Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What was your “final straw” in a previous long term relationship?

47 replies

ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 15:57

Relationships are so complex, and the longer they go on, the harder it can become to leave, even if you want to on some level.

What was the incident that made you decide to end things?

OP posts:
StillWalking · 30/01/2022 16:20

My (now Ex) DH went abroad to work for 6 months and moved in with his new gf while he was there. Ending it was a bit of a no-brainer really ..... Smile

Original poster
ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 16:22

@StillWalking Wow.

OP posts:
TomorrowsPrincess · 30/01/2022 16:36

After putting up with multiple physical attacks and putting up with his disgusting drinking for years, the final straw was waking up after having a rare drink with a friend (i had more or less passed out as I didn't really drink and was a light weight) to my ex wiping away the evidence of him helping himself to the goods. The next day I took my 2 children and slept on the floor of a friends for weeks until I mustered up the courage to confront him and get back in our house and throw him out.

CPGyellowwallpaper · 30/01/2022 16:56

With my marriage...he had repeatedly tried to force me to have sex so I told him I was going to stay elsewhere to give myself some headspace. He tried to physically stop me leaving and threw me across the room. When I did manage to get out the house I told him I wanted a divorce.

Last LTR there wasn't really an incident. He just never prioritised me in his life. I could accept going behind his kids and was fine with that. But his repeated prioritisation of his ex over me I simply couldn't tolerate. We would argue a lot. I asked him to write his will or marry me so that our dd and I were financially protected and he refused to do either. Eventually I checked out and one day just decided I was done coasting.

Current relationship...difficult. it is long distance so covid has made it incredibly hard going. We are still together but qe are at a crux point where I can't take his moods and disengaged attitude. He has had a very rough year and is in the process of changing jobs. If his attitude doesn't improve once he is in his new company I suspect we will part ways also

Original poster
ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 17:36

@TomorrowsPrincess I love that you left, gathered up your strength and power then RETURNED and kicked the b out!! 👏

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 17:38

@CPGyellowwallpaper That sounds horrendous about your marriage. So glad you got out.

Moodiness seriously sucks and makes me think of a teenager. So immature yet makes everyone feel so awful.

OP posts:
Gilead · 30/01/2022 17:40

When he told me that I deliberately breathed in the wrong place in a sentence in order to ensnare him.

Twillow · 30/01/2022 17:46

When he talked about how much he was looking forward to being retired and spending all our time together and I realised I was dreading the same thing!

Original poster
ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 17:48

Btw if anyone is wondering, I feel like I’m approaching one of these moments.

OP posts:
CPGyellowwallpaper · 30/01/2022 17:53

[quote ScarryRotter]@CPGyellowwallpaper That sounds horrendous about your marriage. So glad you got out.

Moodiness seriously sucks and makes me think of a teenager. So immature yet makes everyone feel so awful.[/quote]
It took a long time to.fully appreciate the abuse I was subjected to. It was the typical nice guy in the surface unfortunately.

Current dp...he is genuinely loey but I suspect suffers undiagnosed ptsd as a result of the death of his previous ltr and their child followed very closely by the death of his mum. He spent 15 years isolating himself so when stressed out he retreats into himself. It can be difficult but not living together is wonderful as I have learnt to just let him be. He is genuinely a lovely guy but he has never learnt how to let anyone in since their deaths. He is terrified of letting someone in and then losing them. I have just accepted he needs that space. But he is talking about us living together and I am not sure that is a wise idea. I strongly suspect if I say no he may end things

newtb · 30/01/2022 18:01

XH wrongly accused me of forcing him to get married in the 'fucking Church of England'. The last vestige of love for him died, with that.

Bastard

ChickenRoseNugget · 30/01/2022 18:02

When we were both in bed about to go to sleep and he said 'do you wish you were with someone else?'
I replied 'no. But I wish I was someone else sometimes' (because I felt like I could do nothing right and he always seemed mad at me for no reason.)
The next second he forcefully kicked me in the spine really hard and I flew out of bed into the door. I just led there scared. Turns out he thought I said I wanted to be with someone else 🙄 I couldn't escape straight away as that night it had snowed loads so we were snowed in. Both couldn't go to work the next day and he wanted a walk so I had to walk around with my back in so much pain and he kept asking me why it was hurting?
I made a plan and got my friends to help me pack and move out everything while he was at work and he came home to me gone.

MintMe · 30/01/2022 18:06

I tell this story every time these threads come up. It feels so petty but it really was death by a thousand cuts.

It was mid December, freezing. I'd been on client visits in cold warehouses. Driving round for eight hours. Had left the house at 6am and got back at 8pm.

Got home, all I wanted was a bath. DP moaned I'd already had a bath that week. He then hid the bath plug.

I moved out three months later.

fortheloveofcheesecake · 30/01/2022 18:17

He drank too much regularly and would talk to me like he hated me. He would then be nice to me and I'd be so confused. One night he drank too much at a social event and embarrassed me in front of everyone. On the way home he was verbally abusive to me and then fell over. I looked at him lying on the pavement, scrabbling around, too drunk to stand and felt utter disgust. He stopped drinking after that night but it was too late and I was done. I left a few months later.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 30/01/2022 18:23

He threatened to commit suicide and when I rang the police, told me I'd embarrassed him and had overreacted. Needless to say, this was the thin end of the wedge & I left him the week after.

TomorrowsPrincess · 30/01/2022 19:12

@ScarryRotter thank you.
It doesn't affect me anymore..... it built me up eventually. I am not a victim of abuse or rape. I am a strong woman now who takes NO shit and will be very vocal about my feelings and boundaries.
I've just turned 40 and am getting married next year to an absolute diamond of a man. He knows all my history. I am very different to the young woman I was 16 years ago.

Etolie · 30/01/2022 19:41

After nearly 30 years of marriage,he called me a bitch.
I just can’t get over it.

Mylee · 30/01/2022 19:51

I was English, he was Welsh and his parents absolutely hated him dating someone English. They were vile to me all the time, and he never stood up for me. Would always just say they would come round in time. They never did, and after a few years of taking their shit and him never defending me I’d had enough! So glad I got out but wish I’d been stronger to leave sooner. I was only 17 at the time

tinkywinkyshandbag · 30/01/2022 20:22

@ScarryRotter hope you're okay.

RoyKentsChestHair · 30/01/2022 20:34

I was exhausted and asked him for some help making dinner, or more accurately said it would have been nice if he’d helped me or made me a cup of tea instead of sloping off to watch TV. He got angry and defensive, kicked over the coffee table, told me he might not bother bringing round the turkey next day for our family get together, then when I got upset he started on about it being “that time of the month”. I pointed out that at 47 and on HRT (as he knew) I don’t have a time of the month, that this particular ‘period’ had been going on for 4 weeks now, since adjusting my HRT - his reply “that explains a lot”.

Made worse by the fact that my mum died of breast cancer after taking HRT and he knew it was a huge deal for me to even try it, but I knew that if I let my moods or my libido suffer from menopause that it would spell the end for us, so I took it anyway.

I called him a misogynistic prick and he kicked the fan over in the kitchen. So I told him to fuck off and never come back, after 9 years together. That was 2 months ago and I’ve cried every day since as I miss him. But I won’t have that level of disrespect in my life or around my kids. Sad

whirlycarly · 30/01/2022 20:48

Me saying after a weekend of doing nice things and him being a miserable bastard "I worry that nothing makes you happy" and him saying "it's you that doesn't make me happy."

The last in a long line of unnecessarily cruel comments he got to make while we were together.

QueenPeony · 30/01/2022 20:58

Lying. There were actually a lot of other problems and a lot of crappy behaviour from him, but the habitual lying got to me the most. I knew I had to leave but I was scared. But one day he lied yet again and I just said, next time you lie to me it's over. He proceeded to do it again about 10 minutes later!

Original poster
ScarryRotter · 30/01/2022 20:59

@tinkywinkyshandbag Thank you. I’m not in deep in terms of no marriage no kids live separately finances utterly separate. But some of these stories sound so close to what’s going on. The disrespect. The contempt. The cruelty.

At what point do you say no more

@RoyKentsChestHair I’m so sorry. You really have my admiration for standing up to that and setting the right example. It’s so important.

I feel like my head is spinning.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 30/01/2022 21:08

It's unbelievable what some women have to put up with. And they carry on putting up with it forever and a day. Why ffs? You say no more the first time he says something unpleasant and unloving.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 30/01/2022 21:09

He kept dumping me and asking to get back together. He asked once too many.