Traumatic car accident how do i get over it

[Goang54]

Yeaterday i was driving me and my baby home from picking up groceries. It was like any other day and everything was completely normal. I do the trip every week and know the route like the back of my hand. Im always very cautious with my driving espeically when baby is in the back. I was driving along a bend when all the sudden my car flew into the opposite side of the road. I panicked and was in disbelief. I grabbed the steering wheel and tried to gain control of the car but by doing so the car only continued to skid left instead of right. Then we went up a bank and the car flipped into the air. My side of the car hit the ground and the driver window smashed in my face. Then the car rolled onto the roof momentarily and i remember looking at the world upside down thinking "we are trapped. How am i going to get out." Then somehow the car managed a whole 360 and landed back on its wheels. It was like the whole thing happened in slow motion like they portray in the movies. It was all so sudden yet so slow. I remember thinking i need to keep my body composed and in place. I need to protect my head. I need to live. As soon as the car got back on its wheels i darted out the door and a overwhelming gush of feeling faint took over me but i ignored it and ran to my babys door.

It was those few moments which where the worst. Not even the small moment where i sat in the skatinf car helpless realising we was going to inveitably crash was as scary as this. I thought she was going to be dead. I thought her side of the car had smashed just like mine. I expected to see her unconscious covered in glass. All the sudden it hit me that i may not have my baby anymore. It was so distressing.

Luckily, i dont know how, the car managed to miss her side (passanger side) entirely. She was in shock and distraught but unharmed. But those moments when i took her out and didnt know what happened where so frightening. I didnt even realise my arm was dripping in blood or that i had been injured.

Whenever im left to my thoughts or i close my eyes my mind constantly replays it all. The fact that was we so close to both losing our lives. Being so defenless. The loud bang in our ears and being flung in the car upside down. I am so grateful ive come out of it with minor injuries and even more grateful that my baby is okay. But i dont know how to get over this. Im not afraid to go back on the roads i dont think ( its is a necessity for where we live). But the images of the crash keep coming violently back into my mind. I keep thinking what if i went the other way, what could i have done better. Yes we came out of it okay but it very easily could of not been. Should i have steered into the skid? Should i have emergency braked?

It turns out that it was nothing i could of done. I clipped a corner that was blind from being covered in leaves and something in my tyre broke and the whole tyre gave. There was no way i could of gained control of the car but could i have approached it better? Its so scary that this wasnt caused by me ( if you get what i mean) or anyone else but just by a fault in the car. The corner i was on was tight and many people have clipped and bounced of it. It is also ontop of a hill leading on an A road and i was worried we was going to get straight down it into oncoming traffic or someone walking by.

How do move on from this?

Thank you for reading all of that if you reached the end! I guess the worst part isnt even the crash but the thought that i could of lost my daughter so easily. She could of not been here today and my head wont seem to listen to reasoning that that is not the case. Even my dp who came to the scene of the accident and saw all the police and ambulance, doesnt quote seem to comprehend how lucky we are to be here right now. None of my family seem to get it and some even try to make light hearted jokes of it ( i get this could be a coping mechanism). But i feel so alone in my fears.

That's terrifying, OP, I'm glad you are both doing okay. It's only been a day so don't expect too much of yourself. It's entirely normal to keep reliving it. It'll get better in time, but just be kind to yourself

Time. You'll take a while, but you'll get there.

I'm glad you're both all right.

Goodness, that is terrifying. I am glad you are both ok. I think lots will come on here and give advice but for something so traumatic, perhaps speak to your GP to see about some professional advice or help in the coming days to help. You sound like you do need to talk about what has happened.

All the best OP. I hope you recover soon.

First, what a frightening experience.

Secondly, I think you need to get some form of help with the flashbacks and the shock and horror of it all, via the GP or another route, whether that be talking therapy or something else.

Thirdly, I don't know if they still do them so this may not be possible, could you do a driving course that focuses on what to do/not do in situations such as happened to you as this may well help to boost your confidence, that a) you did the right thing in the circumstances and b) you are fully prepared should anything similar happen again and I sincerely hope it never does.

Time. Flash backs are your brain processing it. If you are still having them after 6 weeks then see your GP.

You are in shock, and that takes time to get over, be gentle on yourself, it’s the past now

It was only yesterday. It's natural that you're still upset about it.
As time passes the shock and trauma will wear off..

That's so frightening, you'll be in shock still. It'll take a while to get over it, I expect but you will. I did something similar just after I passed my test, although I was the only one in the car, thankfully.

What did help was to book myself on a skidpan course to learn how to deal with a skid if it happened again - it's the suddenness of it and the panic of not knowing what do do to get out of it that makes it worse. The course I went on was a half day one-to-one on a huge open area (an old runway) with someone who knew what they were doing and took me through the whole process over and over again until I could feel the skid starting and deal with it without thinking "oh shit!" It ended up being quite fun actually. And later, when it happened for real again, what I'd learned all came back and I managed to get myself out of it straightaway.

Good luck, and as the PP said, be kind to yourself

Decent winter tyres will make you feel more assured op. Your dd is alive. I know somewhat of that fear when my ds crashed and we arrived to see him +car upside down spinning in the road.. 5 years ago this week. He was 22 then. That stomach churning feeling. Still get it when I have What Ifs.

I understand time is needed but i dont feel i really have this luxury. I feel that people knd of just expect me to be back to normal today. No one has asked me how i feel just more so focusing on the physical side of things. I just feel really fragile and cant keep making jokes and put on a smile on my face for dp or anyone else. I havent know what to do with myself all of today. I have been feeling very off and almost in a dream like state. Tomorrow dp will return to work and i will need to look after dc but i cant even lift her because of injuries and i keep zoning out into forceful flashbacks.

This sounds so very scary OP. I'm so glad you're both OK.

As someone with PTSD (it's been a long haul journey) my advice would be to talk about it as much as you need to and allow yourself, if you can, to feel all the emotions and let them have their course. Therapy could be really helpful here. You could write about it for yourself, talk to friends who are good listeners. Cry. Whatever movement you enjoy - do that, shake it out, run it out. Kimberley Johnson has a good book that might be of help.

Expect to dream about it, it's a brain processing thing. EMDR can be helpful to process the memories in ways that don't keep feeling scary and threatening: I rate it highly.

We're all unique, but it was the not talking about it that I think made mine bed in. A freeze type response. It was only a year later I started to do that and I think it's made it harder.

Your car actually did it’s job of protecting you in an accident and you’re both ok!

What a horrible and upsetting thing to experience. Car crashes are terrifying. Even small bumps can be traumatic so it’s no wonder that this has spooked you.

But you and your baby ARE ok. You can’t help the flashbacks but just be good to yourself and allow yourself time to process this all.

@abbey44 thank you for the suggestion. I will look into that. Anything to boost my confidence and never feel that feeling of helplessness again. Thing is the recovery man said as my tire was bust it didnt really matter what i did nothing was going to bring the car back or fix it. But of course knowing what to do in scary situations will put my mind at ease.

@AngryApple yes the police and paramedics keep reiterating the fact that the car had actually done its part quite well. I had my seatbelt on and dc was in her car seat otherwise i doubt neither of us would be here today. It is so scary to think of that. The car took most of the impact. In a way that car was good but it always felt like it was drifting on bends and turns. It was a very very old light weight vechile. My next one will be sturdy. It was crazy because this all happened literally 3 minutes from my home. I was so close to making it back

I had a very similars experience two years ago but luckily I was on my own without the kids. A car pulled into the side of me as I was (legally) overtaking. The car rolled three times and landed in a ditch. How I walked away I will never know. I spent the first few days in shock to be honest. I was very emotional and upset. With time I came to realise how lucky I was and how the whole thing could have been a lot different.

One thing that really helped was forcing myself to drive again asap (two days later). I have to be honest I still have flashbacks and bad days especially if I have a near miss or something happens when I’m driving. I’m also an AWFUL passenger now too.

I also had to go to court and relive the whole thing as the driver (despite admitting fault to the police at the scene) retracted his statement and tried to sue me for liability. Luckily the judge saw through him and found him 100% liable.

Take it easy over the next few days and weeks until the shock of it has passed and definitely get back on the road asap!

It was traumatic. It will take time.

Would counselling help? It's worth checking your car insurance policy to see if this sort of medical assistance afterwards is covered.

But be kind to yourself. Accidents are scary. Mainly because they happen when least expected. You do that route frequently. It didn't feel scary or a risk. This will have blind sighted you.

Goodness OP, how terrifying. You've described the experience so vividly I feel chills just reading about it.

Absolutely, you need time. It sounds like an incredibly traumatic event and to be honest I would be giving pretty short thrift to anyone close to me who suggested that I should just be able to snap out of it.

My experience was very different to yours but in some ways I can relate. After my DD was born we stayed in hospital because she was jaundiced. I remember having her asleep in my arms while I was chatting away to one of the support team. I happened to look down and to my utter horror she was blue, she had stopped breathing. Everything that happened after was like a dream (nightmare) - the nurse grabbing my daughter, running off and screaming for help, me left howling, making the noises you only think you see in the movies. To cut a long story short, she was resuscitated and spent the next few days hovering between life and death, but thankfully made a full recovery.

The trauma of the experience took a long time to process, despite having a good outcome. I would say about a year. Like you I was haunted by "what ifs" - what if I hadn't looked down at that moment and she had have just died in my arms. I was very jittery for months any time she was remotely unwell. But years later my brain has successfully processed it and my responses to triggering situations are normal.

Good luck with your recovery, be kind to yourself.

What a horrific thing to go through. I wonder if your family are playing it down to try and make you feel better? You need to be honest don't be afraid to say you are struggling. Be kind to your self over next few weeks don't push your self to do anything you are not ready to. I second emdr is fantastic for ptsd, I had it throughNHS as part of CBT therapy. The skid course sounds like a good idea too.

Blimey @Goang54 despite a terrifying experience beyond your control you managed to get yourself and your child out of the car and stay safe until responders arrived. That is pretty bloody amazing. Just be kind to yourself and take it day by day and if the understandable trauma lingers do not be afraid to seek help and speak to your GP.

If you can’t adequately care for your baby then you shouldn’t be alone, OP. Can DP have at least another day off and then do you have anyone else who can come and help - family, friends?

Tetris and word games might help: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/01/190108095114.htm

I also suggest looking into EMDR. My daughter had it after a traumatic hospital event, it was very effective.

@FAQs i was actually very fortunate that residents on the road heard and two came and helped. The first person i saw was a man coming up the opposite side of the road to me. I dont know how much he saw but i just remember the first thing i did when i got out was scream at him to call for help whilst i went to my baby's door. Then more vechiles passed and stopped by and one of the ladies on the road kindly let me into her house whilst we waited for the ambulance. Those people were all so amazing. I dont know what i would of done if i was on my own

@NoSquirrels

If you can’t adequately care for your baby then you shouldn’t be alone, OP. Can DP have at least another day off and then do you have anyone else who can come and help - family, friends?

This. Please tell your DP you need more time. Sorry you've been through such a difficult experience. Shock can last longer than you think. Thank goodness you both got through this. Be kind to yourself.