Help desperately needed with newborn

[Grumpetvoluntary]

My baby was born on Friday morning (so almost 3 days old) and I cannot get them to sleep in the next to me crib at all.

I've been trying to get them to sleep since 11pm but it's not happening. It's now 4:30am and my head has not touched the pillow once. All they want to do is breastfeed constantly. I can get them to sleep by doing this but as soon as I transfer to the crib the screaming restarts immediately. My nipples are getting so sore from the literally constant feeding.

My husband needs to take our other child to nursery in the morning and I need him to be able to function during the day so I've told him to sleep in the spare room to get some rest.

I can't bedshare- I would never be able to stop panicking in order to sleep. I've tried swaddling but baby just gets angry with it.

I need reassurance- has anyone else had this situation? I haven't had more than maximum 12 hours cumulative sleep in the last 7 days and I'm feeling broken. I can't continue like this.

You’ve had some great advice OP. Handhold too. The first few weeks are hell but it will get better.

Do you have any other family who could take baby for a walk while you sleep tomorrow??

Unfortunately this is what causes people to give up on breastfeeding completely. Judicious supplementation at the beginning can be actually a really good way to set up a long term successful breastfeeding journey.

Aww no advice, but hand hold from me, I remember those days well, my DS1 was exactly like this, we co-slept in the end. Good luck OP, it will get easier, accept any offers of help.

A bottle of formula, dummy and swaddling worked for me at this stage. I used the grobag swaddles as I was terrible at swaddling with blankets and my baby would just wriggle out.

I actually ended up breastfeeding until 20 months but in the early days my baby just wasn't getting enough milk and was losing a fair amount of weight. They were actually too hungry and upset to latch and kept latching, coming off and screaming. I know it's controversial, but I found giving a bottle useful now and then to 'reset' things. It meant the baby could get milk easily, baby no longer starving, baby calmer and then my baby could latch and bf. It's about finding what works for you and your baby, but you haven't failed if actually you say you need some sleep at this stage and hand your baby over to your OH for a bit.

@LapinR0se

Unfortunately this is what causes people to give up on breastfeeding completely. Judicious supplementation at the beginning can be actually a really good way to set up a long term successful breastfeeding journey.

I agree entirely. Sometimes a few hours uninterrupted sleep gives you the strength to continue.

Just to say, don't swaddle and cosleep at the same time as baby needs to be free to move. Fine to do either buy itself though. I wouldn't cosleep with baby inside your clothing either, that doesn't sound like a good idea.

As for supplementation if you want to try, it's unlikely to cause longer term issues, the main problem is it can cause a loss of confidence in breastfeeding. If you find this happening seek professional help (breastfeeding counsellor, IBCLC, peer support group, midwife if not yet discharged).

If your baby is literally feeding constantly and your nipples are sore, it's worth seeking out those above supports ASAP anyway to get a feed observed to see if you can make any adjustments in latch.

Try nippleshields for the pain. I was on the verge of giving up breastfeeding about 1 week in and these were transformative. Continued breastfeeding until 1 year, weaning myself off the shields initially when feeding outside the house a month or two in, then eventually altogether at about 4 months.

I ended up co-sleeping but I do also recall my DH pushing my baby in the pram backwards and forwards over a leftover piece of laminate (to create a 'bump') in the hallway which seemed to work so maybe ask your DH to do that?

Thank you all so much for all the fantastic advice and support. You have no idea how much better it has made me feel to know there are other things I can try- you have really helped to lift the loneliness I felt in the depths of the night. I think I will at least ensure we have a dummy on standby for tonight and I will try a cellular blanket underneath the next to me fitted sheet to make it a bit cosier in there, as well as using an appropriately togged swaddle bag- last night was cold.

To everyone else who is currently struggling similarly- I hope things improve for you and your babies.

These newborns really do give us a run for our money- but they are so beautiful and it isn't their fault.

I suspect that last night my little one had some badly trapped wind- she finally let it out about 6am and we both managed to sleep until 9:30am so at least a bit of sleep was had in the end. DH has been wonderful and is ensuring I will be getting some much needed rest today/tonight.

Thanks again everyone

Yep. Fed on rota:. Left side one feed. Right side next feed. Bottle third feed. Gave 12 hours to recover. (Dc2)

The other one was feeding many times a day but less sore boobs. It was hell... But she is exceptionally good at sleeping and getting up now. And has been for the last 13 years. But yes those first few weeks were hell.

Apparently the kid would give up breast feeding if he had a bottle. Well he did. Had to wait two and a half years though before he decided that.

Can you still get colic drops for windy babies?

Oh and wait half an hour before putting down when newborn as they need a while to switch to deep sleep.

You basically hand off to your dh as much as possible and sleep in between feeds. He can even take baby on nursery run. For nights, I always handed them off to dh after early evening feed around 7-8pm ish. He held them or wore in a sling and got on with his evening. I slept til 10, woke for feed, back to sleep til 1am. Dh would walk in circles around the house to keep them sleeping. Then we'd switch and I'd take over from 1-6am, then dh would give me a chance to sleep after first morning feed before he left for work. You both can survive on 5 ish hours of sleep a night, so you just need to split that time as much as possible and while dh is home, baby goes to him between feeds and you sleep.

My daughter was exactly the same, I remember being on my knees sobbing in the kitchen after a week of cluster feeding - she would start at 10pm and go on like that until 5am, crying and not settling at all.

She did have silent reflux, and being diagnosed made a huge difference.

Sending hugs, it’s hard but it will pass - catch up on sleep wherever possible - that means DH needs to do his share x

I have an 10 week old who is like this, she's actually got worse: she would sleep lying down at the start but has developed quite bad silent reflux.

You're still recovering from delivering her, you need rest and support.

Things that helped:

At first at least, don't try to solve the problem of the baby not sleeping, try to solve the problem of you being exhausted. So: I'll try and start the cluster feeding early while the toddler is given dinner and bedtime then DH will hold the baby upright (she'll sleep in that position if held) from about 8pm till midnight/1am, then try to put her down. If she automatically wakes, then at least I'll have had at a minimum 3 hours. He'll then try and take her down first thing. We've also found (he's WFH at the minute) that she'll often sleep for a couple of hours on him in the sling in the day, meaning I can nap. When they're so v little, they're often happy to be held by anyone, so draft in anyone you can to come by for tea, cuddle the baby and let you nap. Even letting you scroll mindlessly on your phone can be restorative!

In terms of what is causing it, at this stage, I think its probably just a new baby thing. We got a white noise machine which helped a bit, and those gro snug zip in swaddles which also helped at the start, as did dummies. I've also found one of us keeping a hand on her tummy while she's in the next to me can help.

As time goes on, if you think its digestive discomfort, I've had some success with baby Gaia probiotics. And also, breastfeeding was great for me in figuring out allergies: my eldest had them so it was easy to spot by doing an exclusion diet. My next step is baby gaviscon, then back to the GP for medication, but we're at 10 weeks now.

I was a zombie with my first baby, who was the same, and I also couldn't handle co-sleeping. I resort to it at about 5am on this baby if Im in pieces, as I think I can do it safely but I'm v wary. However I feel much more human because I know the minimum I need to get through it and I know that it ends eventually. Good luck, you'll get there, don't think about things you 'should' be doing or ways to fix it, just focus on getting your own needs met and doing whatever you can with the baby to survive the first few weeks and I promise it will get better.

I've not had my baby yet but am due this week. I have the Next2me set up but it currently houses my laptop and other stuff (if I put the mattress in then my cat too 🤦🏻‍♀️) I have read so many similar stories on here that I honestly expect to be in your position too but I also believe in the 4th trimester and will keep baby on me as long as they want (try to sleep too?). As PP said, it's a shock being out in the real world for them!

I have a feeling my next to me will continue to be a side table for all my stuff 🙈

We had a problem with one of our twins when she was very tiny and we cracked it with my mum’s suggestion of a small Moses basket inside the crib. I think the wide space in the cot freaked her out but feeling cocooned did the trick.

At it again here. Her next to me is like a tease! I look at it longingly at some point every night.

Good luck OP. The fourth trimester is hard work...can't believe she still won't settle at 6m now but it's not forever I tell myself nightly

A dummy worked with my daughter when this happened. Otherwise get your partner to take baby and just walk around fir a few hours while you sleep. Baby has had a feed you need to rest now . But ....truly do use a dummy it was miraculous. !