How many of you found your partners online?

[LadyGagagagaga123]

I'm throwing myself into it one final time before I give up, join a knitting course and accept I'm never going to find him. There seem to be a lot more men with non sleazy profiles claiming to be looking for long term relationships than when I was previously on there (although I know they aren't all necessarily genuine). I can only assume this is because I'm looking at an age bracket where many of them have had their first marriages end. I've been completely honest this time and direct about what I do and don't want. I'm no longer beating about the bush or worrying how will this sound how will that sound, I can't be bothered with bullshit. There's only one person I want to attract anyway, wherever the fuck he is. It just seems so easy and yet so hard. If "my one" is sat on a sofa somewhere wondering where I am all he has to do is set up a profile... one click and boom you've found him! I really want to find him, he's the only thing missing from my life. When and if he eventually thunderbolts into my life the fucker had better be wearing a cape! Never mind kissing frogs and princes I've had some right toads. So I'd love to hear some positivity... did anyone meet their best friend online??

Yep. After years of online dating I gave up with the 'serious' dating sites, downloaded tinder (deciding that if I couldn't find a partner I should at least try to find a shag ). 7 years and two kids later here we are.

I wonder to what degree the success of a relationship was based around the fact most of the posters on here ended up married and with children. If these milestones aren't important, or what both partners are looking for, is finding a relationship more difficult ('escalating' it to something else which is less defined?)

I did meet and marry someone I met online. However, I already knew of them so that took some guesswork out of it. I met some frogs too though.

Met mine on tinder 2.5 years ago. Now own a house, a dog and there has been talk of rings

@Musttryharder2021

I wonder to what degree the success of a relationship was based around the fact most of the posters on here ended up married and with children. If these milestones aren't important, or what both partners are looking for, is finding a relationship more difficult ('escalating' it to something else which is less defined?)

That’s interesting. I think it is harder in some ways and easier in others.

I’m much older than the OP and when I started OLD I was just looking for a boyfriend. No more kids, not fussed about marriage. Just someone I could date with no pressure for cohabiting - but something meaningful and committed.

I had a blast dating, had lots of dates - some hilariously awful, some hideous (with hindsight I shouldn’t have gone on) and some lovely ones. I met some nice men but not really what I was looking for. I had a couple of FWB scenarios for a while which were fun.

Now I’m madly in love with a wonderful guy who I’ve been seeing for over a year. Met him on Bumble.

My top tips would be

Be ruthless. Don’t be afraid to switch people off if they cross your boundaries.

Enforce strong boundaries. Be clear about what is non negotiable and what can be compromised on.

Don’t tolerate time wasters. I didn’t want a pen pal or a fuck buddy.

Don’t send intimate pics to someone you’ve never met.

Don’t put up with someone treating you like an option. If someone wants to see you they’ll make an effort to see you.

Not me - I predate the internet age and met mine at the local tennis club, as you did in those days but my daughter met her now-husband on Match nearly four years ago. They married in May and are so happy together.

She knows she was very lucky. Just depends if a suitable match happens to be right there looking at the same time!

I do see a lot of mentions on here of 'spark' - ie 'I met him for a coffee/walk/drink and there was no spark, so I said No Thanks' and i do wonder if people write someone off too quickly if this magical WOW moment is missing at first - DD felt no 'spark' but realised this was a nice chap, kind and suitable in lots of ways (they had lots of similar interests and well-matched in intellect/humour etc). So she kept on seeing him, gradually getting to know him, and liking him more and more. Suddenly she realised there WAS attraction there as well as liking - it had just taken time and familiarity to 'spark' (haha) it off, and you couldn't imagine a more loving couple now.

So he might not thunderbolt into your life in his cape but if he's kind and decent and you get on, give it a chance to see if more develops. I do wish you the very best of luck. We have to save you from that knitting group! (I love knitting but still...)

@Musttryharder2021

I wonder to what degree the success of a relationship was based around the fact most of the posters on here ended up married and with children. If these milestones aren't important, or what both partners are looking for, is finding a relationship more difficult ('escalating' it to something else which is less defined?)

That's an interesting question.

When I was OLD I wasn't laser-focused on marriage and children. I was quite young.

To be honest, for me, it was novelty and the opportunity to meet lots of new people, do new things and go to new places.

I was quite happy to go on dates just for the fun of it, the chance to get out of the house and see the lights and the greasepaint, a few drinks, a nice chat, and sometimes, yes, the chance of a roll in the hay with a strapping man. It was a kind of entertainment, I suppose. No different to going to the cinema or out for drinks. I saw it as just part of nightlife.

I had a fair few awful meet-ups/dates but they just went into the anecdote pile.

Might not be everyone's aim but it was mine and at that stage in life there was nothing wrong with that, for me, for then.

Sidge's top tips are great, pretty much how I navigated it too.

Yes - didn't go on lots of dates, only saw someone again if liked them and only past third date if was serious. Only one went past 3rd and we are still together. I fancied him on sight and knew something would happen with him while the others were mainly pleasant enough but nothing more.

I'm not sure about needing to see lots of people but strong boundaries on not wasting your time are good. Be clear you want a relationship. Do not say you are open minded, you'll get sex pests

Yes, met on lovestruck.com 12 years ago. Make contact with lots of men who meet your initial criteria. Don’t waste time exchanging loads of emails. Meet in person ASAP - either coffee dates or early evening for a drink. It makes it easier to bring things to an end if things aren’t going well. Be ruthless and use your previous relationships to enable you to identify what you definitely don’t want - and apply that to anyone you meet, only seeing people again if they ‘pass’. Meeting lots of people makes it easier to do it light heartedly and to enjoy even the bad dates, especially if you’ve only spent very limited time with them. My record was 45m and he was lucky to get that (he smelt and wore dirty clothes) - we had one drink and I then just said that it was nice to meet him but I needed to go home and eat something. He’s now an anecdote.

Well today I've deleted someone who just wasn't holding enough of a conversation. Felt ruthless just deleting someone like they're a discarded piece of meat but I guess online dating can be brutal and you have to put yourself first, we're all just photos to someone until you meet. I have been through so much already and I know exactly what I need in a partner now. I cannot just settle for the sake of it. I also agree on the "initial spark" thing, it's a slow burn for me and would be very unlikely to ignite on date one. It takes me a while to lose that "you're a stranger!" feeling. I'd love someone to turn into my comfort blanket eventually though! 💕

Today 08:21 Musttryharder2021

I wonder to what degree the success of a relationship was based around the fact most of the posters on here ended up married and with children. If these milestones aren't important, or what both partners are looking for, is finding a relationship more difficult ('escalating' it to something else which is less defined?)

I think finding a good relationship is perhaps easier because, as a PP said, not having the pressure of wanting kids allows you to see more clearly and make better choices. I met DP on Bumble, we’re both in our forties with young-ish kids and don’t want a blended family. As the relationship has progressed we’ve had to make it up as we’ve gone along more in terms of ‘is the relationship successful’ because the usual milestones (moving in, marriage, kids) don’t apply to us. So it’s more about are we happy, having fun, and do we live each other.

*love

Well hopefully I'm not being "too fussy" so far. I am trying to look past looks and concentrate on whether or not their narrative makes me laugh or sounds kind but at the same time there's nothing shallow about knowing sometimes that you will never find certain people sexually attractive. I also refuse to even acknowledge anyone who either doesn't write a narrative at all (they're obviously not bothered about making a good impression), topless selfies (fucking rancid) or any mention whatsoever - however "bants" - about good sex, cuddles or having a nice ass. Even in jest if there is any suitable partner out there for me he will have the emotional intelligence to know you only talk about such things once you're together etc.

I met DH on a site called Muddy Matches - it’s a country dating site. After our first date, he nearly crashed his car on the way home and I had to pull over and call my mum because we were both so excited about having met each other

Together 11 years this year and married for 8. He’s a grumpy old bugger sometimes, but so am I… he’s a keeper though 😊

@LadyGagagagaga123

Well today I've deleted someone who just wasn't holding enough of a conversation. Felt ruthless just deleting someone like they're a discarded piece of meat but I guess online dating can be brutal and you have to put yourself first, we're all just photos to someone until you meet. I have been through so much already and I know exactly what I need in a partner now. I cannot just settle for the sake of it. I also agree on the "initial spark" thing, it's a slow burn for me and would be very unlikely to ignite on date one. It takes me a while to lose that "you're a stranger!" feeling. I'd love someone to turn into my comfort blanket eventually though! 💕

Well done for putting yourself first. You don't need to settle for someone dull. The important bit isn't the initial exchange, but no effort, one word replies isn't a good sign. A little bit of friendly back and forth followed by a commitment to a simple date is what you're looking for. Don't be shy about being the one to ask him out.

If you invest too much time and effort in messaging beforehand, and then they either won't commit to a date or you meet and find them awful, you'll become more easily demoralised. Keeping it light and pacey protects your emotional investment.

Yes agreed. I actually deleted someone yesterday because although he was making the effort to message me and arranging a date I felt he said something inappropriate so whilst for a minute I gave him the benefit of the doubt I then actually thought "no I'm not okay with this, I don't owe you a conversation and I want someone who has the intelligence to not give off a sleazy impression of himself" so I deleted him as well!! It should be a day or two of light, friendly and consistent messages including a bit of respectful banter, a few questions and both revealing what kind of thing you are looking for then close the deal and set up a date. If someone is still piss arsing about after that long off they go. Shit or get off the pot!

🙋🏻‍♀️
Met 19 years ago.. married for 15 yrs.

Met online during the first lockdown. Been together nearly 2 years now and about to have a baby together!

Me. I use online sites for my own purposes, so was on adultfriendfinder and fabswingers for casual sex for a year or two, then when I wanted a relationship I went on Ourtime and found dp. He was about the only person I ever made the first move towards. I had two other dates around the time I met him, nothing wrong with either of those but dp was just perfect for me at this time of my life. He's absolutely lovely.

This is fun to read. I'm very very single and really laughed at OP's 'better be wearing a cape'