The moments that made you realise your friends were fake.

[NoEffingWay]

I have had a few:

When I didn't get invited to her wedding and everyone else was.
When I left a job where I thought I had lots of friends and only 2 people kept contact with me!
When i got divorced and some 'friends' disappeared completely never to be seen again.

I have some excellent friends btw, not to say these didn't hurt but I wasn't crying into my porridge .

On a (slightly) lighter note, I have an acquaintance who makes a big thing about what a caring, sensitive person she is (she often tells people she cares TOO much). She always introduces DH and I to other friends and family as her 'very close friends' or her [Our town] family and invariably asks after our parents (especially if anyone else is listening), asking about specific ailments etc and asking us to pass on her love. However, she frequently outs herself as a bit fake. For example, we have been having a variation of the following conversation for about 5 years now:
Friend to another friend- Have you met Nans? She helps care for her lovely FIL. Such a lovely man, I must come and see him again soon, I always enjoy our chats. He has dementia but his personality is so bright it still shines through. [To me] How's he been lately?
Me- Actually he died a few years ago (or sometimes if I'm feeling arsey 'Still dead')
Friend-[wandering off to speak to someone else and clearly not listening] Aww, give him my love
Other friend and I [exchange looks]

When I finally got the courage to leave my emotionally unavailable/emotionally abusive husband, one of my group of school mum friends announced to me that they were all on his 'side'. They barely knew him. Not one of them contacted me in the subsequent separation, divorce or house move, until two years later when one of them wanted to meet up to see how I had got along. Funnily enough I decided to ignore that.

In hindsight I think friends can just be people who are for a limited time and reasons. That group wanted to party as couples or benefit from the loads of favours and services I provided for them. They weren't interested in my emotional stuff although I provided support for their problems. That was my role in the dynamic. Now I think very carefully about what I am prepared to give others so valuable lesson learned.

Cancer. Going through treatment and not hearing from some of my oldest friends after the initial "we're here for you, even though we don't live nearby we'll support you through this". A text every now and then to see how I'm getting on would be nice.

When I told a friend I had cancer and her only acknowledgment was that her hairdresser had cancer too but anyway she (friend) was really down at the moment because she'd split up with her boyfriend and she thought he was the one (three more "the ones" came along after that).

I was mates with two women from school-our kids where friends about 10 years ago

Both their husbands worked but I was a single parent

I spent money on them,babysat while one was in labour,did the school runs and took the kids home,supported them through life’s crap,ran around doing life admin for them-the list is endless

Then my world fell apart when I was raped by another friend

They turned on me-it was that bad I ended up having a nervous breakdown and they still didn’t let up-I was spat at,beaten up,yelled at in the street,had lies spread about me,bad mouthed me to my children,went running to my toxic family to laugh about my pain and even wrote to the courts telling them I was a slag and not to believe me when my case went to court-I quote ‘she didn’t realise she’d been raped until the cheque bounced’

I ended up meeting my partner and we moved over 100 miles away

Many moons later (just before this Christmas) my sons girlfriend told the police he had committed dv on her

After a lot of stress she admitted to the police she’d lied-she wanted to break up with him and didn’t know how to so had had him arrested so she could move out

My son is a gentle bear of a man and if she’d said ‘this isn’t working’ he would have helped her move

She put up a status on fb saying that she hadn’t lied but he had done it-with a picture of an arm coated in purple and blue make up to make it look like a bruise (I’m guessing she wants to save face)

He has had enough and put his own status up saying that he just wanted to move on with his life but he wishes her no ill will-just to let him go and let’s move on

The outpouring of support was unbelievable-and I added my own comment saying something like
‘Ah,the great kangaroo court,I’ve been judged many times-they say it so it must be true,I’ve never had a chance to put my side over so I’ve been judged,convicted and hung on the say-so of dickheads. Quite frankly the same people can just fuck off with their small minded minds and their even smaller worlds and leave me alone. Love you son’

The worse one replied saying that ‘many moons ago I was a small minded dickhead,I followed the mob mentality and I know I hurt you. I am sorry’

If your reading this k/m,thank you for believing in my son-for that I am grateful

But you as a person and my ex friend-take your apology,stick it up your arse and go shag a cactus

supported a best friend through a mental health journey for YEARS
involving the most fundamental of care- protecting her health wise and financially etc

I had a run of bad luck - bereavement, break up etc etc in a short space of time- she was angry I wasn't interested in her life and stopped talking to me
It has hurt more than my break up

When she told me I was off work for too long (9 weeks) after my hysterectomy. Because she knew someone who was back after 5 weeks. And when I explained that I had also had sepsis, she said I was making it up!

I have been friends with a group of Mums I met via NCT for about ten years. I have had some physical/weight issues in the past, but had taken up exercise in a serious way and had lost some weight and really improved my fitness. We decided as a group to participate in a sponsored walk for charity, covering about 26 miles of coastline. About five miles in, it became clear this was too challenging for me and I began to struggle. Instead of making sure I was OK, three of the group just walked on and left me (I will forever be grateful to the two who made sure I got safely to the next exit point). I felt awful that I had failed at the challenge, but also that they walked away without a thought. We still meet up semi-regularly, when it can't be avoided, but I don't see them in the same light at all.

@nansbigpants

On a (slightly) lighter note, I have an acquaintance who makes a big thing about what a caring, sensitive person she is (she often tells people she cares TOO much). She always introduces DH and I to other friends and family as her 'very close friends' or her [Our town] family and invariably asks after our parents (especially if anyone else is listening), asking about specific ailments etc and asking us to pass on her love. However, she frequently outs herself as a bit fake. For example, we have been having a variation of the following conversation for about 5 years now: Friend to another friend- Have you met Nans? She helps care for her lovely FIL. Such a lovely man, I must come and see him again soon, I always enjoy our chats. He has dementia but his personality is so bright it still shines through. [To me] How's he been lately? Me- Actually he died a few years ago (or sometimes if I'm feeling arsey 'Still dead') Friend-[wandering off to speak to someone else and clearly not listening] Aww, give him my love Other friend and I [exchange looks]

Oh nansbigpants, that conversation made me laugh... especially imaging you dryly saying "Still dead" and her not even noticing

@user1471453601

When I told friends/family that dd had gone haring across the road at 3:00am, bare foot and in her PJs to help a young girl who was being raped.

One friend didn't even reply, she knew my dd, who had taken her places because she didn't drive.

When I asked why, she said she was tired as she had grandchildren. I get looking after r children is more difficult as you get older.

But too tired to send even a cursory message? While dd spent most of one day giving police statements and doing photo fit stuff? Yeah, I'm sure dd was tired too, and emotional.

That doesn’t seem like something that needs to be text to everyone.. I would find that quite jarring.

I found out who really cares about me when we found out my husband has cancer, life has been incredibly tough lately, I even went through a phase of feeling suicidal and only one or two people actually reached out to us, I’m thankful for them but I was very hurt by the lack of support from some people, I really needed them and it’s like we just don’t exist anymore.

When my best friend of over 20 years didn't tell me she was pregnant, I only found out when she went into labour.
When I left my job last summer and the one person I thought I was the closest too hasn't really contacted me since.

@Mrbob

When I was suicidal and incredibly stressed and was overseas for a wedding. I was supporting her through a difficult situation and due to the time differences this was in the middle of the night for me but I was texting and on the phone all the time trying to help her (not reciprocated). When I got back (jet lagged and still suicidal) I cancelled a visit to her (she was all sorted by then a week later and back on track and out partying) and she told me I was selfish for not being there for her...

I recognise this type of 'friend'

Someone who had a child similar age to mine. Five years of friendship during which time supported her through very serious illness. Lots of days out, weekends away, and I was always a listening ear and offered practical support. We had to move away due to DH work. Fully expected some friendships (especially school based mum ones) to naturally drift apart but not this one. Genuinely thought we would remain very good friends. Sent a few messages asking how things were after we left and heard nothing. Was actually worried about her and thought something had happened to her. Tried calling but went to voice mail. Then mutual friend mentioned they had all been away for the weekend and had a good time etc. and they had missed me!

Clearly just not interested in maintaining friendship now that I'm out of sight. Oh well...

It's actually been interesting to see who has kept in touch. Not always the ones you think!

Ooh I have a few of these…

The one that hurt the most was when my 2 closest friends who were sisters started to distance themselves from me when I was pregnant. They visited once when my DD was born and then I never heard from them again. They both didn’t have kids at the time, but to be cut off like that was so cold, I tried to reach out but they weren’t interested. Was so weird, I thought we were such good friends and have no idea why it happened.

Another time was when my friend got mad when I said I couldn’t come to her 30th birthday party, because I didn’t want to leave my husband who had had a stroke the month prior, and days before lockdown was announced when covid was rife in March 2020. Haven’t heard from her since, thank God.

More recent time was when I was made redundant last year, some people I thought were friends I’ve never heard from again since leaving. You live and learn.

I realised last week that i was a very late addition to a WhatsApp group of

@Ameanstreakamilewide

I realised last week that i was a very late addition to a WhatsApp group of

Too hasty!

I found out that i was a very late addition to a WhatsApp group of only 4 friends.

I think they started the group in 2019. So to say that I was miffed is an understatement.

I used to be very close to my brothers then girlfriend-wed speak at least 4/5 times a day on the phone,endless texts and we’d have coffee at least 3 times a week-I classed her as my bestie

We went through a lot as friends but she was there for me as I was for her

She was the type to dream about her wedding day and all the trimmings

I’ve never wanted to get married at all-I just don’t want to

She was with my brother for 7 years and nagged him endlessly to pop the question,which he did after 3 years just to shut her up-but then she started nagging to set the date

She really wanted me to be chief bridesmaid and for my kids to be flower girls/pageboys

Anyway he finally caved and they set a date

I didn’t hear a thing from her in the year it took to plan the big day-we rocked up at the register office and she ignored me,apart from to say in a snide voice that she was sorry she hadn’t been in touch-she had been busy

We where ignored all day by the bride,the groom,her family and her other friends-the grooms mates where fine-and we left the evening do when it ended and went home leaving an expensive present for them

I’ve not spoken a word to either of them since-I’m told it’s because I was single (at the time) and now I have a partner,she’ll be in touch once I have a ring on my finger (and that my present was ‘cheap tat’)

She’ll be waiting a long bloody time-that ship sailed a long time ago

When I heard absolutely nothing through kickdown. I'm single and live alone. It was awful. But apparently a text was too much. It was an eyeopener. I get that people don't have the same headspace as before, but I wasn't looking for long phone calls or text exchanges. Just to feel less invisible.

*lockdown obviously.

Best friend from school. We were really close, went on holiday together, I supported her through various shit relationships, I travelled from the other end of the country the week before my university finals to go to her 21st as she begged me and said it wouldnt be the same without me there. A couple of years later after I lost my mother to a traumatic illness I was having a terrible time and asked her to please come and stay with me for a weekend (I lived about an hour away), to have some fun and cheer me up. She said she couldn’t as she was seeing her boyfriend (saw him every weekend, was not for anything special). I asked could she please come, it would really mean a lot, she just laughed and said ‘come on, you know I’m selfish’. I’m sorry to say I remained friends with her for a couple of years after this little gem, until I finally saw the light.

When I discovered my ex had cheated and he left, I was alone with a 16 month child. I got a really bizarre message from one "friend" telling me I had to stop being a victim and she hated it when women acted as such.

My world had been turned upside down. I had no home, living off pennies - I could have done with a bit of kindness.

Then when I looked back i realised she had often made snide comments about me, that I'd just thought was her odd blunt humour. Think she actually disliked me.

Chopped her out of my life.

Cut the strings with a couple of others who befriended the other woman within days of our break up and told me how lovely she was. Ffs.

I had three friends from uni. Four of us were very close knit. All attended each other's weddings, supported each other through lots, and have similar aged kids.

We all lived spread out a bit and generally met up in small groups as and when, but every three months we have a big get together in one of the houses or gardens. All of us, all the blokes and all the kids. It was crazy, but fun. DH often worked away so didn't always come with us, but did when he was home.

DH and I went through a bad time and very briefly split up. Two of the other three decided not to invite me to the next two get togethers, they actually went as far as setting up a second WhatsApp group that I wasn't added to. The first one was kept completely off social media so I just assumed that appalling weather (was meant to be a BBQ) had knocked it off, but I knew when the second one was. The third one ended up awkwardly telling me when I mentioned it that the other two had decided that they didn't want to invite a single woman. I messaged the other two and they confirmed that they didn't think it was "appropriate" to invite a single woman to hang out with their husbands, but they would let me know when the next girly night was.

When they found out a that DH and I were back together I got a text saying "Hey. Are you guys free on Saturday to come to X's? X and Y (their kids) have really missed your kids and would love to see them!" I didn't reply and haven't bothered with them since.

I got injured and apart from a few texts about how I was nothing for 3 months then texts once to ask if he could swap some shifts.

I texted him a couple of months later to ask how he was. No reply.

Next!