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Original poster

How would you feel if ...

41 replies

NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 01:47

your husband said in a large family gathering (all his siblings) 'I watched film xxxx and xxxx (female lead) looked fit!' He didn't say anything else. That's the only comment he made about the film.

This was followed by several of his family members smirking in my direction because they know how uncomfortable I am with these kinds of comments and me feeling extremely uncomfortable a) because of the comment and b) because of their reaction. They seem to get a lot of pleasure out of seeing me squirm but 'd'h doesn't seem to think he's saying anything wrong.

Am I being overly sensitive/immature as they seem to think I am and think it's harmless fun because it's 'not real life', or am I married to a massive nob who has no respect for my feelings?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/02/2022 01:52

Yeah You’re married to massive bellend I’m afraid. His family seem every bit as bad, but Who knows maybe this fit women from the TV will come and take him off your hands.

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 01:53

@Awwlookatmybabyspider they are.

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/02/2022 01:54

No women wants their husband to find another women more attractive than them. I’ll hold my hands up it’d piss me in a major way. That’s not me being a psycho bunny boiler. That’s just life

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 01:59

I totally feel like this too.

Don't get me wrong, I find lots of men on tv attractive too. But I wouldn't announce it in a family gathering in that manner. I think thats actually what is immature and downright disrespectful tbh.

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fallfallfall · 06/02/2022 01:59

most people in the world look better than you or me or my next door neighbors.

you need to work on your self esteem.
nothing wrong with your husband appreciating a fit (looking as photoshop and body doubles are to be expected) woman.
if you went to the national gallery and he said wow that woman in the portrait is really pretty would you be offended?

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:02

@fallfallfall honestly? I think I have pretty decent self esteem. About a woman in a portrait, probably not , it's appreciating art, and you're at an art gallery. But just randomly bringing up a film and the only thing you're going to mention is the 'fit' female lead, I think that's just taking the piss out of me.

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fallfallfall · 06/02/2022 02:05

i don't get it at all, it's a comment about a fit looking woman who probably has the job for that very reason.
why would you even care what he says to his family it's just talk.
is he a kind and caring man to you? even if his immature talk to his family is annoying?

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:09

Yes he is kind and caring towards me generally.

It's just this stupid macho kind of persona he gets when he's with his siblings, it really winds me up. He only does it when he's around them! He never ever otherwise comments on how good looking another woman is when we are watching something together or in real life. The weird thing is, I do! I'll point out 'oh wow she's beautiful' or 'oooh he's good looking', to which he'll say yeah he/she is.
I don't really see him 'checking out' other women either, not while I'm with him anyway 😏
So why make these kind of dumb insensitive comments especially if you know your family enjoy seeing how uncomfortable it makes me

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fallfallfall · 06/02/2022 02:13

for the very reason of family dynamics and the way they interact.
you may need to just leave them to it, and realize if they were at the pub together it would get supper silly and the lot would be annoying as all get out.

Josette77 · 06/02/2022 02:13

If you make these comments too why do they bother you so much?

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:17

I just feel like I'm saying something in context and it's a genuinely meant comment. When he says it I feel like he's saying it in spite of me , because he only ever makes these comments in front of his family, who he knows will smirk at me about it. Does that make sense ? It's the reaction it gets .

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RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 06/02/2022 02:17

This was followed by several of his family members smirking in my direction because they know how uncomfortable I am with these kinds of comments

How do they know this? How often does your DH make comments like this?

Why is he your DH if he does things that you hate?

So much of this is just odd.

Stop giving them the reaction they’re all clearly after, and I’m sure a). he’ll stop doing it, and b). they’ll stop smirking.

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:20

Not often really. It's very occasionally, but most often it will be his sister who will somehow work into the conversation how much it bothers me and how hilarious it was that one time I got upset when he said x actress was good looking. She usually does it every time we see each other.

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IcicleIcicle · 06/02/2022 02:22

If he knows it upsets you and it doesn't hurt him not to do it (which in this case it obviously doesn't) then he shouldn't do it. That's not an unreasonable expectation of someone who loves you.

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:24

@IcicleIcicle yes. This

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Chichimcgee · 06/02/2022 02:25

Play him at his own game

‘She is but unfortunately for you well out of your league’

Start commenting on male actors and see how it makes him feel. When watching a film - ooh look at that 6pack I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.

I’m quite petty though lol

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:35

I know this might sound very silly but it makes me question if he even loves me.

I am an educated, and intelligent woman in real life and without wanting to sound like a complete twat, I know Im very good looking.
that's probably why his family find it all the more amusing and entertaining? I don't know. It's just this stupid kind of dynamic I seem to have got into with them over this topic.

I think it's the fact he says it in front of his family which bothers me more than the comment itself. Maybe he does comment when his family are not there, and I don't notice as much?
Maybe I'm the nob, who knows!

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ImprobablePuffin · 06/02/2022 02:36

They smirk at you because they know you'll react. They're looking to get a rise out of you (which, yes, is a dick move)

So don't give them anything and they'll get bored and stop eventually.

I have experience here, not DH but my brother.

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:37

@Chichimcgee I've tried that and he just laughs it off!

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Chichimcgee · 06/02/2022 02:44

What has he said when you’ve asked him to stop?
If he doesn’t care enough to stop doing something that’s bothering you maybe you should find someone who treats you better

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:44

@ImprobablePuffin yes it's the smirking. Urgh I hate smirking arseholes, don't know why some people love making other people feel uncomfortable. I would genuinely feel like such a horrible person doing that to someone in a gathering, knowing how uncomfortable they are feeling.

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Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:46

@Chichimcgee I don't think I've ever asked him to stop as such but I'm pretty sure he can tell it made me uncomfortable.
On the way home he asked why I was so quiet and I said I was tired.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 06/02/2022 02:46

it's a family game.

Chichimcgee · 06/02/2022 02:48

Tell him to stop being a dickhead or you won’t be going with him to see his family anymore.
Honestly life is far too short to put up with feeling rubbish.

And smirking is the worst. My brother is a smirker and even thinking about it now is making me so irrationally angry!

Original poster
NotFarFromHere · 06/02/2022 02:50

@fallfallfall yes it is and I'm the butt of the joke.

I think it's the feeling of being mocked - however innocent they feel it is - is what is hurting me. Dh shouldn't have put me in this position.

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