Traumatic car accident how do i get over it

[Goang54]

Yeaterday i was driving me and my baby home from picking up groceries. It was like any other day and everything was completely normal. I do the trip every week and know the route like the back of my hand. Im always very cautious with my driving espeically when baby is in the back. I was driving along a bend when all the sudden my car flew into the opposite side of the road. I panicked and was in disbelief. I grabbed the steering wheel and tried to gain control of the car but by doing so the car only continued to skid left instead of right. Then we went up a bank and the car flipped into the air. My side of the car hit the ground and the driver window smashed in my face. Then the car rolled onto the roof momentarily and i remember looking at the world upside down thinking "we are trapped. How am i going to get out." Then somehow the car managed a whole 360 and landed back on its wheels. It was like the whole thing happened in slow motion like they portray in the movies. It was all so sudden yet so slow. I remember thinking i need to keep my body composed and in place. I need to protect my head. I need to live. As soon as the car got back on its wheels i darted out the door and a overwhelming gush of feeling faint took over me but i ignored it and ran to my babys door.

It was those few moments which where the worst. Not even the small moment where i sat in the skatinf car helpless realising we was going to inveitably crash was as scary as this. I thought she was going to be dead. I thought her side of the car had smashed just like mine. I expected to see her unconscious covered in glass. All the sudden it hit me that i may not have my baby anymore. It was so distressing.

Luckily, i dont know how, the car managed to miss her side (passanger side) entirely. She was in shock and distraught but unharmed. But those moments when i took her out and didnt know what happened where so frightening. I didnt even realise my arm was dripping in blood or that i had been injured.

Whenever im left to my thoughts or i close my eyes my mind constantly replays it all. The fact that was we so close to both losing our lives. Being so defenless. The loud bang in our ears and being flung in the car upside down. I am so grateful ive come out of it with minor injuries and even more grateful that my baby is okay. But i dont know how to get over this. Im not afraid to go back on the roads i dont think ( its is a necessity for where we live). But the images of the crash keep coming violently back into my mind. I keep thinking what if i went the other way, what could i have done better. Yes we came out of it okay but it very easily could of not been. Should i have steered into the skid? Should i have emergency braked?

It turns out that it was nothing i could of done. I clipped a corner that was blind from being covered in leaves and something in my tyre broke and the whole tyre gave. There was no way i could of gained control of the car but could i have approached it better? Its so scary that this wasnt caused by me ( if you get what i mean) or anyone else but just by a fault in the car. The corner i was on was tight and many people have clipped and bounced of it. It is also ontop of a hill leading on an A road and i was worried we was going to get straight down it into oncoming traffic or someone walking by.

How do move on from this?

That sounds so scary OP.

You need to be very frank with your DP that you're not ok. I would try and make an appointment with your GP too, if only that they can monitor how you're doing. They may refer you for counselling and you may be on a waiting list.

I know it sounds impossible, but you need to sleep, do light exercise (walking outside), eat healthily, not have stress and rest. And feel supported. Your DP needs to step in here to facilitate this, but he won't know what to do if he's not told (assuming he doesn't work with psychological trauma). Don't pretend you're fine. Cry if you feel like crying, even in front of DP. He sees you being "normal" and thinks you're fine other than physical injuries. Show him you're not.

Is there anybody - family member perhaps - who could come and stay with you at least tor a few days? I'm someone who doesn't have anybody like that, but I know it's a massive help in crisis times if there is someone.

It might help to know that there's a therapy called EMDR that works very well for single-incident traumas (ie a car crash). It's maybe too early right now, but for the future, if the stress symptoms persist.

Also worth remembering that you went through a massive, life-threatening incident. This isn't like bumping into an ex at the park. It's bigger than our brains can comprehend, it takes time for the brain to process it. Your brain is working exceptionally hard right now to do this. Anything you can do to rest in the next few days (hard with a baby, I know) can help.

How terrifying for you, no wonder you’re struggling.
I saw a shocking car crash outside my dcs school a few weeks ago with a car pulling out of the junction in front of another going straight. The one going straight heading towards me flew into the air, flipped over then rolled over and over and over before coming to rest against the school field hedge. I only realised 2 weeks later that it landed facing the opposite direction to what it was going in.
Thankfully nobody was badly hurt, in fact the 2 people involved barely had a scratch on them but even just seeing that happen left me shocked. Your accident sounds similar even though there were no other cars involved so I’m not at all surprised so upset by it. I think a driving course as a pp suggested is a great idea. Even if you couldn’t have changed the outcome this time it may give you more confidence in general.
Do you think you could tell your Dh that you’re not ok? It’s hardly surprising that you aren’t.

Thank goodness you were both basically Ok, it sounded horrific. I was also involved in an horrific car accident 10 years ago and I still get the odd flashback. I was driving normally with my son next to me and a lorry just swerved across my path and I ploughed into its side. taken to hospital, like you I thought my son would be dead, (I actually remember thinking that with horror). It took a lot of time to get back any confidence driving and i kept getting flashbacks. Its like I would be driving over a bridge and just imagined the car losing control and going over the edge. constanly thinking about the worst case scenario. It did lessen in the end, and I'm pretty ok now, but it really takes time.

Oh that sounds terrifying you poor thing!

What helped me after a similar incident was doing a driving course and making sure my children had the safest extended rear facing carseats I could get as it gave me some peace of mind that I had done the best I could to keep us all safe should anything happen in the future.

It might also be worth going for counselling if you feel it’s affecting your mental health and please ask for support from your family and friends over the next few days if you need it.

@abbey44 - I did this!

I had a somewhat similar experience to the OP, driving on rural roads in the middle of winter in Northern Scotland about 20 years ago. I hit black ice and the car flipped.

After I had got over the initial shock, I realised that the thing I found the most frightening was the lack of control, so I resolved to overcome that.

I had about two or three lessons on a skid pan with a police instructor - which I thoroughly enjoyed, btw - and then went on to get my advanced driver's licence.

I am a BRILLIANT driver, have never had an accident since and thoroughly enjoy driving, to the extent that I also have a commercial Class 2 (rigid body) licence and have done some commercial driving.

I highly recommend it.

You need to get back in a car and drive and keep doing it.

i had a bad accident a few years ago and due to circumstances (didn't have my own car at the time/ lived in central London) I didn't drive much afterwards. Driving then became a massive phobia for me and I would do all sorts of things to avoid it.

I now have my own car again and whilst I'm still nervous on fast dual carriage way I'm much happier driving than I have been for years.

@Goang54 people in my experience will always try and help I know there is a bit of a general view of people walking by but people surprise us, don’t underplay your reaction, you went into fight mode and not everybody does, you’ll still be full of adrenaline for a few days before your brain starts to process it, honestly you did amazing, be kind to yourself. X

@FAQs thank you for your kind words. I really dont know if i did my best by myself and my dc in the moment. Im not sure if i did enough to consider it fight mode.

It is heart warming to know people can come together to help.

Thank you everyone else for sharing your own traumas as i know you are bound to relive it to some sort of degree when recalling it. In a strange way it is comforting to need feel alone in this shock as obviously dc is too young to really take it in, i feel so isolated in my experience.

Uunfortunately dp cannot take another day off work. I am just going to try and brave through the day.

The next car i will be looking for will be a newer model with a safer studier build. I will also take on board the ideas of a driving school. You can never be too safe on the roads. My circumstance means that really i need to be driving as as soon as possible to get around as theres is no public transport where I live. Part of me isnt scared and actually misses my freedorm that my car brought to me but the other part of me never wants my dc to go on the road again , which i know is not reasonable

Hi all. Im really struggling today so thought i'd post on here. Dp has gone back to work and my mind keeps replaying the incident. Its lime horrible intrusive thoughts and i cant stop reliving it. Posting on here really helps me to place my feelings down.

It isnt helping that dps parents keep referring to their own car accident that really was nothing in compared to what i went through. I just cant stop thinking of if i should of drove into the skid and how i knew that but didnt do it. If i did would things have been better or worse? Because i dont even think a collision with another car would of been as fatal or come with as much risk and being flipped over. Ive just found shards of glass in my belongings which where in the back of the car with my baby. That has just made it really hit close to home how easily any of that glass could of come in contact with her.

Everyone is living life normally and trying to get me to be normal and i just cant right now

I had a traumatic incident a couple of weeks ago and all I’ll say is it will take time. You’re likely still in shock, the intrusive thoughts will dwindle.

If you find you’re still obsessing or feel like you’re suffering PTSD, get therapy. I’m glad you’re ok, it sounds terrifying.

With time that is. In a few weeks, a month maybe . You know yourself best.

Oh poor you OP. Do you have funds that you could access private counselling? Otherwise could you try a referral? You sound completely traumatised and I don't blame you, I'm not sure 'time' is going cut it here.

Have a look at the havening technique video by Paul McKenna on YouTube. It's EMDR therapy and can be really helpful for calming your mind and the emotional response to a memory in relation to specific traumatic events like this. It might help you feel a bit better today.

Of course you are reliving the accident, it only just happened. Your brain keeps replaying it in order to be able to process it and then file it in your memory.

You should find that over time it was happen a bit less often, in the meantime look up grounding techniques that make use of your senses to help you feel safe. Keep reassuring yourself that you are home, you are safe now and allow your brain to process what has happened.

There are therapies for this but that will only be if you get stuck with the flashbacks and the vast majority of people recover without it.
Look after yourself

Thanks everyone

My bones are clicking alot and im getting alot of tension in them. Ive also got a knot in my neck. I feel so fragile and as if my bones are really brittle atm and that my whole body is out of alignment. I feel lime i really need a good cry and just to stay in bed but for some reason i cant cry and of course cant stay in bed. I hate the fact that life is forcing me to just get on with things and be okay.

I just want for once to be able to not be okay

Have you been properly checked out for injuries by the hospital?
You say you can't look after your daughter properly because you are sore, you say police and paramedics were at the scene but don't mention any xrays or medical checks after such a big accident.

I name changed for a different thread, but it's sort of apt here too. I had a big motorway crash, spun over 4 lanes and back by a lorry hitting me at 70mph, 5 months ago and wasn't checked at the scene, adrenaline kept me going for 3 days, I was in shock and thought it was funny - wtf?

When I finally went to hospital it was a disaster, no one listened to the facts of the crash (they were on their knees with 12 hour waiting times) and it ended up being 5 weeks until I was xrayed which was too late, so I needed MRIs and I'm now awiting surgery on my shoulder and hip. I dont know if these could have been prevented if I'd been treated more promptly.

But please, get checked out by a Dr if you haven't already.

@Forfamily123

Time. Flash backs are your brain processing it. If you are still having them after 6 weeks then see your GP.

Poor you. It’s not surprising you’re shocked and thinking it over and over in this immediate period; it’s natural and what’s known as an acute stress reaction. Be kind to yourself and recognise your current shock as absolutely natural and understandable

Now is the period to talk it through, understand why it happened (road conditions, car fault etc etc) and try and actively process it. Own up to feeling upset to other people. As @Forfamily123 says, if after six weeks or so you are having flashbacks (not just bad memories but re-experiencing it) and nightmares and/or your behaviour has changed (not driving, avoiding the location for example), much more anxious than before or mood changes that are preventing you from living your normal life, then that is when you might need to speak to your GP and be assessed for trauma. But right now it’s totally understandable that you’re going over it and having thoughts about what could have happened. Try to talk it through and get those thoughts out in the open. If everyone close to you is closing you down try and see if there is someone you can talk to who can help you articulate what you’re feeling but be patient with yourself and give yourself time.

@Goang54

Thanks everyone

My bones are clicking alot and im getting alot of tension in them. Ive also got a knot in my neck. I feel so fragile and as if my bones are really brittle atm and that my whole body is out of alignment. I feel lime i really need a good cry and just to stay in bed but for some reason i cant cry and of course cant stay in bed. I hate the fact that life is forcing me to just get on with things and be okay.

I just want for once to be able to not be okay

You are still in shock - the accident happened less than 24 hours (?) ago, and your brain and body is still processing what happened.

As others have said, you need to heal mentally and unfortunately, sometimes the only thing that will work is time, frustrating as it sounds.

What you are experiencing right now is TOTALLY NORMAL and you must give yourself permission to feel these feelings!

Two things, though: if you haven't been looked over by a medical professional, get that sorted asap, and can you bring any help in at all, even if you have to pay for it?

Twice in my life I've had flashbacks.

When I was 19 and rolled my car, like you. It took a few days to recover from the shock and flashbacks cleared after about a month. I can still recall it today, and I'm in my 50s, but its not scary. I just thank my lucky stars I survived it.

The second was about 7 years ago. I happened to be first on scene at an accident where someone had died (decapitated) and another died soon after. About 15 other had various injuries from minor to major. I handled the scene and calling of appropriate people myself and then, soon after, I was on my own as air ambulances, police and land ambulances descended. After 6 weeks I was still getting flashbacks when the Police came to see me with an official thank you. I spoke to them and they advised I see my GP for CBT therapy. I did that and during the 6 week course my brain filed it all properly and the flashbacks stopped.

Again, I can recall it now, but safely and without it being raw.

Good luck.

Look up Human Givens and book in for some rewind therapy

Time.
I was involved in a similar car accident on a motorway a few years ago.
The flashbacks and panic attacks do fade away - this is your mind's way of processing the trauma.

It took at least a year before I was vaguely comfortable on a motorway either as a driver or passenger. I've accepted that I'm not the confident driver I used to be and prefer to avoid motorways at night and in bad weather.

In a way, I think it's harder to process an accident when it wasn't your fault. What happened to you was so random that you can't even say 'well if I do X, then the accident shouldn't happen again'.

I wish you well.