Page 2 | What was your “final straw” in a previous long term relationship?

ScarryRotter · 2022-01-30T15:57:11+00:00

Relationships are so complex, and the longer they go on, the harder it can become to leave, even if you want to on some level. What was the incident that made you decide to end things?

Cardboardf0x · 30/01/2022 21:11

A punch in the face in front of our daughter was the final straw, coupled with his horrific abuse of an 18 month old that I failed to protect. Took my daughter, one back of belongings and left him. The fucking narcissist tried to commit suicide after, he couldn't even get that right.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 30/01/2022 21:13

I caught him out in another lie. Not even about something serious. It was so trivial. Then when I spoke to him about it he ignored me and carried on like it didnt matter.

We didnt live together. I told him what I thought of him then never spoke to him again, despite his multiple attempts at contacting me. Best thing I ever did.

Downtherefordancing · 30/01/2022 21:19

My ExH had an affair when working in another country .. had even moved her into his company flat.
We were trying to make the marriage work, but deep down I knew his heart wasn’t in it.
It came to Valentine’s Day and I got a shit bunch of flowers with a little card that said “Best Wishes”.
So I checked his computer history and found out he’d been on Interflora and sent a big bouquet of red roses to the OW.
It was like a switch was flicked in my head. From then on I had no interest in him and told him I wanted a divorce.

That was 12 years ago and I can honestly say I am now so happy and secure. Just me and three teenagers .. and two dogs 😊

crackofdoom · 30/01/2022 21:19

He engineered a row on Boxing Day, stormed off and drove home, way over the limit. After three days of silence, he said he "wanted to talk". I said "Fine, let's talk. And what I want to say is that our relationship is over".

LavenderBlue95 · 30/01/2022 21:26

He used to weigh all the food in the cupboards before and after he finished work to see how much I'd eaten. Used to call me fat and ugly. Wasn't u too I was speaking about him to a colleague I realised how awful he was. Went home and told him I was leaving. Wrote my notice that night and was out within 3 weeks. Arsehole

LavenderBlue95 · 30/01/2022 21:28

Wasn't until* That was supposed to say. I should really proof read

tinkywinkyshandbag · 30/01/2022 21:32

@ScarryRotter I think disrespect and cruelty would be good reasons to say no more. Xx

NeedingToSleep · 30/01/2022 21:42

I think I've hit the final straw with my OH.

Told me that something almost happened with someone and when asked if it did, paused for a while, looked away and said no, couldn't look me in the eye. Think that says it all.

I'm completely torn on what to do. Struggling to move past this and believe them.

Gilead · 30/01/2022 21:57

It's unbelievable what some women have to put up with. And they carry on putting up with it forever and a day. Why ffs? You say no more the first time he says something unpleasant and unloving.
Please don’t victim blame @Dillydollydingdong

kittenkipper · 30/01/2022 22:12

Absolutely nothing like what others here have gone through! I'm so glad you're all free. I left after realising I hadn't watched any tv of my own choosing in YEARS. Not one thing. And then when I tried to think of something I wanted to watch I couldn't- because I'd forgotten what I liked. So I chose something at random ( doctor who- David tennant years) and started to watch it. My god the drama over that once a week 40minute show. He mocked me, moaned, sighed, walked in and out of the room (past the tv) decided to start diy, and after three weeks, I thought fuck this. He doesn't care. And I left. Funnily- he still watches doctor who. I don't. It was nothing to do with not liking the program but rather not liking that I'd chosen it.

SC215 · 30/01/2022 22:22

Seems very trivial compared to some of these, but when we went on our first and only holiday, the guy who cleaned our room was lovely and friendly, left towel arrangements with petals etc everyday. On our last day, I left a tenner as a tip for him, and my then boyfriend got really annoyed and said we didn't need to leave him a tip as the hotel paid him to do his job. It really annoyed me, both because he was trying to tell me what to do with my own money, and because he was being a tight arse. Really made me see him in a different light.

BritInAus · 30/01/2022 22:25

When her heavy drinking-turned 'functional alcoholism' turned less functional. After her first hospitalisation, when I had solid proof she'd driven with our toddler in the car at 7 times over the limit. I then didn't let her be alone with our child... there was one last chance. She blew it. Prioritised our child and our LTR over alcohol... again. Screamed in my face in A&E calling me a c*nt because I couldn't remove her pants fast enough and she was about to soil herself in another alcoholic rage. I left the hospital soon after and didn't look back. She died a few months later of liver failure at just 40. Our poor child...

HobgoblinGold · 30/01/2022 22:25

With my dad.

His coldness when he was telling me about my brothers death.

I called him as I heard via fb. He died 3 years earlier. Alone and undiscovered for 2 weeks. The call lasted less than a minute.

The results of his narcissism hit me for the first time, despite being a victim to it since I was born.

Fucking bastard.

MintJulia · 30/01/2022 22:26

Me & our ds had moved in with ex. He knew I had the sale price of my house in a bank account, ready for us to buy together.

11 weeks to the day after we moved in, he tried to borrow the proceeds (£200,000) in an unsecured loan, to give to another woman. And got arsey when I said No.

Then, I knew I'd been had, and I knew we were leaving. It took some months to organise, but it was over, from that moment.

Enzbear · 30/01/2022 22:30

I bought something with my own money, which he deemed was a waste of money and he didn't speak to me for a whole day. We split soon after.
To me it was the best purchase that I ever made.

Starseeking · 30/01/2022 22:38

Called me lazy because I spent 3 days in bed while running back and forth to the loo as I miscarried our 3rd DC. Didn't come to any of my emergency appointments, and as he wanted to use our only car, I had to take the bus to A&E several times while bleeding heavily. He only offered to take me to the D&C surgery because "it would make him look bad otherwise" (his exact words). He didn't do so much as make me one cup of tea during the whole 3 week ordeal.

A month later, his unvaccinated EXDW was ill in hospital with covid. He tried to make me go and buy the ingredients to cook meals for his EXMIL (who was looking after his DS). When I refused, to do the cooking, he said it was because I was jealous, and had always hated his DS. Then he cooked 4 different meals and drove them round.

I left him 2 months after that.

T00Ts · 30/01/2022 22:59

@Starseeking

Called me lazy because I spent 3 days in bed while running back and forth to the loo as I miscarried our 3rd DC. Didn't come to any of my emergency appointments, and as he wanted to use our only car, I had to take the bus to A&E several times while bleeding heavily. He only offered to take me to the D&C surgery because "it would make him look bad otherwise" (his exact words). He didn't do so much as make me one cup of tea during the whole 3 week ordeal.

A month later, his unvaccinated EXDW was ill in hospital with covid. He tried to make me go and buy the ingredients to cook meals for his EXMIL (who was looking after his DS). When I refused, to do the cooking, he said it was because I was jealous, and had always hated his DS. Then he cooked 4 different meals and drove them round.

I left him 2 months after that.

I’m so sorry. He is a beast. I hope you’re ok now.

Starseeking · 30/01/2022 23:16

Thank you @T00Ts, it was 8 months ago now, but it still feels like yesterday. I'm in the process of getting my life back together with the help of my lovely family, as I've got 2 DC to support.

What sealed the end for me was realising my EXDP's utter disrespect, contempt and loathing for me, you wouldn't treat your worst enemy as he did me. It was never anything physical, just the cruelty; the silent treatment, ignoring me when I spoke to him, the not dishing me up meals or drinks, rude/sarcastic putdowns in front of the DC, never doing anything nice for me, then still expecting me to find him attractive and sleep with him

The ironic thing is, on the face of it I'm a successful senior manager working full-time, and was doing all the managing of house and DC (bar one morning drop off, and his making his DS meals), earning more than twice what my DP did, yet at home was contorting myself into all manner of stances trying to please him. When I finally saw him for the narcissist that he is, I had no choice but to leave. The relief was immense.

Spitspotsput · 30/01/2022 23:29

I was banned from going to church because I had to go to the gym, but the non believer went as church was doing fathers day bacon rolls. Then we went out for a meal and I was afraid of ordering any food.

Smidgy · 30/01/2022 23:37

My ex mentally abused me, raped me whilst I slept (he would spike my drinks with extra shots of alcohol causing me to pass out), would ignore me for weeks at a time, was controlling and often manipulative, pressurised me into doing certain sex acts that I didn't want to do and which ended up physically harming me, as well as many many other awful things, but the final straw came when, after going away alone to visit family for the weekend, I came home to discover a hairband lying on the floor next to my side of the bed. It didn't belong to me, and despite him working really hard to convince me that I was wrong and that it was definitely one of my hairbands, I 1) 100% knew it wasn't mine and 2) knew from his face when I confronted him with what I'd found that he'd had another woman in our bedroom whilst I was away.

It sounds crazy that after all the awful things he'd done to me that this would be straw that broke the camels back, but in my head at that time, I was kind of thinking that I had put up with all the awful things he had done to me and yet he couldn't even be fucking faithful to me (completely messed up thinking, I know). I worked out quickly who the other woman was and even though I was angry at her for coming into my home and having sex with my boyfriend knowing full well we were together (we were part of the same friendship group and socialised together regularly), I also felt thankful that her leaving that hairband in my bedroom finally opened my eyes to the absolute shitstorm my relationship had become, and I left him a couple of weeks later.

QueenofLouisiana · 30/01/2022 23:47

The realisation that I would never come first.I was second to his trombone (not a euphemism, I mean it). Second to cricket and finally second to A Question of Sport. I rang to talk about some things that were building up and causing issues: my dad’s divorce, my move to a new city and starting a new career. I was told he couldn’t talk that night as QoS was on, then he needed to practice his trombone.
We staggered on a few more weeks. By the time he turned 28 a few weeks later I’d moved on, we’d been together more than 5 years.

broccolibush · 31/01/2022 00:48

When he had some colleagues round to our flat to get ready for some works event (I was NFI) and made a big show about not knowing where the iron was kept. He bloody knew where it was kept, though because I’d taken on a manchild he had never used the bloody thing. Or the hoover/mop/washing machine. It was the deliberate putting me in my place as the little woman in front of his colleagues - when I was earning more and on a professional qualification training contract so wasn’t being supported by the billy big bollocks he wanted to be. At that point the scales fell from my eyes and I realised how much of a mug I was letting him take me for. I threw him out (though had to find him somewhere to go because otherwise he’d still probably be living in my flat). It sounds so petty but it was like I suddenly could see exactly what he thought of me - of all women actually.