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Original poster

Parents- do you think one parent should always be sober if you have young children?

67 replies

Tattted123 · 08/02/2022 08:05

I have a general view that one parent should be sober when there is young children at home, preferably no drink on board in case of an emergency. My brother think that’s ridiculous and thinks nothing of getting drunk with his wife while the kids are in bed.

What’s your views on this?

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 08/02/2022 08:08

I wouldn't say stone cold sober, but if my DH was drinking I'd only have one.
To be fair, I only pretty much stick to one after having DS anyway. My alcohol tolerance had plummeted and I can't stand the thought of parenting with a hangover.
On the very rare occasion I plan on having a few drinks my DH would drink less.
I was away on a training weekend a little while ago and my DH didn't drink at all. And he usually drinks a fair bit on weekends. I wasn't expecting him to stay sober but he made that call.

Fridafever · 08/02/2022 08:08

Depends on ages of children and how drunk. I wouldn’t want to be slurring falling down drunk ever in front of DS. I don’t think you need someone sober enough to drive at all times unless you also think you shouldn’t have children unless you own a car.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/02/2022 08:13

One parent should be able to look after the children effectively, (so wake up at night if they are distressed, deal with sickness, be able to call an ambulance or taxi)

That doesn't mean total abstinence though... a couple of glasses of wine is different to a couple of bottles. They obviously shouldn't drive though.

Many families have no car and manage fine so having a parent able to drive is unnecessary.

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Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/02/2022 08:14

To add though... DDs are now at the age of evening activities and parties so we have a designated driver until they are collected.

SomePosters · 08/02/2022 08:14

It’s not appropriate for all the adults in the house to be smashed and unable to settle then if they wake in the night.

A bottle of wine between a couple over a cohort of hours is fine

Slammers till your under the table not so much

Mothermorph · 08/02/2022 08:16

I don't drink to excess and have never been drunk but there are regularly times (maybe with a weekend meal, Christmas, going out for birthdays etc) when both DH and I will enjoy a bottle of wine together. I've never not been capable of looking after my children, due to alcohol.

ThreeRingCircus · 08/02/2022 08:21

I don't think both need to be sober enough to drive, you would call a taxi....or an ambulance in an emergency. But one parent needs to be with it enough to look after the children if they wake in the night so I would be tipsy with DH at home but not really drunk.

To be fair, hangovers with young children are absolute hell so getting totally pissed just isn't worth it for me anyway.

Afonavon · 08/02/2022 08:24

Weirdly, when they were little we wouldn’t always have a sober parent. As they grew, we did.

Maybe we were immature (had kids youngish) and realised that it was irresponsible as we grew older.

Interesting question!

RedCandyApple · 08/02/2022 08:27

Does this mean single parents shouldn’t drink? I wouldn’t drink enough to get drunk though!

3WildOnes · 08/02/2022 08:28

We never get drunk when we have kids in the house, we save that for nights out or weekends away. We sometimes both have a couple of glasses of wine but we are perfectly capable of caring for our children.

MindyStClaire · 08/02/2022 08:30

I don't see anything wrong with sharing a bottle of wine type levels of drinking - maybe a little tipsy but certainly more than capable of dealing with a nightmare or unforeseen vomiting incident. We don't make sure one of us is under the limit.

Simplelobsterhat · 08/02/2022 08:31

The only times I've insisted one of us abstains all together are if one of the kids is ill, so needing to take them somewhere if they get worse is more likely, or if, when a bit older, one is sleeping over with friends or getting a lift home from someone else and not walking distance away, because I'd want to be able to get them if they were ill / upset etc.

I wouldn't want to be more than tipsy with kids in the house though, partly in case they wake up / need something, and partly because I wouldn't have time for the hangover!

Suprima · 08/02/2022 08:31

What about parents who don’t drive?

There is nothing wrong with parents sharing a couple of bottles of wine whilst the kids are in bed. I imagine your brother is getting tipsy over dinner, or having a couple of beers- rather than doing tequila slammers with his wife until they can’t stand up? Confused

In an emergency there is Uber, taxis, ambulances? Parents would also sober up pretty quickly in a life threatening situation.

I may think differently if I lived in the middle of nowhere.

Mothermorph · 08/02/2022 08:32

Now my DC are older I'm much more likely not to drink at all because I know they are going to need to be picked up from somewhere at 11pm and it's always me that offers to collect them for example rather than not drinking "just in case".

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 08/02/2022 08:34

DH and I sometimes share a bottle of wine when DS is in bed neither of us drunk, but have been drinking not sure why it has to be no alcohol or drunk. Neither of us are big drinkers DH likes one or two of those hipster IPAs at the weekend and I don't often drink at home at all (I did dry January without planning to or realising until someone at work was celebrating getting to the end) , but if I want an occasional glass of wine when DS is in bed I don't see the problem. I didn't drink during pregnancy and I didn't drink for the year or so I breastfed.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/02/2022 08:37

In the situation you describe with your brother and his partner the kids should be with a sober babysitter. It's pretty bad parenting to do that otherwise.

mistermagpie · 08/02/2022 08:37

We wouldn't get steaming drunk but a few drinks is fine in my opinion.

People always say about driving but loads of people have kids and can't drive anyway,I couldn't drive when we had our first child.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 08/02/2022 08:39

I don't think you need to stay sober or under the drink drive limit - but it's certainly sensible to stay reasonably "with it" in case the kids have problems in the night - and as a pp said, you don't really want to be looking after young kids with a hangover. And as parents get older, the hangovers are more likely, you can't take alcohol like you could in your 20s!)

As kids get older it might be more of an issue - for example my son used to finish lifeguard shifts at 10pm (he was 16 so hadn't started driving yet) which meant no drinking for us that night - if one of us can't or doesn't want to drink on a particular evening the other usually doesn't bother either.

Soubriquet · 08/02/2022 08:42

No it’s not ok

I remember coming home one year when I was child, to find my dad passed out in the bathroom. My mum was at work, and me and my sister had been taken to a Christmas party with my nan. He knew we would be home soon and still got absolutely bladdered to the point where he was unconscious.

I was in bits because I didn’t know why. All I knew, was my dad, who was supposed to be looking after me, was in the bathroom and I couldn’t wake him up. I had to ring my Nan to come back.

That wasn’t the first or the last time I had seen something like that. Whilst drunk, my dad had stripped naked at a party, tried to get into bed with me thinking it was his own, pissed on my mums hairdryer, pissed in her wardrobe, nearly pissed in her mouth and lots of other stuff.

He’s a full fledged alcoholic and though I haven’t seen him for years now, I’ve heard how sick he looks. Stick thin. Alcohol will kill him I would imagine.

My mums not much better tbh

It’s ok for parents to have a couple of drinks each. Tipsy, merry, a little drunk. But full out bladdered where they are pissed up and passed out is not ok.

Mo1911 · 08/02/2022 08:44

Without question. One parent should always be able to drive.

RedCandyApple · 08/02/2022 08:47

And parents that don’t drive? 🙄

FavouriteFortnight · 08/02/2022 08:47

Only to the extent that one of you is able to be roused from sleep and make sensible decisions if needed.

Really no need for someone to remain stone cold sober - in the unlikely event of having to take a child to hospital we’d use a taxi.

riotlady · 08/02/2022 08:48

Wouldn’t want both parents to be smashed but a couple glasses of wine is fine.

GTAlogic · 08/02/2022 08:52

No. Obvs don't get so drunk you're a babbling, incoherent wreck who can't stand or walk but tipsy is fine. If a&e is needed and you're unable to drive (or, indeed, if neither parent can drive anyway) then there's always a taxi or even the ambulance on its own special, easy to remember phone number.

FavouriteFortnight · 08/02/2022 08:52

And we’ve been to plenty of parties etc with parents of young children and I have never known one parent to be abstaining on the grounds of needing to care for their children. The idea that one person always needs to be sober is something I have only ever heard on mumsnet.

We’re talking getting a little tipsy here rather than stupidly drunk.

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