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Rules you had in your childhood that now seem bizarre?

999 replies

Tattted · 05/02/2022 17:20

As a child/teen living with my parents we were actively discouraged from showering/bathing everyday. It was really frowned upon and seen as unnecessary and probably a bit extravagant. I know probably as a young child I didn’t need to but as I got older and even after I turned 18 and was still living at home they would have been a bit annoyed about it if I wanted to shower everyday . I should say where we live has no water charges so it wasn’t about that. Now as an adult and a mother myself it seems so strange. I realise it’s probably because my parents both came from large families that had very little money and, back then, no hot running water. Even know my parents bath weekly but sink wash every day.

OP posts:
billycat321 · 06/02/2022 12:57

no sex once you know you are pregnant as the baby might see 'IT' and grow up traumatised!

merryhouse · 06/02/2022 13:01

We didn't have a tv so didn't get the ITV rule. I'd always assumed it was for financial reasons but my dad later insisted it was a conscious decision taken "because it causes arguments". We watched stuff on holidays or at granny's. One thing I do remember thinking bonkers was when we went to my aunt's for either Christmas or Boxing Day tea and I was censured for watching what was playing on the television (Moonraker, iirc) instead of Being Sociable.

H (b67) says he didn't have a rule, as such, but they watched BBC by default and weren't really aware of what was on ITV.

We weren't allowed to go on the big wheel. I mean, we weren't allowed to go to the fair anyway - it was in the neighbouring village, which was kind of a pit village and a bit rougher than ours, and I think it was felt we'd be taking our lives in our hands - but even on the rare trips to amusement parks the ferris wheel - and only the ferris wheel - was Totally Out Of Bounds.

I think there must have been a publicised incident when my dad was of an impressionable age, because that is properly bonkers.

We didn't have roller skates, either.

My friend from almost next door wasn't allowed to spend her own money. Well, that's too bald a statement. Presumably the actual facts were that they were supposed to save a proportion of their pocket money rather than squandering it all in the newsagent's, and presumably it was supposed to teach them good habits. I didn't get pocket money at all till I was at secondary school so when I did have cash in my piggy bank it was a bit special and if I wanted a blow-out on sweets that was entirely up to me. Still think they'd have done better to have opened Post Office accounts for them and maybe taken some in every month.

Most of our rules were financial-based - if black clothes had ever appeared in the handed-on bag I'm sure we'd have worn them. We definitely had red ones - or the Hideous Warning type (I recognise curdling in your tummy, getting piles or chilblains off the radiator, apple trees growing inside you though none of us ever thought anyone actually believed that one).

We were aware that certain things were common, but unless they were rude or likely to be dangerous (eg the fair) that didn't necessarily put them out of bounds for us. In fact, one of the things I remember about my grandmother was a bit of a private joke where she would say of some act or other "common as muck!" and chortle.

Nearly all the arbitrary restrictions placed upon us were, ultimately, about sex (The Not Having Of). No pierced ears, make-up heeled shoes and short skirts hugely frowned upon - though if you did manage to get hold of them nobody would forbid it - no public discos or evenings out without a formal event. Every time the word "boyfriend" was mentioned my mother would say "before sixteen is far too young" in a tone that brooked no discussion. (I think she was probably right, but I also think she had no idea what Having A Boyfriend entailed among my thirteen-year-olds circle and wouldn't have minded what I actually wanted.)

When I was older I discovered that one of my mother's siblings and all of my father's four siblings got married because of a pregnancy - and every one of those marriages ended in divorce, at least one highly acrimoniously. I kind of understand my dad a bit better now Grin

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 06/02/2022 13:15

Lots of nostalgia here especially the stripey pillow case as a stocking at Christmas and the slices of Mars Bar.
Telephones were only to be used after 6pm. Calling a business could only be done after 1pm as that was cheaper. It had to be life and death to use a phone before 1pm.
No ITV (common). Grange Hill was acceptable as it was BBC.
BHS was also common and M&S was the only suitable clothing shop. As a teenager when I went shopping with my dm we used to take an M&S carrier bag with us and decant illicit purchases into it.
My dad obviously had ingrained ideas of what was common from his WC upbringing. His family were 'decent' chapel going types where his father handed over his wages and didn't blow it all on beer. This was then compounded by being upwardly mobile after university and moving to a middle class life.

Frozenlikeablockofmarble · 06/02/2022 13:23

@theDudesmummy at 12 your son is no longer a little boy and his mum shouldn’t be drying his hair for him. I’m genuinely shocked.

I was damaged by my mother infantilising me like this - to the age of 18 no less, brooking no argument - instead of encouraging my independence. To the end of her life she was convinced I was not looking after my hair properly, when I was, and it soured an otherwise good relationship as she anxiously and inappropriately fussed on.

I would encourage him to start drying his own hair and trying to wind down your anxiety about his hair and health - or you will end up passing on anxiety and an unhealthy expectation that women are there to fuss, primp and pander to male needs.

godmum56 · 06/02/2022 13:25

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

Lots of nostalgia here especially the stripey pillow case as a stocking at Christmas and the slices of Mars Bar. Telephones were only to be used after 6pm. Calling a business could only be done after 1pm as that was cheaper. It had to be life and death to use a phone before 1pm. No ITV (common). Grange Hill was acceptable as it was BBC. BHS was also common and M&S was the only suitable clothing shop. As a teenager when I went shopping with my dm we used to take an M&S carrier bag with us and decant illicit purchases into it. My dad obviously had ingrained ideas of what was common from his WC upbringing. His family were 'decent' chapel going types where his father handed over his wages and didn't blow it all on beer. This was then compounded by being upwardly mobile after university and moving to a middle class life.
yes...the only time the phone could be used in the morning was to phone the doctor for an appointment.
hiredandsqueak · 06/02/2022 13:35

Not allowed to move the cushions on the sofa which dm used to balance on the back. I remember eldest db coming in with a new gf and her deliberately knocking them off (tbf they looked ridiculous) and the room going silent as we all looked on horrified. She was never invited back again.
Must never take anything into the living room if you didn't actually keep it on your person at all times as dm couldn't stand mess. Many times I'd be reading a book, go to the loo (not allowed to take book in the bathroom) come back and the book would be put back on the shelf. If ever I questioned it I was told that I should have put the book back before going to the loo Confused even if I was going to continue reading afterwards.

justasking111 · 06/02/2022 13:47

@FangsForTheMemory

Not allowed to mention wee or poo or any bodily function. I had no word for my vagina because until I was ten I didn't even know I had one. One biscuit only at a time. Two baths only a week including when my periods started, which was gross. As soon as I moved out I started to bathe daily.
I learnt about periods, vagina etc in the school hall we had a film to watch I was 13
Juletide · 06/02/2022 13:49

No sitting in an unladylike fashion. Doing so resulted in slapped legs.

Set times for coming home when I was a teenager, it usually meant that my friends all travelled home together and I had to leave early and get the tube or bus on my own.

justasking111 · 06/02/2022 14:00

Reading through the bulk of stories seem to prevent us being attractive thus chance of pregnancy. Even post freely available contraception.

It was drummed into me to wait for an unpleasant wedding night. Meanwhile my mother was enjoying affairs through the 60s onwards

TheDuchessOfMN · 06/02/2022 14:02

Too many to mention.

Looking back on it now as an adult, I and my siblings think our father had undiagnosed ocd. It was an incredibly stressful childhood

jowly · 06/02/2022 14:06

This lovely thread should surely be in classics

JellyinaWelly · 06/02/2022 14:19

No beef in any form, mum was crazy scared of CJD/ mad cow disease even years after they declared it safe 😂 I think I had my first beef burger at 11!!!

ItsRainingTacos · 06/02/2022 14:20

When you went to someone's house and they offered you a biscuit you shouldn't take it. Politely decline at first and if they insist then you accept. Otherwise it would look grabby Confused.

And we never used the front room in the house other than for guests. It's was a 1930s semi and the back room was the 'sitting room'.

Justleaveitblankthen · 06/02/2022 14:23

Am loving this thread, but really struggling to think of any from my own childhood as I was left to own devices pretty much..😶
( Did have a lock on the phone that I could release with a pair of scissors) My DM would even turn the gas off at the mains so I couldn't use the fire or bedroom heater ( no central heating ) --I found out how to turn it back on.
As an adult, I only recently introduced the no drinks around mealtimes - and only for myself. It really benefits digestion and vitamin/mineral absorption if you leave an hour either side.
The old folks were right about that 🤓

ItsRainingTacos · 06/02/2022 14:24

The intro to the 6 O'clock news was our cue that TV time is over (just after Neighbours)

RosesAndHellebores · 06/02/2022 14:27

@ItsRainingTacos I wonder if that helps explain my mother's continuous insistence to offer food. "Do you want a biscuit" "no thank you" "go on have a biscuit" "no thanks, I'm alright mum" "do you want a piece of cake then". And it goes on and on ad nauseum to the point I want to say"I don't want a **ing biscuit". I have once or twice said "what did I say last time you asked mummy?".

Then again I was never told of this rule.

ItsRainingTacos · 06/02/2022 14:31

@RosesAndHellebores yes, I'm sure of it as despite their instruction, my parents were also utter feeders and would not take no for an answer when they offered people something to eat.

ItsRainingTacos · 06/02/2022 14:38

Once my sister and I and my cousins accompanied my mum to her friend's house and the lady brought out a plate of mint viscount biscuits and cups of juice for us and left them on the table. My mum and her friend went back to the kitchen to get the rest of the nibbles and when they came back the lady insisted we helped ourselves. But the plate of biscuits was empty by this time 😂. My mum was mortified. And we got a rollocking when we got home.

godmum56 · 06/02/2022 14:39

@Justleaveitblankthen

Am loving this thread, but really struggling to think of any from my own childhood as I was left to own devices pretty much..😶 ( Did have a lock on the phone that I could release with a pair of scissors) My DM would even turn the gas off at the mains so I couldn't use the fire or bedroom heater ( no central heating ) --I found out how to turn it back on. As an adult, I only recently introduced the no drinks around mealtimes - and only for myself. It really benefits digestion and vitamin/mineral absorption if you leave an hour either side. The old folks were right about that 🤓
have you got research for the no drinks thing?
FunnyGoingsOn · 06/02/2022 14:41

My siblings and I didn't seem to have any rules as kids which seems bizarre to me now.
I didn't have specific rules for my kids either but there was always a general assumption that everyone should behave decently. Didn't always work TBF but they were generally very well behaved)

FunnyGoingsOn · 06/02/2022 14:42

Actually I did have rules around internet and gaming use.

5128gap · 06/02/2022 14:51

@JellyinaWelly

No beef in any form, mum was crazy scared of CJD/ mad cow disease even years after they declared it safe 😂 I think I had my first beef burger at 11!!!
I'd forgotten about cjd! We could only get our beef from the local butcher because 'Len wouldn't sell mad cow beef' and we could only have burgers at home (from the supermarket as Len didn't stock them) never in a restaurant. Orange ice lollies were banned for a while too over some health risk that I don't recall, but other colours were OK.
Cuck00soup · 06/02/2022 15:03

Folks liquid helps with digestion...

There are good reasons not to have fizzy drinks but water is fine for 99.99999 % of the population.

FWIW drinks with vitamin C can aid the absorption of iron but tea makes it worse.

Juletide · 06/02/2022 15:05

No speaking during the football pools results on Saturday afternoons, then having to go and get the Evening Standard, pink classified version, to make doubly sure she hadn't won anything.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2022 15:05

@Frozenlikeablockofmarble I didn't mention that my son has special needs, which he does, so that may make a difference to your judgement. But actually, I dont have any special needs and my mum used to blow dry my hair for me until I was about 18, she just made a better job of it than I did, and it was a bit of a bonding time, like the (much shorter because of much shorter hair!) evening blow dries with my son. But my main reason for always doing it is, as I explained, not wanting him to get ear infections (he would never dry it himself, would quite happily go to bed with soaking wet hair every night!).

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