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Original poster

Friends inviting partners to our meet up - say nothing?

43 replies

janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 16:35

I have some friends I see about once every 1 1/2 - 2 months and when we do it's lovely.

However, one by one they are now all bringing their partners. The first friend it was like ' fine, ok', but now as I am the only single person, I feel I will be like a sore thumb.

To be honest I've been dating but single since my last LTR a few years ago and usually I'm not bothered but I actually feel a bit upset about it lately and felt crap during valentine's.

At the same time, they've invited their partners now and will look petty to say anything. Wwyd, go along this time and say something if it becomes a habit? Or bring it up now and sound like a grump? Sad

In a way I feel like bowing out and letting them all be together with their partners, but then I'll just be alone for the night!

OP posts:
PostThenGhost · 15/02/2022 16:51

Do you know their partners? If so I’d treat this one as a group of friends going out together but next time say ‘let’s just have a girls night this time’

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2022 16:54

I would explicitly say you want to meet as a girls only night out next time. There’s nothing wrong with that.

L40Postcode · 15/02/2022 16:55

“Our meet ups seem to have tuned into a couples thing and I feel like a bit of a gooseberry, I’m going to give this one a miss, let’s have a girls only one next time!”.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 16:57

@PostThenGhost I know one of them - he is very nice but I'll still be keeping the conversation more surface level if you see what I mean.

I just worry I look a bit sad showing up as the only singleton as well. Most of the time I'm fine about it and only really find myself dwelling if I actually feel like a sore thumb like this.

OP posts:
ouch321 · 15/02/2022 16:59

Very rude of them.

Yeah I'd leave them to it.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 17:00

Thing is @L40Postcode if I say this I think they will end up uninviting the partners to make me feel better and then I'll feel worse, like it's a pity meet up. I'd sound pathetic but it changes the dynamic massively.

I'd be more likely to 'feel ill' the day before or something. Again then I'll be myself anyway.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 15/02/2022 17:01

I think L40Postcode's response is great!

onedayoranother · 15/02/2022 17:03

Feck that. I'm the only single in my group and I make it clear it's a girls night. Definitely say 'hey can we meet just the girls next time'. It is a different dynamic when partners are there and I'm sure they are happy to have just a girls night occasionally too. If they object then don't bother.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 17:07

Well that's the thing @onedayoranother - it has always been just us girls. I feel like maybe they haven't put themselves in my shoes?

But yeah it has upset me as I was looking forward to a fun weekend night with girlfriends but I am dreading it now tbh. And I was the one that found the fun event we are going to, so would be pretty sad if I just don't go.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2022 17:08

Even if everyone had a partner, it changes the dynamic if they’re there.

PleasantBirthday · 15/02/2022 17:09

That's very inconsiderate of them. Nobody likes to be the single person in a group of couples. In reality, they should be more socially aware, but I fear you may have to either tolerate it or say something if you want to see them.

CornishTiger · 15/02/2022 17:15

How many of the meet ups have been partners coming along?

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 17:19

None @CornishTiger. I haven't even met one of them because it is always just us girls.

Well once one partner dropped in briefly towards the end because he worked nearby so not quite the same.

But yep - I don't want to be the only singleton there but I don't want to say anything either. I had assumed the reason they don't usually come was because 1) it is a girls catch up and 2) they were being socially aware about it. Maybe not!

OP posts:
Ra12345 · 15/02/2022 17:23

Just say 'girls only' or 'girls night out, leave the men at home'. It's not difficult?

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 17:33

Ok but it's never come up before @Ra12345 - and since they have already said their partners are coming it does feel 'difficult' and awkward to say anything.

OP posts:
Jet888 · 15/02/2022 17:36

I used to have this at times. I had one fab friend who despite being coupled up herself, would say to someone if they tried to bring a partner 'for fecks sake, why are you ruining our night out by bringing a boyfriend!!!"
Made it loads easier for me!

Yuckypretty · 15/02/2022 17:41

If you don't feel like confronting it head on could you initiate the meet ups more and then it's sort of up to you to lead the way on who's invited. Sugest you meet up for a girls spa day. Or a lady's that lunch etc.

Ra12345 · 15/02/2022 17:45

You need to get in now for next time. 'Looking forward to seeing you all but can we do just girls next time?! It's nice catching up just us and I'm starting to feel the odd one out!'

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 15/02/2022 18:33

@Jet888 your friend sounds amazing! I'd need to work myself up to that.

I thought it was a given to not invite partners so I'm quite fed up about it. I dont really want to go now. But feel I'll need to suck it up this once. If it comes up again, then I will raise it.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 15/02/2022 18:37

I'm not bothered being the only singleton but then again I do know them so as another poster said its just like a group of friends going out and don't feel like I have to moderate the conversation. Don't know why you'd stick out like a sore thumb unless the couples are going to be all over each other which I doubt.

thecatsthecats · 15/02/2022 18:53

If they've only been girl's only before then I get the change of precedent, but I'd be taking this one on the chin, though making an unambiguous request for a girl's night later.

Yes it "changes the dynamic" - of course it does. But if you go along you might find that you like the new dynamic. I love most of my friend's partners. I love the dynamic they add.

Why not try it out?

Sharrowgirl · 15/02/2022 18:57

It sounds like a one-off so I’d just get on with it this time and try to enjoy myself. But if it becomes a habit, then that’ll be different.

Louisianagumbo · 15/02/2022 19:04

I agree with you, op. I think its a shame that a girls night out has become a couples thing. The two have completely different vibes. You can't talk about the same things in mixed company. Also when you get older it's not quite so difficult because the couples are so glad to be chatting to other people. But when they're in new relationships, it can be a bit lovey dovey and cliquey.
You just have to go with it this time snd then say can next time be a girls night out and explain why you'd like to keep it girls only. Is there anyone in the group who would understand where you're coming from and who could bring it up on your behalf?

peboh · 15/02/2022 19:07

So this is isn't common, and they're just testing the waters with one outing with couples?
It's understandable that they want to combine their worlds. I also understand that you don't want to be the odd one out. I think for this first one you just need to suck it up a bit. Then if it becomes a regular occurrence, then it's time to mention that you want just a girls only.

Kite22 · 15/02/2022 19:12

@Ra12345

You need to get in now for next time. 'Looking forward to seeing you all but can we do just girls next time?! It's nice catching up just us and I'm starting to feel the odd one out!'
This ^ Keeps the tone light / doesn't say you specifically don't want the partners there / reminds them it has evolved into something completely different from what it used to be.
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