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Original poster

Gender disappointment

32 replies

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 10:35

Hello. I would like to express my feelings. I have two healthy thnx god girls and me and my wife are expecting another baby that doctor told us that is gonna probably another girl. I feel so guilty of having such thoughts but i m so disappointed. I know its so wrong to feel this way and that's why i am seeking for a response of anyone who had felt this way, as i am so embarrassed of discussing it with anyone i know. I see so many people having reall problems but it can't get out of my mind.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/01/2022 10:36

Just keep telling yourself you know if makes no difference once the baby’s here. And please don’t try for number 4 on the hopes of having a boy.

Crunchymum · 28/01/2022 10:38

What do you mean baby is "probably" a girl?

YellowLemonz · 28/01/2022 10:40

Have you had it confirmed by scan?

If not, I would disregard what the doc has said. He doesn't know. And there's no probably.

Wait for a scan.

But otherwise, your feelings are normal and more common than you think.
It sometimes just takes awhile to sink in.
Once your baby is here no matter what they are, they'll be loved and wanted.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Antenatal & postnatal Families General health

abigailsnan · 28/01/2022 10:48

All babies bring their own love what ever the sex,my DD had four boys then a girl she always say's (jokingly) if she had had her first she would never have had any more, this girl has been such hard work .

Original poster

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 10:49

We had our 13 week scan and doctor sed 80% girl. I just wantend to live the experience of having a son . Watched my brother living with his sons makes me feel that something is missing for me and as the third baby is coming i m feeling that i am never gonna have the chance

OP posts:

fantasmasgoria1 · 28/01/2022 11:29

You can do everything with a girl that you can with a boy. My step daughter grew up playing football and did not actually have any of what people would have classed as a traditionally 'girly' hobbies. In fact neither did I or my daughter! I get where you are coming from but just think that you will have a healthy baby.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/01/2022 11:58

None of your dc are defined by their gender. Your relationships are not defined by their gender. You get the kids you get, and they will enjoy the things they enjoy. None of us get to pick.

Even if you had a boy your experience would not be the same as your brothers.

DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 12:05

One of the reasons I didn't find out what I was having during pregnancy was because I knew I'd be disappointed if I found out I wasn't having the gender I wanted. I always knew I wanted a specific gender and whenever I imagined myself with a child I only ever imagined them as that one gender.
I had the other.
And I freaking LOVE IT! I LOVE having this kid. I love them so much. They are just so right for me.
I think it's ok to feel disappointed if you think you want one gender and find out you're getting the other. The vast vast majority of the time you end up completely in love with the child you get.
It's only an issue if these feelings continue when your child is here.

Nc123 · 28/01/2022 13:46

I felt like this when I had my youngest. I always wanted the experience of raising daughters and I have three sons. No girls.

I absolutely adore my sons and wouldn’t change them for the world, but I still feel a bit sad from time to time when I see my friends and family members raising their daughters. My sons love comics and wrestling and I can often feel a bit like the odd one out in my family. A bit outnumbered. It still happens, but I’ve made peace with it.

Mainly though, having boys is brilliant. I still share all the stuff I love with my sons and I make time to do stuff with each boy one to one. And theyre lovely and surprising in all sorts of ways, just like your daughters will be. When I can, I enjoy hanging out with my niece and young cousins and get my fix of female company from there.

MrsBerthaRochester · 28/01/2022 14:08

My exdh was very obviously disappointed when we found out that dc5 was a girl. We already had a son but had lost 3 boys. He really wanted our son to have a brother(he only had brothers)
We did go on to have another boy but I will never forget his reaction. Please try and not let your partner know that you feel this way.

Cuck00soup · 28/01/2022 14:11

Congratulations on your forthcoming daughter! She will be awesome.

betwixtlives · 28/01/2022 14:25

Why does it matter? What do you think you’re missing out on by having a female child rather than a male one? Genuine question

Original poster

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 14:35

Thnx a lot for your advices. I really felt better i was able to share it at least. I do believe i am gonna have great moments,but I also believe that i will feel empty sometimes as i am still thinking of it no matter i have two wonderful daughters. Thank you all.

OP posts:

MargaretThursday · 28/01/2022 14:41

I didn't think you could tell by scan at 13 weeks? Think of it this way, if they randomly guess each time it would be 50% accurate. :D

People on here will tell you you should just be pleased with a healthy baby.
I don't think that's fair.
People can be disappointed with all sorts of random things. Some far less important. We all have feelings and sometimes we can know it's not reasonable and still feel upset.
So it's fair enough to be disappointed at this point.
Give yourself time. You can feel sad. But then start thinking about your new baby. Think of them as a child with a personality. When they're born you'll be excited and love them and that's what matters.

My middle daughter was found at the 20 week scan to have a disability. It's actually not been as bad as I thought at the time. I mourned the child I had thought I was having. It was hard. I wasn't sure how I'd react when she came out-it was very visible. But when she came out then I loved her immediately and knew it didn't matter.
You'll find the same.

CatJumperTwat · 28/01/2022 14:43

What do you picture yourself doing with a son that you don't do with your daughters?

Original poster

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 14:48

I believe there is a serious difference in my point of view . Like mothers with there daughters there is a special bond Which doesn't need to be explained.

OP posts:

EishetChayil · 28/01/2022 14:50

Imagine looking your daughter in the eye when she's older and telling her the first thing you ever felt about her was disappointment.

You are extraordinarily lucky and blessed to be having a third child. Please remember that.

EishetChayil · 28/01/2022 14:52

@Kostas8

"Empty" is what you feel when you can't have children but were desperate for them.

It isn't what you feel with three healthy kids.

YellowLemonz · 28/01/2022 14:52

@Kostas8

I believe there is a serious difference in my point of view . Like mothers with there daughters there is a special bond Which doesn't need to be explained.

In fairness my relationship with my late dad was far more special than the relationship I had with my mum.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/01/2022 14:58

I have 3 sons... all totally different personalities and Qualities and personally, my relationship wasn't great with my Mum but is Brilliant with each of my sons, so don't be to fixed with your expectations

sleepyhoglet · 28/01/2022 15:00

OP it's fine to feel disappointed and also to express that. I felt the same way when I found out I was having a boy and was glad I knew at the scan and not when he was born as it gave me time to adjust and within a few weeks I couldn't imagine Anythjbf else and I am certainly not disappointed now he is here

Shmithecat2 · 28/01/2022 15:03

@Kostas8

I believe there is a serious difference in my point of view . Like mothers with there daughters there is a special bond Which doesn't need to be explained.

I don't have a better bond with my mother than I do my father. And I also can't imagine having a better bond with a future dd than I do with my ds.

Original poster

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 15:05

Ok i see thnx anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kostas8 · 28/01/2022 15:18

Thank you.

OP posts:

Lndnmummy · 28/01/2022 15:45

Gender disappointment is a real thing so dont let anyone tell you its not. For what is worth, I am so much closer to my dad than my mum. My husband always wanted a son and it was very difficult for me as I knew he would be so disappointed. Not because he was a bad person and not wanting a girl but due to some of his life experiences he believed that having a son would be a healing experience for him. I remembee talking to my midwife about it at the time and she was very supportive and said GD was very common. I never found out the sex out of fear it would cloud the experience. As it happend, we did have a boy. Two boys in fact. And they are complete mummy's boys both of them and my husband now laughs and says all that praying for sons never paid off as all they want is their mum. What I am trying to say is that you are allowed to have your feelings, and you have the right to process them.

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