DD15 wants to meet new people - any ideas?

[LeakyKettle]

Her school friends don’t meet up very much outside school or at the weekend and she’s a bit bored. She’s in a sports club separate from school and had tried to meet up with some of the girls out of school but it doesn’t happen much and plans are often cancelled. She’s also started another sport but it’s a individual activity so less casually social. She’s a bit shy but is trying hard to put herself out there a bit more and I was just wondering if others had good experiences with anything. She’s been in drama groups in the past but doesn’t want to do that now.

As your DD seems to be very busy with existing hobbies, is it possible that her friends are actually going out when she is participating in other things?

It doesn't sound like she has the capacity to take on much more in the way of activities, so she perhaps needs to change her approach with the people she is already in contact with.

Maybe she needs to make more of an effort to speak to a range of different people in the environments that she is already in? Or broaden her "criteria" for who might/might not be friend material? It doesn't sound like a lack of opportunities to meet people is the problem tbh.

You mentioned above that she knows that the people who volunteer for the school production "aren't her people", which makes me wonder whether she might have quite a narrow definition of who "her people" actually are? Some of my dd's friends include people who are very different from her, but they find that they do have certain unexpected stuff in common. Just a thought.

She’s just a lot more reserved and I think it would help her to take part in more activities where there is a lot of interaction built into those activities. Her little sister is very like your Dd Alexa and picks up friends where ever she goes (also feedback from teachers is she’s great to have in the class as she interacts positively with different groups of people). DD1 has been trying really hard lately to do more and is noticing more when she ends up with an empty weekend as her sister has a social whirlwind. Introvert vs extrovert.

Good for her for trying, OP. That will go a long way.

In terms of activities, I do think that drama seems to be particularly sociable. I get that it might not be her thing though.

Could she set herself a target of speaking to someone new each week in her existing activities? Whatever she ends up doing, I think the key will be for her to take the initiative to arrange meet ups outside of school etc. Not easy at all for us reserved types, but it does get easier with practice and it is a very useful skill to have.

Also, if she does arrange something and it gets cancelled, don't let her get discouraged by that. Try again!

Suggestions from around here:
Volunteer-charity shops/foodbank/younger children's activities/library
Groups: Until she's year 12 she's probably not going to be too helpful backstage for stage performances as she'll still need chaperoning. But an amateur group might be happy for her to help in rehearsals and front of house. Cadets is popular round here. Youth groups. Sports-perhaps look for lesser known ones.

I think doing something together is often the easiest way for shy people to make friends. She needs to be reliable, and not gossip/complain and just be there happy to help. The more she does that, then they come to see her as someone to come to which will boost her confidence.

I was going to suggest Explorers as well. Ours is a lovely group and about 50/50 male and female.