Page 2 | Friends inviting partners to our meet up - say nothing?

janeseymour78 · 2022-02-15T16:35:10+00:00

I have some friends I see about once every 1 1/2 - 2 months and when we do it's lovely. However, one by one they are now all bringing their partners. The first friend it was like ' fine, ok', but now as I am the only single person, I feel I will be like a sore thumb. To be honest I've been dating but single since my last LTR a few years ago and usually I'm not bothered but I actually feel a bit upset about it lately and felt crap during valentine's. At the same time, they've invited their partners now and will look petty to say anything. Wwyd, go along this time and say something if it becomes a habit? Or bring it up now and sound like a grump? [sad] In a way I feel like bowing out and letting them all be together with their partners, but then I'll just be alone for the night!

EinsteinaGogo · 15/02/2022 19:45

I feel for you, OP..

That's really off of your friends.

Let's hope their partners don't get on and it never happens again 🤞🤞

Glowtastic · 15/02/2022 19:50

I would hate this. I wouldn't go but then I'm a bit miserable like that! I do have a partner, but it drives me mad when I go to meet a friend(s) without him as per arrangement and they bring partners along, esp if I don't know them well, I just feel awkward. Some couples do everything together though and there's not much you can do to change it.

Ginger1982 · 15/02/2022 19:54

So it's only happened this one time?

comedycentral · 15/02/2022 22:34

I feel for you OP. I can't bear people that can't socialise without partners!

MyAnacondaMight · 15/02/2022 22:44

It’s a one off. I get it, it’s hard - but I think you need to suck it up this time.

If they want to bring partners again next time, you’d be reasonable to comment that it changes the vibe and ask that it be an occasional thing rather than become the new standard.

Brightandyoung · 15/02/2022 23:05

Nobody likes to be the single person in a group of couples.

I do! I’m a singleton and I get frustrated the other way - every single meet up ever is always just ‘the girls’. I love male company and would always prefer a mixed group but am rarely invited to one.

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 19/02/2022 11:18

@MyAnacondaMight

It’s a one off. I get it, it’s hard - but I think you need to suck it up this time.

If they want to bring partners again next time, you’d be reasonable to comment that it changes the vibe and ask that it be an occasional thing rather than become the new standard.

In the end I went. Did have a few moments of feeling the gooseberry but enjoyed the night overall and also by chance bumped into other friends which I was grateful for!

The only thing was we had been talking about a girls holiday in summer but suddenly the boyfriends were being invited. I also think they might meet as couples which I understand but I hope it won't get in the way of the friendship we have if they all become close as couples.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2022 11:20

@PurpleDaisies

I would explicitly say you want to meet as a girls only night out next time. There’s nothing wrong with that.

And then any of the group who are lesbians can bring their partners? It's not that OP wants women only is it, it's that she doesn't want it to be all couples but her.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2022 11:22

@Brightandyoung

Nobody likes to be the single person in a group of couples.

I do! I’m a singleton and I get frustrated the other way - every single meet up ever is always just ‘the girls’. I love male company and would always prefer a mixed group but am rarely invited to one.

I prefer mixed groups, but that's not the same as being the only single in a group of couples. I don't like that at all!

I think the solution for OP is to look for more single friends. They become harder to find as you get older, but they do exist.

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 19/02/2022 12:42

Agreed!

To be honest, it is hard to meet friends you really connect with as you get older. I only know 1 other person who is single atm and although I like her and we meet for coffee, we just dont have the same amount in common or get on as well as I do with the others.

I'm already going on a trip with a mix of couples and some singles this year. Being the only single in couples on hol would be a huge NO for me. It's a shame seeing as the original plan wasn't to bring the BFs, but not much I can do!

OP posts:

Brightandyoung · 19/02/2022 18:38

@Gwenhwyfar

I don’t find being the only single a problem. It’s not like everyone’s snogging! Why would it be an issue?

DogsAndGin · 19/02/2022 19:16

The more the merrier. As you’ve said you’re single but dating, I thought maybe you’re hoping to find a partner. If so, with the men coming along, you could get friendly with them and maybe then maybe they’ll introduce you to their male friends. You never know, you might click with someone

tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict · 19/02/2022 19:20

I think you're friends are being unreasonable. I am single and have lots of friends in couples and they would never do this. I am not sure what the answer is but just wanted to say I think your friends are being thoughtless. Some of them may actually prefer it being a girls night but have invited their partners because the others did. You might he doing them a favour by mentioning it.

tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict · 19/02/2022 19:21

As OP said, it's about the dynamic and the level of conversation when partners are invited. It is a completely different atmosphere.

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 19/02/2022 20:05

@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict

I think you're friends are being unreasonable. I am single and have lots of friends in couples and they would never do this. I am not sure what the answer is but just wanted to say I think your friends are being thoughtless. Some of them may actually prefer it being a girls night but have invited their partners because the others did. You might he doing them a favour by mentioning it.

They are usually such thoughtful people too. Actually one of the boyfriends tried to muscle in on the holiday and then other friend was just saying 'oh yes, of course you should come too!'. And then they asked if I was still interested and I said I'd have to see as I was booking another trip (which is true).

I will be sad if it becomes an all couples thing because it hasn't been that way but if it does I'll just need to explain how I feel. I really value their friendships and wouldn't like to lose them.

OP posts:

Original poster

janeseymour78 · 19/02/2022 20:09

@DogsAndGin

The more the merrier. As you’ve said you’re single but dating, I thought maybe you’re hoping to find a partner. If so, with the men coming along, you could get friendly with them and maybe then maybe they’ll introduce you to their male friends. You never know, you might click with someone

I'm in no rush to meet someone but am open to the idea if someone turns up, whether through interests/online dating/friends.

I certainly am not desperate to meet someone in an effort to keep up with my friends. I'm actually quite content being single atm.

OP posts:

Rogue1001MNer · 19/02/2022 20:45

I think holidays are a slightly different thing. I love a girls night without partners, but I probably wouldn't want to go away without dh because holidays are precious. Esp after the last couple of years.

I'd just title the next event "girls night out" and they'll all clock on

Gwenhwyfar · 19/02/2022 23:41

[quote Brightandyoung]@Gwenhwyfar

I don’t find being the only single a problem. It’s not like everyone’s snogging! Why would it be an issue?[/quote]
I find it uncomfortable. Mixed groups in general are great and I'm totally against 'girls' nights out'.