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Original poster

I need to sort my life out

38 replies

Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 18:41

I am in such a fucking quandry. Everywhere I look I see blockages and problems to overcome. I am a single mother 3 kids 18, 15 and 12. 3 years ago I had a stroke, thankfully it wasn't devastating, but I have less use of my right hand which unfortunately was my dominant hand. I have use of it, but can't really write anymore, it looks like a small child's handwriting.

Before and after the stroke I was suicidally depressed, my life got away from me, I couldn't deal with anything. My family (sisters) basically couldn't give a shit and I'm pretty much no contact. My ex (kids father) is a reliable friend, we don't really have much to do with each other, but he does what he can and is the one person I can rely on.

I feel like I could actually work, my financial situation is basically unlivable at the moment, it's awful, I literally cannot imagine living like this forever. I get basic esa, of which most of it is taken by bills that are taken before I see a penny. Child tax credits are reduced because may eldest left college, it's miserable.

I have had many jobs in the past, there are so many barriers to entry now though. Does anyone have an idea of what I could apply for, it seems impossible, I last worked in 2017, I have no references I could supply. Everything seems hopeless.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 08/02/2022 18:44

That sounds really tough op. I'm not sure. What would be ideal?

Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:06

Me getting a job I suppose

OP posts:
FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother · 08/02/2022 19:06

Have you ever had any advice from the Stroke Association? An ex-colleague of mine works on their helpline and she's a diamond.

Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:08

@FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother

Have you ever had any advice from the Stroke Association? An ex-colleague of mine works on their helpline and she's a diamond.
No, I'm a very shy, introverted (fucked up) person so kind of went into my shell after the stroke. Everyone I know literally forgets I even had one and didn't really care at the time.
OP posts:
Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:09

I'm only 40, and somehow feel ashamed of it tbh.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 08/02/2022 19:10

I’d get in touch with the stroke foundation as suggested and also CAB. There will be specialist organisations that can help you return to work, you just need to find them.

Best wishes, it sounds really tough

DSGR · 08/02/2022 19:15

You poor thing, you have had a horrible time. But you are amazing - you want a job and you want to get out of this. That is the first step. There are loads of jobs that don’t involve writing or writing much. Are you able to type with your hand at all? What about customer service or a shop-type role? Can you access local careers coaching for free via the job centre or anything? There is lots of support out there for people wanting work.
And definitely call the Stroke Association in case they can offer advice in getting back into work

Notcontent · 08/02/2022 19:21

That sounds really tough. What sort of qualifications and work experience do you have?

Poetrypatty · 08/02/2022 19:25

Would you be able to do some voluntary work for a couple of months, to build up your confidence and get a reference? I wonder if you could even do that with the Stroke Association or something like that. Please don't feel ashamed, it's not your fault, you sound amazing.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 08/02/2022 19:30

Agree with others about finding some support to get you started. The Stroke Association sounds like a good place to start. I turned my life around and I was older than you. It is absolutely possible.

Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 19:33

I have gcse and A-levels although would struggle to afford or remember the boards/certificates. Have done retail, care/hospital and lab tech in the past. Tbh would rather work in care than retail, at least that can feel a bit rewarding.

OP posts:
riotlady · 08/02/2022 19:46

There’s a charity called Astriid which supports people with long term health issues (which I assume a stroke with long term effects would count as) into finding work, could be worth looking into?

I recently joined the civil service after a health condition meant I couldn’t work in the sector I trained for. They’re really good with accommodations but also the application process is great for people with career gaps- it’s all about examples of when you’ve done things (like team work) but you don’t have to say when exactly you did it, and you remove all reference to your age etc on your application. They also often operate a guaranteed interview scheme for people with disabilities if you meet the minimum requirements

FrankieBoyleSezLoveOneAnother · 08/02/2022 19:55

You sound more employable than me! You've got nothing to feel ashamed of - 40 is young, but you haven't inflicted anything on yourself, it's just bad luck. A friend of mine had a stroke at 33. He has HIV and thinks the stroke was caused by anti-retroviral drugs he was prescribed. It left him with a slight shuffle in his walk, but this didn't stop him working as a tourist guide. He's quite an introverted guy, actually, but knows his history.

The Stroke Association have a general getting-back-to-work guide here but I'd encourage you to call them, it sounds like you'd benefit from speaking to people who know what you are talking about. Flowers

Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 20:16

Thanks, I guess I will give the stroke association a call, I kind of fobbed them off at the time. I'm not very good at talking to people tbh Im so isolated I am out of practice.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 08/02/2022 20:24

Is your 18 in employment ? They need to make a contribution, whether that be a portion of wages or benefits. Spell it out to them. If they don't contribute then the whole family is at risk of being homeless.
Have you applied for PIP?

Whatliesbeneath707 · 08/02/2022 20:32

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this @Featuredcreature. It must be hard to see how things could be different but just that fact that you want to make changes is a huge step.
If you are on Instagram, follow Paul Mort. He has a really interesting history and often shares how he's gone from rock bottom to where he is now. He is very straight talking & swears a fair bit but he is really good at motivating people. He did a free webinar on Sunday evening that you can listen to.

I hope things soon change for you OP.

Whatliesbeneath707 · 08/02/2022 20:35

Also, if you are a reader, look at the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain - The Power of Introverts in a World That Cannot Stop Talking 😉

PangolinPie · 08/02/2022 20:36

If you are struggling to carry out everyday activities due to the effects of your stroke, it might be worth trying to claim PIP, which will help your financial situation while you're looking for work?

Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 20:39

@MrsMoastyToasty

Is your 18 in employment ? They need to make a contribution, whether that be a portion of wages or benefits. Spell it out to them. If they don't contribute then the whole family is at risk of being homeless. Have you applied for PIP?
No she isn't, I am really struggling to get her photo id to get a bank account, then she can apply for benefits/jobs. My ex if I'm honest is fucking useless at anything practical. I struggle to enforce boundaries and confront my kids because tbh I feel like a frigging mouse and that I am a non person.
OP posts:
Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 20:42

I have thought about trying to get pip, that would help a lot. It seems so humiliating though, I don't really want to spell out how wretched and pathetic I am to strangers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Featuredcreature · 08/02/2022 20:43

Although that's what I am doing right now Hmm

OP posts:
chillimilli · 08/02/2022 20:45

Sounds really hard op Thanks

I don't have much practical advice but I just wanted to say that you are very much a person - an amazing one in fact for being a single mum, having suffered something so huge so young and you're still fighting. Your strength inspires me. Better days will come. Hang on in there x

Sideswiped · 08/02/2022 20:52

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Life was unkind to you - that's not a judgement of you by the way - bad things happen to good people too.
My take on this is that you could do with some support with your mental health (I've been off work for four months now and have reached out to my local well-being services.) I've got an appointment with someone who deals with people with long term conditions. Could you do the same? I called and left a message and honestly didn't think I'd get any further (MH services here are notoriously bad), but miraculously I did!
I'm very pleased that someone can support me through the process of (for me), trying to get back to work.
If you think I'm projecting at all, I'm sorry, but I honestly think you might get some help to feel a bit 'stronger' with dealing with all of the things that you are.
Secondly, definitely apply for PIP. Your OP reads to me like you would qualify for the personal care the and moving around element too. That might take some of the financial pressure off you. I would hope that The Stroke Association could help you.
Either way, I hope you're receiving either UC, JSA or ESA (although if you're getting JSA I think you would qualify for ESA).
As for applying for jobs, you could see if you could WFH as that sounds like the best path for you, but I'd urge you to pursue the other things I've spoken about first.
Good luck. Thanks

Sideswiped · 08/02/2022 20:55

Re your DD, could she apply for a provisional driving licence? That can be used as ID.

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:04

You need to get out and meet people, go to places your genuinely interested in, become a regular, strike up a relationship and then ask if they need a part timer.