Sainsburys some guy turned and said to me, F*ing hell what happened to you.

I replied I had my tonsils out and it went catastrophically wrong.

The guy behind me said her neck will heal, you however are a damaged person.

I nearly hugged him.

When I meet someone who I feel comfortable with, who has a thyroidectomy scar, I show them my scar and say I win.

Dress how you want and if people stare then give them a pointed look. I have a lot of scars on my legs and I used to be self conscious about swimming and wearing shorts. Now I just do it and no one particularly stares. They have faded to white now though. IME scar treatments like bio oil and similar are all useless, time is the only thing that does the trick.

I have a scar on my neck which I have never tried to hide (only from the sun 🤣)
I wear it with pride and every time I look in the mirror I am reminded how strong I am 😊
Scars are tattoos with better stories.

Please don't fall into feeling you need to hide a scar. You absolutely don't

Do whatever you feel confident/comfortable doing, but don't cover it up for the sake of others.

Follow Katie Piper's foundation on Instagram, she often posts about scars and treatments she and others have had, you might find some useful info and also seeing her confidence might help yours too?

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Handy to have some jokey comments ready if necessary too.
I was told to be careful with the sun on a surgical scar. It burns very easily for a few years and is insanely itchy and sore when it does so worth having very high factor cream and some lightweight scarves irrespective though by the sound of it you would almost have to wear it over your head and around your neck/chin area for it to be useful.

A woman I worked with had a massive scar on her arm/shoulder.

She wore whatever the fuck she wanted because fuck what anyone else thinks.

Dermatics gel is amazing. You can get it over the counter at Boots.

As others have said, ask your surgeon about keloid reducing products either in gel or sheet form.

I have a massive scar from behind my left ear down across my throat from surgery and also facial paralysis on one side of my face from the same surgery. I was self-conscious to begin with but then realised it wasn't my fault and better to have a wonky face and magnificent scar than the alternative of not being alive. Style it out and celebrate being here to share yourself with the world.

@ScarrySpice - I know you asked about the etiquette with scars because you don’t want others to be uncomfortable. This gives me the impression that you’re a really decent human being. Frankly I think other people’s ettiquette and YOUR comfort is going to be more of an issue. You are the one who is recovering from surgery. You are the one who has to heal physically and psychologically. How they behave has a big impact on this. You will find that the world is full of different people with different ways of approaching this. Some will go out of their way to be kind and make you feel “normal”, some will be “illness thieves” who try to latch onto your ride… Some will act like they can’t see it and others will be uncomfortable, etc. You will work out what reactions sit best within your comfort zone and communicate this with your friends and colleagues and it will become the new normal.