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Original poster

You tell her that I said she needs to stop singing

70 replies

WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 25/01/2022 19:49

I posted a thread yesterday about my DD who has been very poorly the last couple of days. Not eating or drinking, very high temp, lethargic etc and I said it wasn't covid as she had a negative test but it turns out it is. I have also got it, came on very suddenly last night and I have been so poorly, I haven't felt this bad in a very long time. It was so bad that my DP couldn't go into work as I need help with my DD (she is Autistic). DD seemed to have perked up today and likes to have a sing, she always has done and it's a type of self regulation when she's feeling anxious. My DP rang his work and all his boss did was act suspicious like he didn't believe that I was ill, even though I've had two positive tests and have all the typical symptoms ( the company he works for is big btw so nothing to do with lack of staff). He could hear my DD singing in the background and he said to DP "you tell her that I said she needs to stop singing now" in a very aggressive, angry way.

Sorry for the long post but didn't want to drip feed. Would you go to HR for something like that? Also, sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I'm not feeling well at all.

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TigerLilyTail · 26/01/2022 04:25

He's a dick. It sounds like he was stressed and the singing was winding him up, but he had absolutely no right to say that.

My co-worker was sick recently and it really upset me how bitchy my boss was about the situation. People get sick. Companies need to cope. They shouldn't take it out on employees.

Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 04:27

@CircleofWillis

Incredible inappropriate comment. Is it possible that the boss thought it was you singing and therefore not really sick?

(Clutching at straws here).

No, I don't think so. He was also taking the day off work to help me out rather than look after my daughter who seems to be on the mend now.
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Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 04:29

Maybe, but he would need to be clear about what he wants HR to actually do about it.

We've decided we won't be complaining, I think you're right about it causing problems for my DP.

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Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 04:32

My co-worker was sick recently and it really upset me how bitchy my boss was about the situation. People get sick. Companies need to cope. They shouldn't take it out on employees.

Exactly. it isn't like it's a small company, it's worth a lot of money and their profits have doubled during the pandemic. My DP was working throughout and rarely takes anytime off.

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PinkSyCo · 26/01/2022 04:43

Unless your DH has form for skiving off, it seems obvious to me that the reason his boss didn’t believe that you were ill was because he thought that it was you singing. Your DH should have put him right at the time.

Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 04:47

@PinkSyCo

Unless your DH has form for skiving off, it seems obvious to me that the reason his boss didn’t believe that you were ill was because he thought that it was you singing. Your DH should have put him right at the time.
There's no way his boss thought it was me singing. It is very obvious that it is a child who has learning difficulties. Singing is along the lines of "Da da da" its just sounds rather than words.
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MiddleParking · 26/01/2022 05:08

Very surprised at these responses, I would 100% consider a manager saying something aggressive about a direct report’s disabled child an HR issue!

It’s pretty funny though that he said “tell her I said she needs to stop” as if he’s some kind of celebrity or Father Christmas. Surely her response if DP had passed on the message would probably quite reasonably be “who? Da da da daaa”… What an utter dickhead.

LadyPropane · 26/01/2022 05:17

Surprised at all the nonchalant replies up thread.

He sounds like a really nasty piece of work. I wouldn't complain but I would never see him in the same light again, and I'd probably start looking at other jobs.

LunaMay · 26/01/2022 05:19

Was the singing loud, as in interfering with the phone call? Not an excuse, just curious. He maybe should have called in from somewhere quieter if there was a chance boss might be suspicious

expat101 · 26/01/2022 05:25

@LunaMay

Was the singing loud, as in interfering with the phone call? Not an excuse, just curious. He maybe should have called in from somewhere quieter if there was a chance boss might be suspicious
I thought this too. We run a business from home, and its hard to hear some messages due to the background noise.
Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 05:32

@LunaMay

Was the singing loud, as in interfering with the phone call? Not an excuse, just curious. He maybe should have called in from somewhere quieter if there was a chance boss might be suspicious
It can get quite loud. However, this wasn't the first time he had spoken to him. The first time he was actually heading into work and was in his car. I got in contact after he left and said how ill I was feeling. When he made those comments he was calling to check my lateral flow was positive. He kept calling to check up on the situation, that's what I meant when I said he was acting suspicious in my OP, I should have elaborated on that.
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CrumblyCrimble · 26/01/2022 05:35

If he is upset by his boss' reaction then he can raise it direct with the boss. Use it as an opportunity to inform the boss about DD and the practical challenges at home.

He can go to HR for advice on how to have this conversation with the boss. Then he has put down a marker with HR without raising a formal complaint

rattlemehearties · 26/01/2022 06:19

I also think he's a knob but that he thought it was you singing.

But no need to dwell on it now. You're not well and there's nothing to follow up. Don't stress

gogohm · 26/01/2022 06:25

Trying to unpick this - could this be related to your dp saying he could do conference calls from home? In that circumstance background noise is an issue. It seems quite a bizarre thing for the boss to say, I'm wondering if the wording was changed when your dp told you

CJsGoldfish · 26/01/2022 06:59

If he was trying to conduct a phone call and it was interfering with that, I can understand the frustration. It IS frustrating when you are trying to talk and there are children/dogs/traffic making it hard to hear. If that was the case, I assume he had to raise his voice to be heard. Hard to know without being right there.
Can understand why it upset you though Flowers

Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 07:07

I also think he's a knob but that he thought it was you singing.

This is what I wrote up thread when a pp thought the same

There's no way his boss thought it was me singing. It is very obvious that it is a child who has learning difficulties. Singing is along the lines of "Da da da" its just sounds rather than words.

He knows it was was my daughter and there was no confusion about whether it was me singing.

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Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 07:19

@gogohm

Trying to unpick this - could this be related to your dp saying he could do conference calls from home? In that circumstance background noise is an issue. It seems quite a bizarre thing for the boss to say, I'm wondering if the wording was changed when your dp told you
He can't actually work from home, he works in a trade, like a plumber. That's why his boss was annoyed I think.
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Billandben444 · 26/01/2022 07:20

He sounds a nasty man. Is your DP going to wfh while you're poorly (therefore loud singing not advisable), or is he taking the time as sick (which he isn't) or as annual leave? Or perhaps he's isolating - sorry, can't remember the current rules! I think boss was a bit pissed off for whatever reason and was just plain snappy - nasty indeed. Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 07:24

@Billandben444

He sounds a nasty man. Is your DP going to wfh while you're poorly (therefore loud singing not advisable), or is he taking the time as sick (which he isn't) or as annual leave? Or perhaps he's isolating - sorry, can't remember the current rules! I think boss was a bit pissed off for whatever reason and was just plain snappy - nasty indeed. Hope you're feeling a bit better.
Unfortunately, he cant work from home. As he's double jabbed I don't think he has to isolate unless he has symptoms so boss expects him back in tomorrow, regardless of how ill I am. No understanding at all.
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Tal45 · 26/01/2022 07:27

It sounds like he was pissed off that your OH didn't come to work and is taking it out on your daughter bless her. He's being a prick. I'm not surprised your DH was shocked and didn't know what to say, his boss sounds pretty nasty and intimidating. I would leave it but consider looking for another job.

GreetingsAndSalutations · 26/01/2022 07:28

I wouldn’t bother reporting him to HR- what are they going to do about it?- but boss would be getting a “fuck off ya dickhead” from me. After I hung up.

icelollycraving · 26/01/2022 07:31

Sorry you’re unwell but I think you’re overthinking this. I think his boss either thought it sounded like a happy joyful household, so why the need for time off or that the noise was interfering with the call. Either way, he’s a knob but definitely not an hr matter.

picklemewalnuts · 26/01/2022 07:32

I would book a conversation with HR. I'd ask about dependents leave-

"I have a daughter with significant disabilities. Usually her mum looks after her. Occasionally, if her mum is unexpectedly ill, I will need to step up. What am I expected to do in that emergency situation? I'm asking, because Boss said something a bit odd on the phone and I want to check I'm doing the right thing".

Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 07:32

his boss sounds pretty nasty and intimidating

That's exactly it, you should have seen how stressed DP was when he knew he had to call him.

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Original poster
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/01/2022 07:37

@icelollycraving

Sorry you’re unwell but I think you’re overthinking this. I think his boss either thought it sounded like a happy joyful household, so why the need for time off or that the noise was interfering with the call. Either way, he’s a knob but definitely not an hr matter.
This is the thing, my daughter had actually perked up after being really unwell for two days. It wasn't to help look after her because she was unwell it was because I couldn't look after her at all, I was struggling to get her dressed and she needs help going to the the toilet and help with eating and has to be watched 24/7.
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