DD15 wants to meet new people - any ideas?

[LeakyKettle]

Her school friends don’t meet up very much outside school or at the weekend and she’s a bit bored. She’s in a sports club separate from school and had tried to meet up with some of the girls out of school but it doesn’t happen much and plans are often cancelled. She’s also started another sport but it’s a individual activity so less casually social. She’s a bit shy but is trying hard to put herself out there a bit more and I was just wondering if others had good experiences with anything. She’s been in drama groups in the past but doesn’t want to do that now.

Follwing with interest, as this seems so difficult I'd love to know how others have cracked this. Dc has anxiety and cone acrodss as really standoffish so that doesnr help us either!

guides?
st John's ambulance?
get a pet and join an associated club?

Duke of Edinburgh scheme?

Army, Air or Sea Cadets? Ot matbe Duke of Edinburgh Award

She used to be in guides and I don’t think would go back. Isn’t very interested in the dog! I’ll look at St John’s Ambulance, thank you.

Does DoE via school. She’s been volunteering somewhere for years which she uses for DoE so not meeting new people with it

Local amateur dramatics
netball team
tennis club
It really depends on her interests.

Join her local conservation group where other teens meet up to work on land and for animals. Lots of interaction ...

Explorers!

Rangers are the senior section of Guides, or she may like to consider Explorer scouts - the equivalent section in Scouts, and for girls and boys.

Thanks. I’ll suggest explorer scouts

Does she like drama? A youth theatre is always good

Mine volunteers at Beavers and does explorers herself.
She rides and helps out at a local stables and she does drama singing and piano

Martial arts and volunteering are good.

Buy I'd encourage her to try lots of different hobbies until she finds a group she clicks with.

Duke of Edinburgh awards
NCS - National Citizens Service

Have you a football stadium anywhere near you. They normally have a community trusts and have projects for all sorts of ages in the areas around it. They are fantastic and get a good mix of people, doing a wide array of things. Age related, so would meet people of her age.

NCS is aimed at 16-17 yrs
DOE- aimed at 14 to 24yrs

Both of the above are about getting the young person ready for life. So will push them out of comfort zone, but it's also about team work and supporting each other, so that you can all succeed and have fun while doing it.

Art classes? I'd say not music groups as you've very little scope for chatting, but art or pottery or something where you form a little group as you grow as a class?

Is there a local youth club?

Helping with school musicals as stage crew is a very social thing at DC school -- same school also has an anti-bullying programme staffed by yr10s & 11s; very social group.

Volunteering? Riding for disabled will teach you all the skills you need, don't have to be horsey. Can help in classes, on yard, fundraising etc. Young volunteers are very sociable usually. From age 14.

Problem is she has lots of hobbies. She does sports training 2 evenings a week and plays matches for one of those on another evening. She volunteers one evening and has a music lesson another evening and has just started weekend training for a third sport. She saw a friend yesterday but the friends she was due to see today have cancelled as they nearly always do. She’s really eager to put in the work herself to get to know more people, I’m just trying to help as subtly as I can in the background.

She’s done/does a lot of the things suggested (which I am very grateful for!). I have tried to get her interested in helping with school plays but that is one thing she doesn’t seem interested in - I think maybe as it’s a small school she goes to she already knows the people who tend to volunteer and knows they aren’t her people. Her friends do external drama classes and I think involvement in something like that would be great but I think she doesn’t want to be part of a production, she’d want to be backstage

Are you near a river? A rowing club. Really good to make and meet new people

meetup.com is not a dating site but a mutual interest.

A job? Just part time at weekends, in a cafe or local shop. My DD did this last year when she was 15, and it was lovely for her as the staff were all young students (university age) who just have a different way of looking at life than your fuddy-duddy old parents

There is an ice cream cafe locally I think would be good but she may need to be 16

My dd is 16. She has tons of friends and a busy social life, on top of everything else that she does. Tbh, as someone who was always quite shy and struggled with social anxiety, I am in awe of her networking skills!

Her friends come mainly from school, dance, drama, work and volunteering, and then she has met some others through her existing friends. Also, she says yes to opportunities through school and through her friends to do things that often bring her into contact with people who she hasn't met before...like next week she has signed up for a school project that involves none of her existing friends but will bring her into contact with kids of her age from a range of local schools.

One thing that I've noticed is that she is very good at making an effort to talk to different people when others might not bother. For example, she is the one who consistently makes an effort to go and talk to other kids in her classes, even when some of her closest friends are already there with her. She also makes a real effort to get to know the kids in the year above and year below her in school, through drama productions etc. She doesn't just stick to the comfort zone of people she already knows, and a few of her existing friends have commented on how her outgoing nature has helped them to expand their own social circles too, as she makes new friends who then get to know her old ones.

I think the other thing is that she makes a real effort to keep in touch with people she meets. Just loosely through social media etc, but she will make a conscious effort to check in with people and see how they're doing. I think it helps that she is really, genuinely interested in them and likes most people regardless of being able to see some of their flaws. A few of her friends can be a bit more judgemental and quick to find fault, and that perhaps limits their friendship options more. The way dd sees it, she isn't perfect herself and none of her friends are either, so if someone has a slightly annoying trait, she will try to look past it.

I hope that your dd can find some like minded friends soon!