If you were a nervous driver who "got over it"...

[AwkwardPaws27]

How? What worked?

I feel like a complete failure of a person. I have a driving licence, passed first time & did Pass Plus, drove about three times and then didn't have a car for a while.

Its now been about 5 years and I've still not got behind the wheel because I am fucking terrified that I will hurt someone.

Just talking about the idea of having refresher lessons or going somewhere quiet to practice makes me feel sick.

How do I get over it?

Following this thread as I'm also in the same position OP

OK, some good advice, thank you.

There's a relatively quiet route I could take to our local woods - I'd have to cross the A12 but not actually drive along it. That might be a good route to start with.

I've just messaged a local hypnotherapist who apparently deals with driving anxiety as a few people have mentioned that.

DH has promised not to cover his eyes the next time he's in the car with me (he is not a great passenger but I'd still feel safer knowing I could pull over and swap if I had a panic attack).

I work from home and am going on maternity leave soon so don't have a regular commute & can't change job to get one at the moment
But we do have a dog so I could pick a couple of walking locations and practice driving to those.

@ThirdElephant

You drive. End of.

For me it's a daily commute that's done it. Each time I forced myself behind the wheel it got easier to do so. Now it's a non-event (though I still don't like large, busy roundabouts without traffic lights).

This, just drive and you’ll relax into it.

@cheektpara

It took me 17 years between my first driving lesson and passing, with CBT, an autism diagnosis and switching to an automatic in between.

Automatic all the way. I love driving now. I could have never passed in a manual.

This is really interesting. I've been considering pursuing an autism assessment (DH & I are both pretty sure I am) and spacial awareness is definitely not one of my strengths.

My only stipulation when we replaced the car was I wanted an automatic but they were quite a bit more expensive so we got another manual...

I might book a refresher lesson in an auto to see if I get on better with that, although I can't afford to run a second car so maybe I'd better just try the manual again.

Yep. I just made myself do short journeys then more and more. Tried to go when I had no deadline, often pulled over to breathe. Definitely no passengers for about a year as I couldn’t have anybody speak to me.
I’m now totally 100% relaxed about driving.

A short (5 months) course of SSRIs! Not that I'm recommending OP take such a radical course of action, obviously.
I was prescribed the drugs for other issues, and they didn't do much for me, but they did have the unexpected benefit of curing me of my driving anxiety. It was like I was calm enough to learn, and to drive with confidence. That was it, I came off the drugs but never lost the confidence in driving. Pity it didn't generalize to some more areas of my life!

@StandsForComfort

A short (5 months) course of SSRIs! Not that I'm recommending OP take such a radical course of action, obviously. I was prescribed the drugs for other issues, and they didn't do much for me, but they did have the unexpected benefit of curing me of my driving anxiety. It was like I was calm enough to learn, and to drive with confidence. That was it, I came off the drugs but never lost the confidence in driving. Pity it didn't generalize to some more areas of my life!

I've had various antidepressants, psychotherapy and CBT for anxiety and depression. Unfortunately none of it has helped with the driving.

Beta blockers helped a little bit with the physical effects of anxiety while I was having lessons but I can't take them now as I'm pregnant.

as others have said, just by doing it. Although tbf I was never as bad as you sound I wasn't a confident driver and wouldn't drive more than about half an hour on my own. Then got a job where I had to jump in whatever fleet car was available and drive anywhere in the country, and now I don't care at all.

Agree with trying the hypnotist/starting again on BB once you've had the baby (or a herbal alternative?) and having refresher lessons but all on top of: just practising. frequently. wherever you go. not just places you know or quiet roads or easy drives (although by all means start there)! but everywhere.

Practice, lots of it, forcing myself to do it. And what was a key moment was getting a car that was already beaten up. I've never banged or dinged a car in 18 years but I was clearly so worried about doing so I'd freak out. I got this little rough hatchback and suddenly felt so much more relaxed!

I was a nervous driver I forced myself to drive 300 miles to visit family. I left early in the morning whilst it wasn’t too busy. I used a sat nav even though I knew the route.

I have this. It’s a form of OCD for me. Harm OCD. I worry about hurting someone or myself. I could sometimes drive Round the block, and think “oh but maybe I accidentally had an accident but didn’t notice”

So fucking stupid but it literally freaks me out.

What helps me is CBT.

And working up a ladder of fear….

Step 1… driving with DH round block

Step 2… driving with DH to town

Step 3…. Driving alone round block

Step 10 might be driving on motorway or driving in dark etc.

You repeat each step multiple times until the fear is reduced

I’m also debating getting a dash cam. I’ve always been a nervous driver but the fear is so bad right now it’s restricting my life

I passed my test when I was pregnant. Didn’t drive much after that as had nowhere to go and when my son was small I walked everywhere. As time went by I got more and more anxious until I was full on phobic. Couldn’t get in the drivers seat without sweating shaking and wanting to vomit. Didn’t drive for two years. When my son was coming up for primary age I knew I needed to sort it out. Started out by driving along the road. The round the block. Then to the shops. Did each stage over and over until I was comfortable and kept forcing myself to practice. Obviously the more I drove the more situations I encountered which I dealt with and survived now I can drive solo anywhere. I still get nervous sometimes but deep breath. Use my sat nav and crack on. It is literally keep practising. Start small and build it up. Good luck.

I got my driving licence at 17 but only really started driving at age 22 when I met a boyfriend who lived somewhere it was only practical to drive to . So I had an inventive . I still remember though worrying about my drive home whenever I went anywhere for a long time

It then took me until I was 32 to start driving on motorways .That was after I got divorced ( from the above mentioned boyfriend actually who I went on to marry ).

I started living with a girlfriend while getting over the divorce and she just said I had to start getting used to driving on the motorway and didn't let me angst about it . She insisted I drove on the motorway to one particular party as it was her turn to drink . So I just drove

I was a really really nervous driver, I hated driving after I passed I thought I'd never like it. What got me over it? Having to drive to work, I had no choice I needed a car.
Over time it just gets easier, you have to persist and soon enough it gets better.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you can do it.

@AwkwardPaws27

How? What worked?

I feel like a complete failure of a person. I have a driving licence, passed first time & did Pass Plus, drove about three times and then didn't have a car for a while.

Its now been about 5 years and I've still not got behind the wheel because I am fucking terrified that I will hurt someone.

Just talking about the idea of having refresher lessons or going somewhere quiet to practice makes me feel sick.

How do I get over it?

I learnt to drive quite late in my late 30's, had loads of lessons, ridiculously passed first time and wasn't a confident driver. I've not had a period of not driving since, but avoided motorways for a couple of years. What made me more confident? Moving away from family members and then adult children moving away. It was a case of learning to drive long distances on motorways or rarely see them.

That's a long winded way of saying that I just had to get on with it. The only thing that makes you a good confident driver is putting in the hours and gaining experience.

Google maps has changed my life too.

Really it was when I had to drive everyday for work along a really busy route including motorway. Prior to that I avoided it at all costs, but now I just jump in the car and go. I don't think there's a magic bullet beyond getting out there and driving- different routes and different times of day regularly.

You'd probably feel far better about driving if you didn't have a dickhead covering his eyes in the passenger seat.

Take the dog somewhere.

@ThirdElephant

You drive. End of.

For me it's a daily commute that's done it. Each time I forced myself behind the wheel it got easier to do so. Now it's a non-event (though I still don't like large, busy roundabouts without traffic lights).

This. I didn't leave my town, or drive on any motorways. My ex forced me to, now I'll drive through Central London at rush hour with barely a blink.

Drive everyday

Round the block

Round the block

Then a bit further.

Everyday day. Don’t take anyone with you.

Do it - you know - everyday for a month.

Job done

And get Waze on your phone. This will tell you the speed limit and where to go (even if you know)

So good !

I was terrified of driving, sure that I would cause a huge crash etc.
What helped was citalopram, not just for driving but within 10 days of starting it I decided to just drive somewhere.
Making up a playlist of songs and singing along, I likened it to the boy listening to music and not stammering. If I was singing then I wasn’t panicking or over thinking.

These might not help you but you will find your own ways and it will get easier.

Also an anxious driver here! I passed my test, then moved to another country where I wasn't allowed to drive, then to a very rural area where I could drive for half an hour and not meet another car. Back in a town now, and I get so nervous in the build up to driving somewhere.

Things that have worked for me: just deciding and going, rather than stressing and looking at routes and working myself up. Driving late at night/early morning around the area. Driving alone, with no comments from family about my driving skills. Making a conscious decision not to beat myself up over things I mess up (I cut someone up? Oh well, that's unfortunate but I learnt something and will know better next time). And, taking whatever silly route I want to (adding 10 minutes on to the journey to avoid a motorway island? Only person I'm inconveniencing is me).

I agree with lots of “just doing it”. But what also helped me was making my car a nice place to be in, and definitely “my space”. I got a really nice plug in air freshener which meant the car smelled really relaxing. i made sure the auto-settings for the radio were what i wanted to hear. I have a way of setting up my iPhone so that I can easily use it as sat nav in the car. I emptied the boot of everyone else's shit from several years ago. I worked out where my water bottle could go. Basically I made it feel like somewhere that was more of a safe space and part of my solution than somewhere that was part of the problem.

I didn’t drive for awhile after passing my test. Too scared. I’d try bits but exh used to put me off with his angst.
When we divorced I got a car and did small journeys to local tescos and train station.
Then it was necessity that made me drive properly. My direct train to work was taken off so I had to drive between cities.

I tried it late at night. And couldn’t have the radio on,
So it was necessity and lots of practice at quiet times.

Love driving now.

I passed my test then for many reasons didn't drive for 9 years (at uni, lived in London and then abroad) had some refresher lessons including motorway driving but it was just driving that got me over the nerves.
My NCT group helped as was too embarrassed to says I wouldn't come to meet ups because I was to scared to drive to places.
I still don't like driving long distances on motorways but commute by car now.