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Original poster

Parents- do you think one parent should always be sober if you have young children?

67 replies

Tattted123 · 08/02/2022 08:05

I have a general view that one parent should be sober when there is young children at home, preferably no drink on board in case of an emergency. My brother think that’s ridiculous and thinks nothing of getting drunk with his wife while the kids are in bed.

What’s your views on this?

OP posts:
Fairylightsongs · 08/02/2022 08:56

I also think a few drinks is fine, soneone needs to be capable of dealing with the kids and also much depends on age of rhe kids. But no in general I don’t think one person always needs to be teetotal. Obviously no one should be falling down drunk, but neither the other extreme.

SickAndTiredAgain · 08/02/2022 09:00

Stone cold sober? No, I think it’s fine for both parents to have a drink or two with dinner for example.
But DH and I wouldn’t get drunk.
The driving issue isn’t something I’d factor in - DH can’t drive due to a medical issue so DD is often being cared for by a parent who is unable to drive if necessary.

Exhausteddog · 08/02/2022 09:03

And we’ve been to plenty of parties etc with parents of young children and I haveneverknown one parent to be abstaining on the grounds of needing to care for their children. The idea that one person always needs to be sober is something I have only ever heard on mumsnet.

I heard the idea first on the alternative to MN (NM)!!
I've never heard anyone in RL mention it.
But having said this, there are a lot of extreme opinions around alcohol. A lot of MN think having more than an annual thimbleful glass of sherry at Christmas means you're an alcoholic, but others seem to drink a bottle of wine a day and allegedly function normally. In RL most people are somewhere between the 2!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
sqirrelfriends · 08/02/2022 09:07

I would never drink enough that we couldn't take care of DS. I don't like getting drunk anyway, even on a night out I would rather be in control.

The only times I've made sure I stayed sober is when Ds was Ill and it seemed likely he would need to be taken to the doctors in the night. You dont want to faff around with taxis with potential meningitis etc.

godmum56 · 08/02/2022 09:11

I think the being able to drive thing depends on circumstances. Where I live, I can't rely on taxis and so I would say yes, if you live somewhere where you really really need a car then one person should always be able to drive. If there are other methods of transport that you can rely on, then that's different. But surely it makes sense that if you are an adult with a care responsibility of any kind, then unless you can hand off that responsibility to someone else, you MUST stay capable of being responsible. That may not mean no alcohol at all but it does mean a hard limit.

loveinthe90s · 08/02/2022 09:16

No

Original poster
Tattted123 · 08/02/2022 09:27

I didn’t actually mention driving in my OP but I do think someone should be able to drive if necessary (if they have a car that is). Interesting viewpoints. My brother does get drunk with his wife diary regularly and even this weekend we were all together and I would be pretty sure if their children tried to wake them they would be pretty hard to wake after how they were.
Each to their own I guess!

OP posts:
SazCat · 08/02/2022 09:40

I don't think it's right to drink so much that you're hard to wake!
But we certainly drink too much to drive. Not too drunk to care for the children (5 and 1) if they need us.

We do live v near a town centre tho, whether that makes a difference?

I don't really get the needing to stay sober enough to drive. Plenty of people can't drive, don't have a car etc! They can still look after their kids effectively surely?

Clymene · 08/02/2022 09:43

I think there's a big difference between being sober enough to drive and so drunk you're passed out in the bathroom. I've never been that drunk in my life!

WhatNoRaisins · 08/02/2022 09:44

Obviously there is no requirement for parents to be able to drive in any case. It's more you need to be able to respond to your kids and make appropriate decisions.

SickAndTiredAgain · 08/02/2022 09:50

I would be pretty sure if their children tried to wake them they would be pretty hard to wake after how they were.

How old are their children? If young then that would be so scary for them to not be able to wake either parent if they need to.
I don’t think that’s acceptable. You need to be able to wake up and respond if a child comes through in the night needing you.

CocoPancakes · 08/02/2022 09:51

I don't have kids but I have been to so many get togethers (wouldn't really call them parties as such) at peoples houses where everyone has got absolutely plastered. I've never heard any of them mentioning how one parent would stay relatively sober to allow for childcare.

GeneLovesJezebel · 08/02/2022 09:53

A couple of glasses is fine, and have enough money spare to get you to hospital and back in case.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 08/02/2022 09:54

We never gave it a thought when our kids were small but I never drink more than three G&Ts or half a bottle of wine in one evening as I don't have the capacity for more without feeling sick or getting a horrible hangover.

I would have been over the limit to drive but still capable of parenting or dealing with an emergency.

Kbyodjs · 08/02/2022 09:54

I’ll have a couple of glasses of wine; I definitely wouldn’t get drunk but I see no reason to be sober. People always use the driving argument but lots of parents don’t drive so if I’d had a glass of wine I’d just get a taxi if needed in the same way I would if I didn’t drive or didn’t have my car.

Classicblunder · 08/02/2022 09:56

We are so irresponsible that we don't even own a car.

We don't have loads of people offering to have our kids overnight so we would never share a bottle of wine if one of us was always sober.

We will have a couple of drinks in the evening if we want to, neither of us would get falling down drunk these days.

FourTeaFallOut · 08/02/2022 10:00

No. Of course not. Children need to be looked after by capable adults. If you cannot tolerate a drink and be a reasonable parent then you should remain sober. Meanwhile, DH and I will continue to enjoy a drink together.

Sally872 · 08/02/2022 10:00

Neither of us get drunk while responsible for the children. But nor do we stay sober. 1-2 wine for me 2 -3 beers for him absolutely fine. Possibly tipsy but would definitely be more than capable of any sickness, fire etc.

I think that's normal for most people. Drunk or sober seems to be the common question on here though.

godmum56 · 08/02/2022 10:07

@WhatNoRaisins

Obviously there is no requirement for parents to be able to drive in any case. It's more you need to be able to respond to your kids and make appropriate decisions.
well there might be if alternative transport is difficult/impossible at night where you live.
saraclara · 08/02/2022 10:12

@Sally872

Neither of us get drunk while responsible for the children. But nor do we stay sober. 1-2 wine for me 2 -3 beers for him absolutely fine. Possibly tipsy but would definitely be more than capable of any sickness, fire etc.

I think that's normal for most people. Drunk or sober seems to be the common question on here though.

Yep, two or three glasses of wine or beers might take you over the limit, but doesn't compromised care or decision making.

Not being able to drive after half a bottle of wine is no more feckless than not owning a car so not being able to drive to A&E. Assuming the reasonable availability of taxis where they live, as long as the drinking is within reasonable limits, I don't see a problem.

And as others have said, it's harder when they're teens, when they're far more likely to need picking up from somewhere!

thevassal · 08/02/2022 10:13

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

One parent should be able to look after the children effectively, (so wake up at night if they are distressed, deal with sickness, be able to call an ambulance or taxi)

That doesn't mean total abstinence though... a couple of glasses of wine is different to a couple of bottles. They obviously shouldn't drive though.

Many families have no car and manage fine so having a parent able to drive is unnecessary.

Love it when someone says exactly what you would say to save you the bother, yes. Although I can't imagine drinking enough while chilling in the house to not be able to do the above anyway.
Littlehouseonthefairy · 08/02/2022 10:27

A drink or two is fine, both parents really drunk is not. Imo this applies until they are adults.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 08/02/2022 10:31

I wouldn’t drive after a single small glass of wine. Not worth the risk. I would definitely have 2-3 and be ok with DS at home with me.

RedCandyApple · 08/02/2022 10:33

I wouldn’t drink enough to pass out on the floor but I was definitely a bit tipsy at Xmas and New Years, I’m a single parent and I’ve sacrificed enough, not going to never drink either. I live in London don’t drive and my local hospital is 1.5 miles away and an emergency is very unlikely.

Ozanj · 08/02/2022 10:35

Depends what you mean by drunk. If you don’t have babies then it’s fine for both parents to get a bit merry. But if you’re getting pass out drunk there’s clearly a problem.