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Original poster

Relocating from rural Wales to South England?

43 replies

maminthesticks · 06/02/2022 22:29

As the title says I live in a fairly rural area of Wales, it is a beautiful area but pretty far away from everything. 3+ hours to get to Cardiff, Manchester, Liverpool etc. House prices are obviously great and we own and live in a large detached house with a big garden, lots of parking etc. 2 very young kids to factor in toddler very happy and settled in his nursery but not started at school yet.

My partner has been offered a promotion but it would mean relocating to South England. Surrey, Hampshire were the main areas we were looking maybe stretching to out skirts of Berkshire or Dorset. I've been trawling right move and it's pretty depressing viewing! There are some great perks to my partner taking the job, work/life balance wise, but worried it'll be a massive downgrade in home life with what houses may be in our affordability. We couldn't really afford anything decent in the entire county of Surrey!
Obviously though there isn't much to do where we are. Partner has a pretty senior job for where we are but not really many opportunities for me, or for our kids growing up. I imagine South England would be a very different story. Both lived here forever too and do have that sort of is there more to life feeling.

I'm looking for anything really - people who have done the same and whether they regretted it or loved it, whether the pace of life up there would be worth a worse house, areas that I can look in where we might get more bang for buck.

We're really in two minds about whether he should accept the offer or not. Part of me thinks it's a great opportunity but part of me thinks we're settled and although a quieter life we live pretty comfortably where we are and kids are happy and can have a good life here

OP posts:

DerAlteMann · 06/02/2022 23:47

I wouldn't do it. I live on the Hants/Surrey borders and it would have to be a fantastic job offer to get me to move from where you are to what is little more than a glorified suburb.

Whatinthelord · 06/02/2022 23:53

I wouldn’t do it either, , unless you were going to be much much better of financially. The housing cost will be hugely different. I’d much rather have a nice home than live somewhere busier. Also, with 2 small children, are you really going to be off out and about a lot anyway. It’s not like you can’t visit places from where you live now.

That’s just my opinion though.

How would it affect you socially? Eg do you currently have famil near by who help with childcare, do you have a local friendship group etc, those things make a big difference in life.

MinnieMountain · 07/02/2022 06:53

I’ve always regretted leaving Pembrokeshire after university. Seeing the life my nephews have there, I wish I could give it to DS (too late for us now).

110APiccadilly · 07/02/2022 06:59

I wouldn't, unless there's other factors you haven't mentioned like family close by, or the potential schools are a lot better where you'd be moving to - and I wouldn't do it even if the schools are a bit better, they'd have to be lots better. The increase in salary will be wiped out by increase in hosting cost, I think. I've lived what must be pretty close to where you live, and I've lived in Hampshire. I've come back to rural Wales (dragging a not at all reluctant DH with me) to have and raise children. Given the option, I would not be going back to Hampshire!

110APiccadilly · 07/02/2022 07:03

If you want your kids to experience city life, you can always do lots of city breaks when they're a bit older. Once ours are junior school age, I'm hoping we can do some holidays where we take them to cities and go to museums and shows and so on.

Original poster

maminthesticks · 07/02/2022 08:01

Thanks for honest opinions! I do have siblings that live in Surrey, but we wouldn't be able to afford Surrey so there would still be some distance between us. My parents are in Wales, as are all my friends and mum friends so wouldn't have anything in that regard up there. My toddler would probably struggle a little as he is very settled at nursery but he is young enough to adjust and the second isn't born yet so could be an opportunity to meet people.

My partner works weekends, that's the big thing really and his line of work there aren't that many opportunities to move away from that. This new role his company have offered means he would get every weekend off so that's the appeal really. Although the trade off for that is being away 2/3 nights midweek so I would be in a new place with a toddler and a newborn having to hold the fort a lot. We had always hoped he'd get offered this sort of role for the weekends off but had hoped it would be a different region so that we could live outskirts of Cardiff rather than somewhere as expensive as the South. Feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place!

OP posts:

ItsCanardBruv · 07/02/2022 08:06

Absolutely not. Swapping weekends for an absent-during-the-week partner is a shitty compromise. I’ve a rough idea of where you live (have lived there) - and there’s no way in God’s green earth is turn my back on that for an overcrowded shoebox in the SE.

Obviously I’ve no idea what your partner does, but the rise in remote working is an absolute game changer for those of us who live in the back of beyond.

Fwiw, my dad used to work in Croydon and commute weekly from Llandod. He had a small pied a terre and would leave at the crack of dawn Monday and come home Friday. In later years he works in Bristol hybrid and stayed in a travel lodge a couple of nights a week.

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 07/02/2022 08:08

I wouldn’t to be honest. There is a lot to be said for having an established support network around you. At least now if he is working weekends, you can see family or friends.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 07/02/2022 08:14

I wouldn't do it either.

I'd much rather have a partner home every night (even if they worked weekends) than have them living away for half the week.

tropicalsound · 07/02/2022 08:28

I was in a similar situation, living in the north and partner was offered a job in the south east. He ended up turning it down because of the crazy house prices.

Your life sounds idyllic apart from the weekend work, is there any chance he could find another job where that won't be required? If the isolation is a problem you could also look at moving somewhere within wales where it would be easier to get to other places?

twosticksandanapple · 07/02/2022 08:45

If your partner will be working away 2-3 nights anyway could you just stay where you are without relocating? Would the new company be open to him working at home from Wales on a Monday or Friday?

MinnieMountain · 07/02/2022 08:50

No way would I do the mid-week thing if avoidable. DH had to for 4 months when DS was 2. Even with just the one and a support network it was lonely.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 07/02/2022 08:57

Could you move a bit further south than Surrey/Hampshire. Parts of Sussex are less expensive than those two and travel links are reasonable. If he doesn’t take the job, will your DH be happy with it.

I can see how hard a decision this must be, but widening the area might throw up something affordable and reasonable.

HotPenguin · 07/02/2022 09:03

I agree with the idea of your DH commuting. At least then you keep your friends and family support and nice home. I think you will find the people and way of life in Surrey very different to what you are used to, if you are going to give it a try I would rent first so you have the option of moving back.

Bramshott · 07/02/2022 09:06

Once you get out of Surrey, things are cheaper. We live in NE Hampshire and it's a great area with beautiful countryside, good schools and pretty well connected to London and other places. There are definitely upsides to living here, particularly with teens.

hollygoflightly · 07/02/2022 09:10

I'm a South walian living in London and I say go for it! I love where we live and I love having Wales to visit whenever we want to. Yes it's hard not having that local support network but you build your own through nursery and school. If you're unsure, is there any chance you can rent for a year?

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 07/02/2022 09:20

Surrey and Hampshire are very busy areas. I'm South East (not a million miles away) but I find them busier than where we are. Traffic is pretty awful and not only are house prices high but it will also be more expensive to eat out, go to the cinema, theatre, etc. than it is in rural Wales.

I'm not sure what job your husband does but I'd also consider work/life balance. You say he will get the weekends off but what sort of hours will he be working in the week? There are lots of big corporate companies in the South East and there is very much a work hard play hard approach to life which might come as a shock if you're not used to it. I've grown up with it but even I don't like it!

If there is an option to rent out your house and rent somewhere that might be a good option. I'm not sure I would sell up and move permanently if I were you.

What sort of salary has your DH been offered? We could give you some sort of idea how far that would stretch. Trouble is, salaries in Wales are generally lower so it might sound like a huge jump but what you can afford might be a lot less.

1dayatatime · 07/02/2022 09:24

There is absolutely no way I would make the move:

Your parents are in Wales
your toddler would have to adjust
massive drop in what you get for your money in housing
your DH would be away 2 or 3 nights a week anyway.
I'm pretty sure your DH new employer would happily consider him working from home for the other 2 days a week. You would be surprised at how flexible many employers are on this post Covid. A good friend got a new job recently - she lives in Leeds and the job is in London. She pushed back on relocation and she now works 3 a week from home, 2 days a week in a local branch office and goes to London for 3 days consecutive once a month.
you live in Wales (and a nice part) - why would you ever want to move to England unless you absolutely had to 😀
I think if you made the move you would forever regret it

wonderstuff · 07/02/2022 09:33

Could you rent for a while - if he took the job would moving back be an option.

As your kids grow being in a really rural area will have drawbacks - my parents moved to a really rural location when I was a pre- teen and it was miserable for me, miles away from friends, nowhere to go, entirely dependent on them for transport. They moved again to Hampshire when I was in my late teens and stayed, now I live locally to my family as I was able to get a job and settle here, would have been impossible when I was in the sticks.

I really love Hampshire, I'm not far from the Wiltshire border and it is much cheaper than Surrey, I'm an hour by train from London, and close to Basingstoke, Winchester, Andover, Reading, Newbury - lots of options for work/shopping/entertainment. Kids schools are okay, huge choice for them post-16 here. It isn't as pretty as Wales, we have quite a modest home, we are a long way from the sea, which for me is something I miss, but on balance I am really happy. If my kids want to stay local there are lots of employment options for them and being near London I really like, although the train is expensive and we probably only go about 4 times a year.

Original poster

maminthesticks · 07/02/2022 10:01

The pay rise isn't significant, it's minimal and wouldn't even begin to cover the difference in costs of housing and living in general. They are selling it to him more on the "family life" benefits that he can be home on weekends. His salary gets us a long way here but is a low salary for the South. To be honest financially it's a huge risk as they would be looking to move him in around the time I'm 8 months pregnant so I'd have to leave my work here and miss out on my contractual maternity pay, and obviously cope with a huge move a toddler and a newborn - it's terrible timing.

Think we're both just worried if we turn it down this time because of the timing and it not being the region we'd of chosen ourselves that another opportunity won't end up arising and when kids are in school he will regret it as he won't see them much. He has been told when they are school age he can probably negotiate Sundays off in his current role so there is a chance he won't work the entire weekend if he refuses but means split days off for him and less time with kids outside of school hours.

OP posts:

Greenhippoblue · 07/02/2022 11:04

I wouldn't do it, especially if the salary implications aren't the big. With a smaller house, no support network, husband away in the week think about what your life will look like realistically.

There will be other job offers in the future, closer to home. You'd be giving up an awful lot for a small potential gain.

NorthSouthcatlady · 07/02/2022 11:13

I wouldn’t do it either. You are sacrificing a lot and not getting much back.

1dayatatime · 07/02/2022 11:22

I think your DH should propose to the new employer that yes he will do the 2 or 3 days away from home but that he will work the other days WFH and not relocate.

I am pretty sure they will agree to this but if not then walk away and no worries as another opportunity will come up that does work.

If they say yes then he has the choice of either taking it or what is quite possible, his current employer will offer to match the salary increase.

user1493494961 · 07/02/2022 11:38

I would stay put as the timing doesn't work and you wouldn't be any better off.

itwasntaparty · 07/02/2022 11:49

I wouldn't do it either, you've got the idyll that everyone is mocking out of the SE for.

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