Change my life for me! What would you do?

[ChangeMeUp]

I’ve got to that point where my dc have left home. I’m widowed. I’m solvent. I’m bored. I work part time and I volunteer, but I still feel I have a lot of time to fill.

I also appear to have no hobbies/interests, no imagination and don’t know what to do to improve things or how to make big changes. I always thought once the dc were adults I’d have no problem filling my time. The truth is that I feel lonely and useless and at a very different stage to all my friends. How do I make the most of my life?

Could you be a mentor to a teenager? Could you foster a teenager? Could you set up a group locally for widowers to meet up once a week for coffee/walks/days out or even holidays? Could you help out a new mum (for example, one struggling with post natal depression or volunteer at a baby group for new mothers who are struggling?). Could you join an art or pottery class? I personally think that I would try to set up or join a group for others in your situation so that you can make some decent friendships and perhaps go on holiday. And you never know, you might just find Mr Darcy shows up and joins. Also, this phase won't last forever. In a few years your children will probably return to the nest with new partners and hopefully you will have some grandchildren to fill up your days. I have been in that lonely situation before, sat feeling glum and not knowing what to do with myself. So in the end I set up a group for get togethers on a local FB page. People quickly signed up and before I knew it, 14 of us met up a couple of times a week. I've made a couple of lasting friendships out of it. I can absolutely guarantee you this ... That somewhere a few doors down or just around the corner there will be several other people in a similar boat, all sat feeling lonely and not knowing how to fill up their days. And you could be the one to change that! For yourself, but also for them!

I love what @ChocolateLover2000 and @gingerhills had to say.

I’d look at finding a combination of exercise (for your health) that you enjoy, something frivolous just for fun and something for your brain. I’d also do a mix of daily activities, weekly activities, monthly activities and ad hoc things just so every week doesn’t look the same.
So my suggestions would be:
Daily- wordle, walking,, reading, listen to podcasts, craft and yoga
Weekly - other forms of exercise eg swimming, gym classes, water aerobics. Pottery class, the YouTube painting classes you can do where you copy a picture and they talk you through how to do it, cooking a new recipe eg bread making , different salad
Monthly- book club, garden group
Ad hoc- quiz nights. Theatre (even getting involved in amateur theatre- I have a friend who is in charge of props) dinner or brunch with a group of friends, different kind of cocktail or wine that you’ve never tried before. Public. Lectures if you have a university or similar close by. Solo trips away. Start with just one night and go mid week as it’s likely to be cheaper. That will give you more confidence to try something a bit longer.

You could try finding a church, although some are better than others and you need the right fit. Find one that does social things. Alpha is social but maybe too full on. A local one to me runs groups you can sign up to such as craft groups. Ours used to run a cafe which gave chance to chat to people. Some run midweek services. You do not have to be Christian to go. Just sort of accepting the ethos...

If that's not your thing:

Language learning though our local ones are all on line currently so maybe another adult ed class that's more practical.

If that's not you

We got quite worried about my mum a while ago - she had always been quite a social, dynamic woman, but her increasingly limited mobility was catching up with her and, coupled with lockdown, she was getting a bit depressed.

I think she is probably quite a bit older than you, but she joined an organisation called The Jolly Dollies. They have 'chapters' all over the UK and members of all ages, although I would say most are probably 50+.

It has really given her spark back - she's made loads of new friends and is always off doing stuff (she's got a better social life than me in my 40s!). Most importantly, I think, she's just feeling a bit more purposeful now and not just waiting for life to happen to her.

It might not be your thing, but wouldn't hurt to check it out?

Try 12 different clubs/activity/group - One for every month of the year.

Start them one at a time and give it a good go for a month. By the end of the month you’ll either like it enough o keep going or decide to leave.
Add a new club/activity/group every new month, regardless of the outcome of the previous month.

In one year from now you’ll have found at least one thing you love doing and one group of people you enjoy seeing.

U3a ?

join a gym or exercise class - the daytime classes tend to be quite sociable and people stay for coffee in the cafe afterwards.
walking group
parkrun - walk or volunteer if you're not into running. Again, there's usually a coffee afterwards and people are very welcoming.
There's lot of jobs in hospitality on offer at the moment, would an evening or two working in a pub suit you? That can be quite sociable.
Women's Institute

You say you feel woefully ignorant about the world.

An easy win to improve your knowledge and confidence is to watch the news on TV / listen on the radio. Or read a newspaper online - you don't really have to read it, a few minutes scrolling down the list news articles will give you a decent idea of what's happening in the world.

Volunteers overseas - then you get to travel but with the support of a charity/ other people around

Get an allotment. It will get you outdoors and having a bit of exercise and you get to meet all sorts of people!

Could you take in a well-chosen lodger? Or be a host to foreign students?

Try every single exercise class at your local gym. You're bound to find one that you enjoy.

I went along with a friend to her boxing class a few months ago (because her regular partner couldn't make it). I loved it, I'm now addicted.

Travel: www.newmarketholidays.co.uk/solo-travel?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GEN%7CHOLIDAYTYPES%7CCATEGORY%7CVAR%7COVER50SOLO&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~548600208360~kw~singles%20holidays%20over%2050~mt~e~cmp~8635487236~ag~86858258397&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3_Tsid6B9gIV3oBQBh3XyABsEAAYASAAEgJg-_D_BwE
Can go as a single! See the world!

@GrendelsGrandma

Could you take in a well-chosen lodger? Or be a host to foreign students?

This could actually have some legs.

DM was widowed at 50, and all 4 dc had left home/the city we grew up in/the country. She got a week day lodger. He was a soldier who was off active service and working in Whitehall for a while. 20 years on he is a firm family friend. Obviously this is very specific to London.

gooders1105 - have you travelled with this company? Ive just had a look and they are not cheap, but maybe the price reflects a great experience?