You tell her that I said she needs to stop singing

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

I posted a thread yesterday about my DD who has been very poorly the last couple of days. Not eating or drinking, very high temp, lethargic etc and I said it wasn't covid as she had a negative test but it turns out it is. I have also got it, came on very suddenly last night and I have been so poorly, I haven't felt this bad in a very long time. It was so bad that my DP couldn't go into work as I need help with my DD (she is Autistic). DD seemed to have perked up today and likes to have a sing, she always has done and it's a type of self regulation when she's feeling anxious. My DP rang his work and all his boss did was act suspicious like he didn't believe that I was ill, even though I've had two positive tests and have all the typical symptoms ( the company he works for is big btw so nothing to do with lack of staff). He could hear my DD singing in the background and he said to DP "you tell her that I said she needs to stop singing now" in a very aggressive, angry way.

Sorry for the long post but didn't want to drip feed. Would you go to HR for something like that? Also, sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I'm not feeling well at all.

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

@picklemewalnuts

I would book a conversation with HR. I'd ask about dependents leave-

"I have a daughter with significant disabilities. Usually her mum looks after her. Occasionally, if her mum is unexpectedly ill, I will need to step up. What am I expected to do in that emergency situation? I'm asking, because Boss said something a bit odd on the phone and I want to check I'm doing the right thing".

I think this is a good idea. Thank you

[Joystir59]

I would think if your DP is a qualified trades person he is in high demand and could consider looking for another job. His boss sounds obnoxious.

[Plantagenous]

Wasn't this the bosses way of saying to your DH to move away from the singing person because the singing was interfering with the conversation though?

I'm not saying he was right to put it the way he did but it is really annoying knowing the person you are talking to is not on a corded phone but won't move away from a background noise when that noise is making it hard to hold a conversation.

What he said was a PA way of saying to your DH that HE needs to move away from the background noise I suspect.

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

@Plantagenous

Wasn't this the bosses way of saying to your DH to move away from the singing person because the singing was interfering with the conversation though?

I'm not saying he was right to put it the way he did but it is really annoying knowing the person you are talking to is not on a corded phone but won't move away from a background noise when that noise is making it hard to hold a conversation.

What he said was a PA way of saying to your DH that HE needs to move away from the background noise I suspect.

I could understand that if it was the first time DP had told him he wasn't able to come in but he was on his 3rd or 4th phone call by then. I think the "normal" thing to do would have just been to accept that DP was saying off to help me but he didn't believe that I was unwell by the sounds of it. My DP never takes time off work so I really don't understand why he would lie about something like that, especially something like covid. Also, we live in a small flat and sounds do travel, there's nothing we can do about her singing.

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

so is that the fourth time he has asked to be off?

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

or he had to ring 4 times to ask?

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

@MrsLargeEmbodied

or he had to ring 4 times to ask?

Boss kept ringing. He rang my DP at least four times.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I wonder if the singing comment was to stop your DD spreading her covid germs to your DH as well? If he doesn't already have it, which he probably will have.

[allinadaystwerk]

OP. You have your answers. Rest yourself. You're feeling really poorly. Look after yourself not this thread and feel better soon. Your daughter sounds wonderful... sing on little one !

[DePfeffoff]

Can your husband perhaps have a private conversation with his boss about his approach to disability?

[NoJaffaCakesAreKeptInThisVan]

What a very strange thing to say and yes I would report this. Controlling to the extreme. It sounds like he doesn’t believe your DP (who is also legally allowed unpaid time off to look after children). Surely as this is a large company, I would have a word with HR but it would be better coming from your DP.

I once left a job after about 3 weeks in because I unfortunately caught the flu, I dragged myself in when I was able to only to be met by a lecture from my manager. But I had been really ill 🤷🏻‍♀️ Luckily I had the luxury of going back to my old job but I really regret not not reporting her to HR.

It shows very poor management skills really when you can’t show any diplomacy. Yes some people lie about this kind of thing but they need to be sure of this without going in with all guns blazing.

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

@allinadaystwerk

OP. You have your answers. Rest yourself. You're feeling really poorly. Look after yourself not this thread and feel better soon. Your daughter sounds wonderful... sing on little one !

Very frustrating when you feel so ill but can't sleep. Thank you, she really is lovely.

[Ponoka7]

"I would book a conversation with HR. I'd ask about dependents leave-

"I have a daughter with significant disabilities. Usually her mum looks after her. Occasionally, if her mum is unexpectedly ill, I will need to step up. What am I expected to do in that emergency situation? I'm asking, because Boss said something a bit odd on the phone and I want to check I'm doing the right thing"."

Absolutely go with that. Reiterate that your DD sings to self soothe and if his boss is going to phone repeatedly, then your DP can't promise quietness. But make it as much about carers leave.

[StruggleStreet]

I suspect boss thought it was a ‘gotcha’ moment. He suspected that DH was not telling the truth about why he wasn’t coming in and it was his way of saying that he doesn’t think DD needs looking after as she must be feeling well if she’s singing (completely missing the point about why he was actually off - to help you)

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

it is all very well advising that he goes to HR, but would he?

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

@StruggleStreet

I suspect boss thought it was a ‘gotcha’ moment. He suspected that DH was not telling the truth about why he wasn’t coming in and it was his way of saying that he doesn’t think DD needs looking after as she must be feeling well if she’s singing (completely missing the point about why he was actually off - to help you)

i think that may be the case

[Thatsplentyjack]

He sounds like a complete dick. I'm surprised by some of the responses on her trying to justify his controlling and ridiculous command.
I would report this, but if the boss is quite intimidating I suspect your partner won't.

[MonicaGellerCleans]

Unfortunately so many companies these days seem to think they are in charge of not just their employees, but their employees families too.

The boss sounds like an arsehole. I'd definitely make a complaint to HR.

[MyCatHatesEverybody]

Is your partner DD’s father as you mention “my” DD throughout. Just wondering whether this has any relevance to the boss’s attitude if she’s not DP’s biologically (not suggesting boss acted appropriately though!)

[Billandben444]

I think your DP needs to clarify his dependent's leave with HR as it sounds a bit vague tbh. That would give him the confidence to ring in and tell his boss if it happens again.