How would you feel if ...

[NotFarFromHere]

your husband said in a large family gathering (all his siblings) 'I watched film xxxx and xxxx (female lead) looked fit!' He didn't say anything else. That's the only comment he made about the film.

This was followed by several of his family members smirking in my direction because they know how uncomfortable I am with these kinds of comments and me feeling extremely uncomfortable a) because of the comment and b) because of their reaction. They seem to get a lot of pleasure out of seeing me squirm but 'd'h doesn't seem to think he's saying anything wrong.

Am I being overly sensitive/immature as they seem to think I am and think it's harmless fun because it's 'not real life', or am I married to a massive nob who has no respect for my feelings?

On the way home he asked why I was so quiet and I said I was tired.

Why didn’t you say what was actually bothering you?

He asked you directly.

Because our dc were still awake in the back and I knew that he would say I was over exaggerating and defend himself/ his family. No point really. It would escalate into a row and dc would go to bed upset.

However I am telling him tomorrow, very clearly and directly, when the dc are not around.

And yes, all family visits are off the cards indefinitely.

Good for you!

Good for you. There is absolutely zero way I would be visiting his family as long as this is A Thing.

Yeah. He can visit alone, or maybe he can take xxx from that film he watched

Tbh in my family we would tease someone with your reaction.

Honestly if your dh says in front of his family xxx is fit you should answer with
You’re already punching above your weight with me dh and I haven’t spent £50k on surgery.
Sil, which part of your body would you alter first if you had the money? Do you need time to make a list?
Then smirk back.

@Pembertonrd I love those responses. 😂📝

@Pembertonrd I get that some families are just like this.
I just think if dh knows what I'm like, and he does, then he shouldn't behave in this manner.
To be honest, although I love your suggested responses in theory, I'd feel abit mean saying that to him in front of everyone listening because it would be so insulting to him and I know maybe he's a little insecure already. I also definitely wouldn't say the surgery thing to sil because I know there's lots of things she's insecure about her body and it's just not me to hurt someone in this way. I know. I'm a total wuss

You're not a wuss, you're a nice person in a room full of knobs.

Agree OP.
It’s easy to think of a good response in your head, hard to actually say it.
However your dh and sil are not considering your feelings so eventually you may have to play dirty.
You’d only have to say it once.

I think you are being overly sensitive. Surely most people, male and female, say things like this from time to time? Honestly, it's not worth worrying about - and as for his family smirking, they only do it because of your reaction, which no doubt they find odd.

I would refuse to go with him to his family meet-ups and tell him exactly why you aren't going. He will either change or not based on that.

@SquirrelG maybe I am. But even if it is odd and you know it's upsetting someone, why keep going there ?

@Pembertonrd you're right, besides stopping going, if I really have to go for some reason and it's said again, I will have to say something. I'm really fed up of it now.

I accept that people can find other people attractive and it's a completely natural feeling. What I don't find acceptable is it being made a 'thing' of, and used to mock me with, knowing it makes me uncomfortable.

The comment wouldn't bother me, the fact that he's doing it deliberately to wind you up isn't great.