Coming off a child protection plan.

[Bella3456]

I dont know if anyone has experience with social services but I feel a little disheartened. Ive posted before but long story short I left the bloke they wanted to me to leave a good few months ago. She said the only other problems were house clutter but agreed that i had sorted that out to an acceptable standard. Anyway I had my core group meeting. I had the social worker/ earl help team person who said she had 'no problems with me or the care of my son whatsoever and was dropping her part in all of this' and also my sons teacher. The social worker was VILE. Saying the house was horrendous but then the early help team person interrupted her and said she thought the house was fine. Then my sons headteacher said that on occasions in class he appears tired. I explained that he goes to bed at 8pm (hes 6) and she had a mental breakdown saying it was far too late which I disagreed with as he's bouncing off the walls at 6.30am every day. My social worker then suggested counselling and I politely explained that I want to wait until my son is old enough to look after himself as counselling is very draining and he has after school clubs/ swimming/ play dates. She went INSANE saying im not thinking of my son i argued I am indeed thinking of my son but counselling is very personal and I would like to have it when he's about 12/13 and can look after himself so I have the time. The early help worker was singing my praises but he social worker and head teacher really did not like or agree with anything I had to say everyone agreed son is happy/ healthy and has a wide set of friends and my son also told them he hasn't had any contact with my ex (the truth) I genuinely feel at this point that they may keep me on child protection due to how angry she seemed to be at me? But if I've left my abusive ex which my son also says I have I dont see how they can? Early help team person was sinibgmy praises and also seemed quite shocked with how social worker spoke to me.have also heard terrible things about this same social worker from other people. Arw their any social workers on here? Can they keep you on a protection plan for what seem like trivial things? Thankyou

If you have left the partner and are doing the right things I wouldn’t worry about him remaining on the plan in the short term. I know it feels like the SW and head were out to get you (I hope they weren’t although the SW sounds v opinionated) but it’s more to reduce the risk to the child of anything happening. Given the recent high profile cases I think everyone is on high alert and small things like prioritising clubs and play dates over counselling may ring alarm bells. Keep in contact, don’t withdraw from them. Keep the house tidy and in order, consider a slightly earlier bed time, be the best mum you can and you will come off the plan eventually when the time is right.

Did they suggest to drop it down to child in need?

"Address" the bedtime issue (going to bed and going to sleep are two different things)

Is counselling really going to be so hard to do? The waiting list is long very very long put yourself on the list you cannot be held accountable for nhs waiting times

Can’t you request that the counselling needs during school hours?

I would agree to go on the counselling waiting list, then you are ticking all their boxes.

Do you know what I totally forgot about the high profile cases and I bet that's the reason why! The counselling was for me....not my son. Which confused me even more to be honest.and thats the thing its SO tempting to tell them to fuck off but at the end of the day it won't get me anywhere I just feel like I've done so well and I've got rid of who hey wanted me to get rid of which took a lot for me to do. Then they are there shouting at you that its still not good enough! My big meeting is in April....il do my best and hopefully will get dropped down!

www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/sleep-hygiene-children/

This is the guidance from great ormand Street pretty sure he falls in the age appropriate category for hours asleep give it a go if they question you again tell them you looked it up and you have brought it forward to err on the side of caution

For the sake of coming off the CP plan I'd look into counselling. I don't mean this in a patronising way but showing that you're going to counselling/getting on the list will evidence that you recognise your part in the abusive relationship. That is not saying you deserved to be abused. That is saying when we end up in abusive relationships sometimes (me included) have such low self esteem we don't recognise what a healthy relationship is. Going to counselling, or doing the freedom programme will A help you and B show them that you're putting in measures to not end up back in another abusive relationship. Children witnessing abuse is classed as abuse and its the SW job to make sure you're dc isn't being harmed and children are harmed when they're parents are in abusive relationships. Hard pill to swallow though and there's no blame coming from me whatsoever.

The bedtimes, well that's a personal thing. 8pm at 6 isn't what I did but it's not in the realms of child abuse.

Thannkyou I could agree to just go on the waiting list....I think I'm just in shock that she said I wasn't prioritising my son when I literally said I havent got the ability to be that drained and wanted to put him first and be happy and there for him. I just don't understand them sonetimes

Yes adult counselling services are appalling you get a couple of phone calls after a 12 month plus wait its area dependant my friend had three one to give background one to discuss one for next steps if needed in some areas you get six calls either way go to your doctor get on the list get proof you have been referred

You literally need to comply

Have you done the womans aid courses yet? Freedom programme is online

@theunamedcat thankyou for that!

Is the counselling to address how you ended up in an abusive relationship and give you the tools to avoid either returning to this partner or starting a new relationship with an abusive person? Patterns often repeat themselves and counselling will help keep your child safe if you are addressing this, which is why it is sometimes stated on CP Plans.

@theunamedcat I did the freedom programme quite a long time ago but u had to miss one due to being at work and they gve me so much shit for missing just one session and they didn't seem to mention it again until my last meeting

@ohnoitgometo I definetly understand the importance of counselling i jist feel for me and my son it would be more appropriate to go through when he's older as we have a very very busy life right now. Ive had counselling in the past and because my childhood was so bad its horrible re living it all and I found it extremely draining and I don't want my son to see me in that drained state just yet

I very much doubt that your sons headteacher had a "mental breakdown" or that the social worker "went insane" OP. I've read your other thread and all this is against the backdrop of 3 years of your son being on a child protection plan while you stayed with an abusive man. You only got rid of him in November.

You won't want to hear this and it will sound harsh, but you need to have counselling or as a very bare minimum commit fully to the Freedom programme, because at the moment they have no reason to believe that you won't repeat the same (recent) bad judgements you've admitted to.

If the counselling would leave you so drained that your 6yo would be aware of that (at 6, mine was pretty oblivious to anything beyond her own interests) then surely that simply shows just how much in need of it you are? And so waiting another 6 years will be detrimental to you, and as a result, potentially detrimental to him.

A mother who has benefited from counselling is far more important to a child’s well-being than a play date. Perhaps they’re concerned that you don’t see that, and prioritise it.

Your language is concerning too:
I left the bloke they wanted me to.
Not - I ended the relationship because I improved my boundaries, expectations and self esteem.

I’m not privy to all your contact, but even from the way you come across here, I’d say you still need support. I hope you get that, and make the best of it.

Ive posted before but long story short I left the bloke they wanted to me to leave a good few months ago

You are still not being honest with yourself. You left him at the end of November- that is 11 weeks ago, not a ‘good few months’.

Freedom is now available online costs about ten pounds

Unfortunately nothing in your post suggests you are doing it all for your child, rather than just because they told you to. I think you should do the counselling, look at addressing bedtime issues as they have suggested and keep getting as much support as you can from them.

I wonder if your language is making them think the counselling needs to be an absolute priority. You have said several times that you left the person they wanted you to rather than emphasising that you left someone to keep you and your child safe. It may well be highlighting a need to reflect on this in order to prevent repeating this behaviour and counselling would be a positive way to do that.

I absolutely get where your coming from BTW when my ex and I split I had social services in they were fucking horrendous demanding loud accusing me if centering him of wanting to be with him I didn't I wanted some time to process it all I was fucking traumatised I ended up doing freedom and all the follow on programs they did including the kids one it kept them off my back and gave me some support

I just feel like I've done so well and I've got rid of who hey wanted me to get rid of which took a lot for me to do

You have done really well, ending an abusive relationship is very hard, but it sounds like you’ve done it because they told you to, not because you recognised the harm being done to your child and to you which means you could easily find yourself back in the same position with your ex or someone else. 3 months away from a 3 year relationship is nothing really, you’ve still got a way to go in terms of your recovery and your sons.

I can hear what you’re saying about counselling, but waiting for 6 years for support is too long and your son at 12/13 may be much more aware of your distress while going through counselling than he would be now. And you’ll be carrying all that trauma and distress for another 6 years, which isn’t great for you or your child.

You need to look at what you’re being asked to do under the CP plan, and why - as in what’s the impact on your child’s safety and well-being if you do/don’t do it. The plan is literally there to protect your child, and working with the plan is about giving him the best chance of being safe, not about ticking boxes to get SW off your back. If they didn’t need to be involved, they wouldn’t be - they have a thousand other things they could be doing, so there will be a need there, even if that’s hard for you to acknowledge.

To add to the good advice here, please remember they are doing this to support you and your son. It's not a punishment for anything
I wish you luck, but I think it's best you take their advice, see what works for you

It sounds like you've retuned a corner and are doing really well.

I suggest you do the few things that SS have suggested - the counselling and trying to establish an earlier bedtime for your DS.

It must feel that you've already done a lot, but only one more push forward and hopefully SS will be satisfied and you'll be signed off.

Good luck and hope it all works out for you and your son

I will say one final trick my social worker did was suddenly pulling support she tried to take me to court to remove my children but were told not enough evidence after one meeting so she dropped me down from child protection to child in need then dropped it totally I was warned by a lady at the school she had seen this done before and what usually happens is mum and dad get back together and boom they have there evidence and there go your children joke was on her I never got back with my ex the school kept asking me how he was I said I don't know I don't see him it was amazing how many staff members just happened to drive past on the night he was dropping them off only to watch me take the children inside and shut the door in his face

That wasn’t by chance, I’d absolutely check that an abusive ex wasn’t creeping back on the scene - it’s not unusual for him to reappear once they think the coast is clear. And it’s not at all unusual for women to lie about it so yes, I’d be keeping an eye on drop offs and pick ups, looking for signs in the house that he was living there. We’re there to protect children and part of that is checking up that what we’re being told is in fact what’s happening - I’d rather check and risk pissing you off than be standing over a dead child.

@Theunamedcat and thank goodness for those staff members going out of their way, in their own time, unpaid, to keep your children safe. Your attitude sucks.