My son is 14. He's been refusing school since around September. He's probably been 5 or 6 times since. He gives lots of different reasons such as he does not like the teacher . Or he feels anxious in the class. He hates the lesson. His reasons seem to change.
He has been self harming by cutting himself. He's been offered counselling at school.but as hes not going to school that's not happening. We have asked for help from camhs that was refused. So we have appealed. We found another counselling/support service for young people they are giving him 3 sessions. And that ends. As they are reducing their services. At the moment we have some support from early help but apparently that comes to a close in around 3 weeks.
My son has been very aggressive to the point he scares me. He's done things like smash up the doors in the house put holes in a partition wall. He's also verbally aggressive.
Recently the school offered him part time time table. To start at 11.15 . He agreed with this . Apart from the Monday where he wanted to start at lunchtime. The school refused this . But I really stood up for ds . As I thought this was better than not going at all. I agree its not right but surely a step in the right direction. His body language had changed and his tone. I really thought he was going to do it . So he went to school on the Friday. Come Monday He's refusing again I actually agued his point with the school so now it's made me look really bad and now he's made it impossible for me to have any valued say in a meeting that's going to happen in a few days.
Hes always asking for money to top his phone up. For food when he's out. Or just general things that teens often want . He wanted money Friday. I said once I know your at school I will transfer you money. Then on Tuesday as long as you have been to school on the Monday and Tuesday. I will top up your phone. But he did not stick to this agreement. So I have not topped up his phone. He told me how selfish I am . And said to me things like: "you only have to do a simple thing. It's like you want me to cut." He has said several similar things.
I'm actually frightened that because I'm refusing to give him money or top up his phone he's going to become very aggressive later on.
The school have told me there is going to be a meeting the local authorities will be there. I have been told I can get a large fine. Could get a tag or even go to prison . My son has told me he does not care. I'm told the law says its my responsibility to get him to school but no one can actually tell me how I can get him in school. He's 14 and 6ft tall I can't physically get him there.
I'm really scared of this whole situation. But I feel totally trapped in the situation and don't know what to do. My son just won't engage.
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My son won't go to school.. im in shit for it
Notoschool · 25/01/2022 10:31
@Notoschool
She also told me that ds can't go to a different school because in year 10 its near impossible and Another school or college will not take him due to his attendance.
When I have spoke to ds about leaving the school he has said the school he's at is a good school.
I will definitely look at that Facebook group thank you 😊
My son had a diagnosis of school anxiety from camhs and referral to tier 4 support.
His senco told a judge on ehcp refusal to assess hearing that she didn't agree with it "because the school didn't ask her opinion"
Is this school an academy? Ime they are worst for pastoral care and I also wa spoken over frequently and patronised. In fact they gas lighted me until my own MH was suffering almost as much as ds'.
Best thing I did was secure a managed move for my son. He was on trial when we had the ehcp tribunal and he stayed there for 4 years with it. They were fabulous with supporting his MH and he's a completely different young man now at 17.
My ds has autism (plus a genetic neuromuscular condition) so there were other issues at play.
But they have to understand how he won't get a diagnosis of any MH issues until he has an assessment by camhs and you aren't able to secure that. So ask them how they'll support you securing this to support your son moving forward.
@Notoschool
She also told me that ds can't go to a different school because in year 10 its near impossible and Another school or college will not take him due to his attendance.
When I have spoke to ds about leaving the school he has said the school he's at is a good school.
I will definitely look at that Facebook group thank you 😊
This is so frustrating because if CAMHS saw him then he would have a diagnosis! The mental health support for young people in this country is really, really lacking.
So sorry you're going through this. FWIW I was a school refuser for what would have been my GCSE years (I'm in Scotland). I managed to scrape by and made my own education path a bit later, and now I have a lovely life.
Mental health with teens is such a tricky one to navigate. There has been some brilliant advice here (apart from the unhelpful 'just force him' comment). I hope that something works soon and he is able to get the help he so obviously needs
I wouldn't deregister him as that would surely result him being forgotten by the system and he'd end up an adult without GCSEs which really restricts choices and employment possibilities.
There are children who don't go to school because of parental laziness but that's not school refusal and the services should know that.
I have no practical advice but lots of sympathy OP 
[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]@itsgettingweird
I'm a single parent to 2 children and my business was decimated by the lockdowns. Which I've discussed on here plenty of times.
But I dont see you coming up with an alternative?
The free help isnt there. That is a fact. Her son is not going to get counselling provided in the way he needs it. The choice is to pay for it or go without.
That's not a comment in whether or not it is right. But it is the way it is right now and fighting for changes and more funding isnt going to help the OP. That's the way it is.
I just dont see he point in living life and pretending it will all be OK and help will come and blah blah blah. It wont. It isnt there. They arent going to fund it more. This is how it is.
Either pay for help or dont get it. That's the shitty way it is right now. Or do you know something we dont?
Reading comprehension is going downhill, but saying how something actually is at the moment is not the same as saying that it should be that way so just bugger off.[/quote]
Actually I don't agree.
I secured all my sons entitlement to free help by knowing the saw. I could quite most of sendcop (all 292 pages!).
I was persistent. But I emailed everyone and quoted the law and asked how they were going to exercise their duty to meet those. At that time I couldn't afford to pay. (I could now if needed).
I even got an independent panel to hear my case made up of councillors within my county but not my la who had an interest in the issues I was experiencing.
One grown man cried and apologised on behalf of the government system for such failures.
It won't happen tomorrow and may take a few months. But it'll happen. And there really is no choice if you don't have the money to pay.
The problem is the school thinking a threat of prison will solve the mental health problems of a clearly troubled teenager.
In fact the only person who was less than helpful through all this was my own MP. She actually stopped me years later in town around the time of the GE and asked if I'd vote for her. She didn't bank on me publicly but politely explaining exactly why I would not.
Even less so banking on coming to our local special school for a publicity stunt a little later and walking in to find me working there. I smiled very sweetly 
And if you've been through losing businesses you of all people should understand how guilty parents feel for not being able to provide things for their children. OP really doesn't not need anyone else making her feel bad right now.
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