Help desperately needed with newborn

[Grumpetvoluntary]

My baby was born on Friday morning (so almost 3 days old) and I cannot get them to sleep in the next to me crib at all.

I've been trying to get them to sleep since 11pm but it's not happening. It's now 4:30am and my head has not touched the pillow once. All they want to do is breastfeed constantly. I can get them to sleep by doing this but as soon as I transfer to the crib the screaming restarts immediately. My nipples are getting so sore from the literally constant feeding.

My husband needs to take our other child to nursery in the morning and I need him to be able to function during the day so I've told him to sleep in the spare room to get some rest.

I can't bedshare- I would never be able to stop panicking in order to sleep. I've tried swaddling but baby just gets angry with it.

I need reassurance- has anyone else had this situation? I haven't had more than maximum 12 hours cumulative sleep in the last 7 days and I'm feeling broken. I can't continue like this.

Is your DH there tomorrow? If so, he needs to take the baby and give you a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Could you try a dummy if you have one?
Mine are much older now but my first was very sucky and made me so sore - a dummy sorted the not knowing if she was hungry or just wanted a comfort suck. If she spat it out I tried feeding her again.
Also nipple shields are worth a go if your DH can get some in the morning, just to give them a rest.
Tbh, I coslept with DC1 or I'd have gone nuts.
the early days are so tough.

My baby was like this too. I think some babies just are. I found it easier to get mine to sleep in cot in the day so maybe you can get some rest during the daytime? Or get your dh to take him between feeds.

My experience was I went a bit mad from lack of sleep until I started bedsharing - it was accidental at first because I couldn't keep my eyes open while breastfeeding but I felt so refreshed afterwards that I kept doing it.
I'd suggest reading up on safe bedsharing just in case you end up in same situation. Lullaby Trust has info and also BASIS.

Yep my first was like this. Things that helped were;

• breastfeeding help so she was latching on deeply and getting more milk.
• bed sharing (using the risk reduction info to keep it as Safe as I could).

Congratulations on your baby.

I cannot get them to sleep in the next to me crib at all.

^ this is completely normal, you were very lucky if your others didn't behave like this. Many babies (my 6 month old included) never really settle in them. I'm up again holding mine upright as she can't settle in hers tonight. For the first few weeks you're better off taking it in turns to sit upright, holding baby up. Get back to basics here....for most babies they are in total shock at being born and need to be on top of you, feeling your heartbeat and smelling you to feel safe. This is the fourth trimester remember. Enjoy the cuddles! Get your husband to look after you, so you can look after baby. If you feel you can't cope (ie not just an expression) he can't be in the spare room all night it's that simple.

I recommend following Lyndsey Hookway and Kathryn Stagg holistic feeding and sleep experts for tips.

My baby was like this and a dummy worked wonders. I didn't want to use one but after a few nights of no sleep I was losing my mind. I'd keep trying with the swaddling - it really worked with mine. I'd put something that smells of you next to the baby. I used to put the top I'd been wearing in. Good luck OP.

This is very normal and you are going to get through this. Look up ‘second night syndrome’ it tends to last a few nights. Worse for some babes than others, basically they’ve realised they need to learn to self regulate their temp, learn to be ‘out the womb’ and most importantly get your milk supply going, they’re a bit shocked.

You’re doing super.

Your husband needs to take baby for a walk for couple of hours tomorrow while you stay in bed to sleep and then spend the rest of the day there- feeding, cuddling, bonding skin-to-skin will help the baby settle and acclimate.
If you have any worries at all contact your HV /midwife first thing they will help you and provide reassurance/ guidance. They might do a visit to come and reassure you both you and baby are doing really well.
I’m so sure you’ve got this - my baby is almost 4 months so I do get it. It’s the hardest time. Remember they’re so unsettled because they are missing you, living in you, being close to you. Hard right now - but I think what an honour it is to be that baby’s whole world.

Take good care - you’ve got this xx

Yes! I remember this with my now 6 year old DS very vividly!

Your full milk probably won't be in yet and baby is suckling furiously to stimulate it. Could you wake your DH to give you a break? Waking an hour or two early won't harm him after a full nights sleep to this point. Then make sure while your other DC is at nursery that he takes over for a bit.

What helped us the first few weeks was to work in 'shifts' so we were both able to at least get some sleep and feel more human. Sometimes DH would have to bring him to me on his 'shift' to feed but would then take him back away and let me continue to sleep. This really helped.

Other than that - hang in there! It won't always be like this.

Sounds to me like you are doing an absolutely amazing job! Well done mummy xx
This is perfectly normal and nothing wrong with them not sleeping in the next to me by themselves yet. Babies especially newborns love skin to skin contact and is so comforting and good for them.
They will eventually sleep in the crib just be patient, we used a cocoon nest to help our baby sleep by himself in the nest to me only used it for a week or 2 and he always slept so well in it. Never was swaddled or given a dummy. But nothing wrong with a dummy or swaddling perhaps try that or swaddling first?

My baby is the same, almost 5 weeks old and still not sleeping in the next to me, the pram, or the various nests we've bought. Only happy on us. He'll tolerate a nap in the pram during the day being pushed, or sometimes with the pram rockit switched on, but that's it. Days are not a problem though.

Your husband needs to help out more. My DH and I are splitting the night. I get about 5 hours, him 6 and its getting us through. We've tried most things suggested online, omeprazol, hot water bottle to warm the cot, a sleepyhead, a purflo nest, wrapping a worn tshirt round his mattress, 3 different brands of swaddle sacks, gripe water, infacol, cosleeping, a pram rockit, white noise, keeping him upright for 30 minutes after feeds, cranial osteopathy, baby massage.......

Our first baby was like this too, the only thing that properly worked was sleep training, but that can't be done till 6 months.

OP, I feel your pain please make your husband help

Very normal, you could try swaddling or dummy? Maybe ask midwife to check your latch ? (Although constant feeding is pretty normal) make sure baby is fully winded.

Hopefully it's just baby adjusting.
If it continues long term you might need to consider reflux. Also you and oh will need to come up with a sleep plan. We tag teamed. So I would go to bed around 730pm and oh would bottle feed (expressed milk) I'd get up at 12am and take over. That way I'd get 4.5 hours sleep straight plus whatever I grabbed after that. Oh got 7 hours a night.

@Grumpetvoluntary hello I also had my baby this last week! Things that worked to put him down in this order:

• change
• big feed
• stop feed & swaddle with two blankets (one thin like a big muslin then a fleecy one)
• ‘dream feed’ - I carry on the feed with him swaddled, i feed until he drops off, wait until he’s really asleep!!
• slowly place in crib.. if he stirs add the dummy just to soothe him.

This mostly works, if he wakes up again I put him back on the boob and again feed until he’s asleep then transfer again to crib.

Get your DH to take him tomorrow and get some sleep even if it’s just a few hours. Xxxxx

Aww you are bloody knackered and sleep deprived and believe me this bit will pass but how do you get it to pass quicker is the question. Is a dummy an option?? If so, shove it in after a feed and get some sleep. Breast is defo best but are they getting enough and is bottle feeding an option? Whatever works and what can get you some much needed sleep. Xx

I am 8 weeks in and I promise you it does get easier, My little boy did the exact same thing. It lasted about a week and then improved

He goes down in the next to me now but at first I think he found it too big so we used a moses basket and he settled in there.

I downloaded a white noise app on my phone and played that, it seemed to help.

Neither of mine liked to be swaddled; it made them worse. I kept being told babies liked to be swaddled as it made them more secure; no, it made them hot and angry. And neither liked to sleep in a crib/Moses basket; they both preferred to stretch out. Why not try putting your LO in a cot without swaddling and see if that helps.

I know you said no to co sleeping. I did with dd as a newborn. I had an independent midwife. She advised me to have dd in just a nappy and put her inside my pregnancy nightdress whilst I slept on my side. I then had the duvet at my waist and slept in a dressing gown/cardigan to keep my top half warm. The other way was for dh to sleep on his back with dd face down on his chest. Idk if these are still recommended btw. But just to reassure you it can be done safely.

Whatever you decide, tbh your dh should have taken your baby for you rather than you trying to continue to function. Please put yourself first. He hasn’t just given birth and will cope with a short drive to and from nursery.

Have a read about the 4th trimester. It’s completely normal for them to want to sleep on/next to you. Also have a look about safe co-sleeping or talk to the health visitor about it. Breastfeeding lying down then leaving them where they’ve fallen asleep will allow you to rest/sleep much more!

When you’re breastfeeding you are hyper aware of the baby, even when sleeping. You will naturally sleep on your side in a c shape around them so they can’t move. Remove any bedding/pillows from near them and don’t have your partner on the same side as them.

Both my babies were like this in the very early days. With DC1, DH and I just rode it out by sleeping in shifts and holding her throughout the night. This lasted a couple of weeks before she got used to the crib.

With DC2 (now 7 weeks old), this set up was less feasible with a toddler to look after so we swaddled instead, which worked well for us. We bought some velcro swaddles from Amazon (Little Seeds brand) which are a thin cotton fabric and easy to use. We ended up stopping using them around 3/4 weeks as I found they weren’t really needed anymore - he was settling fine without them.

Hang in there, it will get easier in any case

So sorry to hear this, I had the same experience. DD didn’t want to sleep in the Next to Me and was BFing all the time until 4-5am where she might drop off for a “long” sleep of 1.5hrs. It was brutal and I was broken and traumatised from it. I did end up co-sleeping while BFing in a “C” shape as the poster mentioned above. It wasn’t that restful because I was still very anxious but better than nothing. My DH also held DD for an hour around midnight so I could nap and prepare for the night shift. Swaddling, dummies and white noise didn’t work.

I somehow blundered through and things only started getting better around 8 weeks when she started developing a sense of day and night. I used a Sleepyhead (placed inside the Next to Me) which helped her sleep a bit better but unfortunately that has been since proven unsafe for nighttime sleep. However I feel “safe” is relative when you are hallucinating on near-total sleep deprivation.

Lots of women might say it’s normal (it is) but I know for a fact I can never do that again. I don’t plan to have a second baby due to my age now but if I did I would switch to formula without hesitation. You might consider that as it’s quicker to feed and they sleep a bit longer. The “badge” of exclusively breastfeeding is not worth your mental health. I managed to BF but have no happy memories of the early weeks because I was so exhausted and broken. I had severe PND for a year afterwards.

Dummy. I used for first 6 months then binned.

Completely normal I’m afraid, you’re baby is only 3 days old and wants to be held. We had this for over a month with our DC. You need to work out a shift schedule with your DH so you both get a few hours sleep, one of you does the half of the night and the other does the second half or similar. It’s very hard at the beginning so you both need to take turns.

My second was like this. She was great at sleeping in the day, but nights were horrendous. I couldn't even take advantage of her day time naps, because I had a toddler who never stopped.

I did wonder about reflux with dd. She took a dummy for a while, which helped. I vaguely remember trying to prop her up in the basket too. She was also a bugger to bf,as she had the latch of a snapping turtle.

I think we drove ourselves mad trying to work out ways to solve it, but I think in the end, we just had to ride it out.

I would offer a formula feed at this point because otherwise a) your nipples will be destroyed and b) your baby will become too exhausted to breastfeed properly.
I would just do this once or twice a day while your full milk is coming in. It will not cause nipple confusion or rejection of the breast and can really help when you are establishing breastfeeding.

Don't introduce formula at this point if you want to EBF - it won't help. It's hard but baby is doing what it needs to do.

Midwife / HV / NCT breastfeeding support and LLL are all excellent for help & support so do reach out.

Your partner needs to be woken up and he needs to do some holding between feeds while you rest. Your milk will be in soon. Hang in there.

Laniosh cream helpful for sore nipples.

Yes both mine did this- it’s a very normal behaviour in breast feeding babies but it is so hard when you’re so exhausted. I found binge watching Line of Duty helped. Stay in bed tomorrow as much as you can!