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Original poster

If you were a nervous driver who "got over it"...

57 replies

AwkwardPaws27 · 12/02/2022 20:17

How? What worked?

I feel like a complete failure of a person. I have a driving licence, passed first time & did Pass Plus, drove about three times and then didn't have a car for a while.

Its now been about 5 years and I've still not got behind the wheel because I am fucking terrified that I will hurt someone.

Just talking about the idea of having refresher lessons or going somewhere quiet to practice makes me feel sick.

How do I get over it?

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 12/02/2022 20:21

You drive. End of.

For me it's a daily commute that's done it. Each time I forced myself behind the wheel it got easier to do so. Now it's a non-event (though I still don't like large, busy roundabouts without traffic lights).

gamerchick · 12/02/2022 20:22

I was. I just.... drove until I was over it. Now I can do the school run with the best of them.

If you haven't drove for a while then definitely take some refresher lessons. After that you just have to force yourself to do it. 'Learning to drive' comes after your test oddly.

Original poster
AwkwardPaws27 · 12/02/2022 20:27

Any tips for stopping yourself throwing up with nerves?

OP posts:

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Driving & parking
ThirdElephant · 12/02/2022 20:30

@AwkwardPaws27

Any tips for stopping yourself throwing up with nerves?
Don't over plan it. Don't decide to go tomorrow at noon because you'll spend all night and the next morning fretting about it. Just decide to do it and then do it.

Do you have a car with you at the moment? Go drive around the block. Right now. Grab your keys and go. Give yourself no time to throw up.

Baconking · 12/02/2022 20:35

Hypnosis or tapping (eft) could help.

Wineloffa · 12/02/2022 20:35

I was so nervous when I first started driving (aged 30) but I forced myself to drive everywhere, everyday until eventually it eased. I actually used to shake with fear at the beginning! I drove 4 hours on a motorway a few months after passing my test because I knew if I didn’t do it then I never would. My family live at the other side of the country so being able to drive on a motorway to go and see them was very important to me.

Sat nav really helps too because if it barks out directions I can stay focused on the driving and not worry so much about getting lost!

Sorry I don’t have any over advice except face the fear and do it anyway! Drive as much as you can and it will get easier..

Original poster
AwkwardPaws27 · 12/02/2022 20:36

Do you have a car with you at the moment? Go drive around the block. Right now. Grab your keys and go. Give yourself no time to throw up.

I have covid and am in my pyjamas feeling like crap right now, but I take your point.

I tried getting in the drivers seat a few months ago but was shaking. We live off of quite a busy road so would really need to go somewhere else to practice as you can't go around the block without turning onto that road.

OP posts:
FigitBit · 12/02/2022 20:39

I’m getting there but still don’t love unfamiliar routes.

Some good advice I had is don’t think about driving when you’re not actually driving. I was imagining all kinds of horrible situations and keeping myself awake at night.

I also got a better car which has made me more confident on motorways than my ancient slow small car

cheektpara · 12/02/2022 20:41

It took me 17 years between my first driving lesson and passing, with CBT, an autism diagnosis and switching to an automatic in between.

Automatic all the way. I love driving now. I could have never passed in a manual.

Original poster
AwkwardPaws27 · 12/02/2022 20:44

I also got a better car which has made me more confident on motorways than my ancient slow small car

I thought this would help but still haven't plucked up the courage. Our old car was so rattly - I drove it a few times but got stuck the last time I drove trying to turn onto the A12 as I couldn't get the bloody handbrake off. Felt so bloody stupid.

I wanted an automatic but they were more expensive so we've got a newer manual. DH says it's much easier to drive though so I really do need to get over it.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and feel like I'll ruin our child's life if I don't drive.

OP posts:
Gladioli23 · 12/02/2022 20:47

I didn't like driving...then I got a new job and had to drive ten thousand miles in a year for work and by the end of it I didn't mind it any more.

Can you go somewhere properly quiet just for the first attempt - a supermarket car park early on a Sunday morning? And then once you're going it will be okay. I do get the worry though, when I hadn't driven for years and bought a car I ended up making my dad pick it up from the garage, drive me to a dead quiet bit of road so I could practice clutch control etc but it comes back like riding a bike.

Florencenotflo · 12/02/2022 20:48

I was so nervous to start with. Driving familiar routes a lot helped, I had a very monotonous commute for 2 years which was quite long but very boring.

My DH is a walking sat nav, he can visit places once and remember them years later. He used to drive a lorry so knew most of our county like the back of his hand. If I had an unfamiliar route to drive he would take me the week before sometimes. Or if we were out we'd just go for a drive sometimes, just seeing where random roads went was so useful.

And over time I'm not as nervous any more and DH no longer needs to show me routes in advance! If I'm going somewhere for the first time I will google maps the route just to see which direction im heading in!

FennecShandDoesEverything · 12/02/2022 20:49

I just did it. I drove and drove again and drove some more, and it no longer bothers me in the slightest. I can even parallel park like a demon.

It sounds like you might need to work up to it a bit more slowly though. If necessary, you start with sitting in driver's seat for a short period of time, then make it longer, then you turn the key without going anywhere, then you do a little driving around an empty Sunday morning car park, etc.

TheMissingMango · 12/02/2022 20:52

I'm the same as you OP. But I need to sort it out. We now have an automatic so I really need to just drive the thing.

I'm going to try hypnosis and refresher lessons.

Rainbowshit · 12/02/2022 20:53

We moved somewhere that I had to drive. So I did. Now it's second nature. You just have to make yourself do it.

inheritancetrack · 12/02/2022 20:53

I was driving my van (so a bigger version of a car) and thought to myself how easy it would be to lose confidence if I had an accident. I realised how important it was to be confident

EdHelpPls · 12/02/2022 20:54

I used to throw up before lessons. I used to think I could never have anyone talk to me in the car as it would be too distracting.
Shortly after taking my R plates off I was driving a 3 ton motorhome.

I still plan routes to avoid certain roundabouts, and I try to avoid the motorways at busy times but sometimes I have to do it and it's always been ok.

You just have to do it. Get a refresher lesson if it's been 5 years since behind the wheel and let them know you are nervous. Then when ready to go out at quiet times in quieter spots.

Tee20x · 12/02/2022 20:54

Find somewhere you know the route to like the back of your hand so you know what to expect. When I first started mine would be my partners house. I'd been going there for years and could walk it with my eyes closed and knew the roads well enough to know what to expect. The first few times I was nervous and my legs would get the shakes lol but now I do it no problems.

My confidence hasn't extended to going to new places so that stresses me out a bit but you just have to get on with it really and when you have no choice you just do it!

ToastedCrumpetWithCheese · 12/02/2022 21:01

Agree with everyone else, driving is the way to overcome it.

My husband was a very patient passenger and on all our journeys we would share the driving. So I would drive to Tesco and he would drive home (that way I wouldn't feel sick all round Tesco but could reward myself with a delicious treat for driving there!!). On longer journeys I started literally just driving for a few minutes, either from our house to the services at our motorway junction, sometimes between services on the motorway. Little and often really helped the most.

100problems · 12/02/2022 21:01

Think about this.

If your child needed help or one of your parents needed help, you'd need to get in the car and go right?

My dad's advice was point where you want to go, do it with confidence and let everyone else worry about damaging their own cars.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 12/02/2022 21:04

I passed when I was 19 and was nervous about longer distance motorway driving at first. My dad was really unsympathetic when I asked him for help ( mum never learned to drive).

But I needed to, so I just..drove. And gradually the anxiety got less.

100problems · 12/02/2022 21:05

Then again, I reflected the other day that when I took my lessons on a Saturday age 19, I'd just changed my clothes and cleaned my teeth after a night clubbing so I may not be the best driving guru.

There again, 35 years later I've never had an insurance claim.

Although DF's advice to that was on pain of death never say it was your fault.

ToastedCrumpetWithCheese · 12/02/2022 21:06

I should add that 12 years later, I now drive a huge 7-seater and although I still get anxious about parking, I'm happy to drive any car. I don't mind unfamiliar routes as long as I can have a look on Google street view for big junctions etc so I'm not carefree but definitely not restricted by my anxiety.

Nadjahomesoil · 12/02/2022 21:14

Get an automatic op. Not everyone can drive a manual.

I used to be terrified before driving lessons, failed 3 tests, hated driving.

Then I got an automatic and love it, I'm driving all over the country, drove in Spain last year. Not a chance in hell I'd ever have done that in a manual.

ToastedCrumpetWithCheese · 12/02/2022 21:17

Our 7-seater is an automatic and I do love driving it. I only have to worry about steering and looking, not also gears. Worth considering especially if you end up with a bigger car in the future.