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Original poster

How to respond this message from rude neighbour?

99 replies

Sashimai · 02/02/2022 18:35

We have barely had any dealings with neighbour of a house we rent out. I would say we are good landlord and get things sorted quickly.

Today we received a two mine message from neighbour - not sure how they have my email.

“The fence between our properties has finally fallen down. It is time it is replaced. [name of neighbour]”

Who talks like that??

OP posts:

littlejalapeno · 03/02/2022 10:29

They sound fed up to me. Lots of landlords happy to take the money and not do essential upkeep. If the fence has got into a state where it’s fallen down it doesn’t reflect well on your claim that you sort issues like this promptly. I doubt they’re predisposed to making nice when they see you as getting a lot of financial benefit while they’re being inconvenienced by a dilapidated fence.

I say this as someone who replaced a fence last year and it’s already being destroyed by the ndn weeds/bamboo and rubbish piling against it. and the landlord doesn’t want to know. Politeness has got me nowhere.

PhoenixReincarnated · 03/02/2022 10:42

It is rude. As for pp's implying the op has neglected maintaining her rental property, I don't know where the op's property is but there have been strong winds where I live. Also I have friends in Scotland who have had damage to their property due to the recent weather.

Op first you need to establish (if you don't already know) that the fence is your responsibility. If it is then message back that you will fix it.

toomuchlaundry · 03/02/2022 10:46

Has the fence been in a state of disrepair, if they have said it has finally fallen down?

HPLikecraft · 03/02/2022 10:47

As for pp's implying the op has neglected maintaining her rental property, I don't know where the op's property is but there have been strong winds where I live.

But the message said that the fence had finally fallen down" suggesting that it had been not too solid for some time.

DropYourSword · 03/02/2022 10:47

Can I ask what might be a daft question here. Everyone asking "is it your fence" - how do you know if it is or not?! My back garden is fully fenced and I have a neighbour either side and 2 at the back that "share" the fence. If it fell down how would I know it it was "mine" or "theirs"??

TheChip · 03/02/2022 10:48

It doesn't sound that bad to me. A response of "thanks for letting me know" should be enough.
Some people just see text messages as a way to get a point across.
My dad would never dream of starting a text off with an hello or anything. It would be straight to the point.

Littlehouseonthefairy · 03/02/2022 10:56

You are under no obligation to fence your property. If it is your fence you should remove it particularly if it had fallen into their garden. You don't have to put another one up so I wouldn't unless I wanted one.

Change123today · 03/02/2022 11:03

I had to send a similar message this weekend as the fence has fallen over due to rotten posts. I faffed for ages trying to work out what to say! My husband took the phone of me and sent something similar to what has been sent to you. I felt so embarrassed but to my husband it got to the point - the fence needs fixing /replacing - just send the message.
I would try not to judge them on it - my husband face to face is a nice person! He just finds texts etc quite a difficult way of communicating he just doesn’t come across softly softly!

When the neighbours came over to sort it he was so lovely - I bet they where expecting us to be right old grumps from the message!

LindaEllen · 03/02/2022 11:19

The way they've written it makes it sound like it's been in a bad state of repair for some time. In which case, you're not really doing your job as a landlord.

Reply, and say you're sorry for the inconvenience, and get it sorted out ASAP.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/02/2022 11:52

TBH I’d just think, Oh, I’d better get it fixed PDQ, then.
I say this as a LL myself.

LetsGoParty · 03/02/2022 12:10

@HPLikecraft

Can we PLEASE stop suggesting that every rude or bluntly mannered person is "on the spectrum"?

It is, at best, ignorant; at worst disabilist.
My daughter is autistic and manages not to be a mannerless wankshaft.

Rude and autistic are not synonymous.

I know what you mean but I don't think anyone has suggested that EVERY rude or bluntly mannered person is "on the spectrum" however, sometimes, people can come across as rude due to them not being neurotypical. To ignore that as a possibility would be unkind.
It's the same as when you see a kid you don't know being badly behaved maybe it's just being a brat or maybe there is a deeper reason. It's always best to consider why someone is behaving the way they are.

HPLikecraft · 03/02/2022 12:30

but I don't think anyone has suggested that EVERY rude or bluntly mannered person is "on the spectrum"
No I didn't say they did. The "every" was mine, because whenever someone on here writes about someone they've encountered behaving rudely (and FWIW, I don't think the neighbour here was particularly rude) someone is likely to weigh in and suggest autism. It's even suggested when the poster is describing someone they already know well.
There seems to be a belief here that autism = rudeness, which is ignorant and inaccurate.

It's always best to consider why someone is behaving the way they are.
Of course, but why not consider that someone may be ill, recently bereaved, lost their job, have marriage falling apart, be in an abusive situation, have been the recent victim of a crime etc. before stampeding to the idea that a lack of please and thank you suggests autism?

SockFluffInTheBath · 03/02/2022 12:32

Finally fallen down implies it’s been leaning/wafting for a while and they’re probably ticked off. I wouldn’t take it to heart op but maybe have more regular inspections?

Catrice · 03/02/2022 12:55

My dad would send this sort of message as he finds typing very tricky (mid 70's). He doesn't mean to be rude but this message alone would have taken him a good 10 mins to do!

Abracadabra12345 · 03/02/2022 13:03

@Change123today

I had to send a similar message this weekend as the fence has fallen over due to rotten posts. I faffed for ages trying to work out what to say! My husband took the phone of me and sent something similar to what has been sent to you. I felt so embarrassed but to my husband it got to the point - the fence needs fixing /replacing - just send the message. I would try not to judge them on it - my husband face to face is a nice person! He just finds texts etc quite a difficult way of communicating he just doesn’t come across softly softly!

When the neighbours came over to sort it he was so lovely - I bet they where expecting us to be right old grumps from the message!

My OH would be the same. What jumps out is that the fence has FINALLY fallen down so has clearly been in a state of disrepair.

St0rmTr00per · 03/02/2022 13:06

The time is coming. Soon.

SofiaAmes · 05/02/2022 08:25

Interesting...I suggested it could be from someone on the spectrum, not because I found the message rude (I don't), but because it seems like half the message happened inside the person's head. I have a family and close community full of neurodiverse people and many conversations (and emails) miss out the "niceties" of a NT message. Here's one I received yesterday from a close friend who is on the spectrum:
Just a reminder we're having our movie night this Saturday. Do you know what you'd like to bring?
That was the entire message. No "hi", no "dear sofia", no "bye" , no "how are you?" no "thanks" and certainly no signing off with a name or "looking forward to seeing you" or.....some other NT phrase. Some might find it rude, I don't.
Going back to the original message to the OP, it seems like it either came from someone who had already had multiple conversations on the subject with the OP, or someone possibly on the spectrum.

TheChip · 05/02/2022 08:37

@SofiaAmes

Interesting...I suggested it could be from someone on the spectrum, not because I found the message rude (I don't), but because it seems like half the message happened inside the person's head. I have a family and close community full of neurodiverse people and many conversations (and emails) miss out the "niceties" of a NT message. Here's one I received yesterday from a close friend who is on the spectrum: Just a reminder we're having our movie night this Saturday. Do you know what you'd like to bring? That was the entire message. No "hi", no "dear sofia", no "bye" , no "how are you?" no "thanks" and certainly no signing off with a name or "looking forward to seeing you" or.....some other NT phrase. Some might find it rude, I don't. Going back to the original message to the OP, it seems like it either came from someone who had already had multiple conversations on the subject with the OP, or someone possibly on the spectrum.

I'm sorry, but that is just a normal text. Whether the person who sent it is on the spectrum or not. Missing greetings and asking how people are out of text messages does not suggest autism is a possible reason for it.

Ipadflowers · 05/02/2022 08:39

I’d not take issue with this, she doesn’t need to dress it up for you, she’s not your friend.

Mumoblue · 05/02/2022 08:42

The phrasing suggests it’s been in a poor state for a while, and as the landlord it’s your job to fix it.

Just fix it, and forget about the email.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 05/02/2022 08:56

The fence between my garden and rented house next door is totally rotten. One panel collapsed in Dec and the next one along is wafting gently on the breeze. I've spoken politely to my neighbours about it. They just shrug and refuse eye contact. No sign of anything being done any time soon.

To be honest the text you've received sounds more like an exasperated neighbour than a rude neighbour. I wish I had the landlords contact details to let them know about the fence.

It's really annoying living next to a property that isn't looked after!

Grantingmum · 05/02/2022 09:01

Some people are just rude.
Carry on being a good landlord, fix the fence. Don't give it another thought.

User12398712 · 05/02/2022 09:27

I think your mistake is in thinking of them as your neighbour and expecting some sort of friendly, neighbourly relationship. Your tenants are their neighbour; you are just the landlord of the house next door. You are in the business of letting out your property and need to act professionally and maintain your property and its boundaries in accordance with they law. They are just letting you know that an issue with your property is affecting them.

SofiaAmes · 05/02/2022 18:32

TheChip yes it would be a normal text if it had been a text, but it wasn't, it was an email. Anyway, obviously there are many different types of ND people and the ones in my life don't bother with greetings and salutations and other things that NT might require to demonstrate politeness. Perhaps your ND people are different. I was only trying to suggest that the message might not be coming from a place of rudeness.

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