The moments that made you realise your friends were fake.

[NoEffingWay]

I have had a few:

When I didn't get invited to her wedding and everyone else was.
When I left a job where I thought I had lots of friends and only 2 people kept contact with me!
When i got divorced and some 'friends' disappeared completely never to be seen again.

I have some excellent friends btw, not to say these didn't hurt but I wasn't crying into my porridge .

Divorce, when all the friends disappeared after finding out he left.

When I sent a message saying my mum had had a stroke, she was going to be allowed home but I was finding it all overwhelming. I got vague messages of ‘hope it’s ok.’

The same people who I had supported through the death of parents, divorce due to an unfaithful partner, family illness and children running away. Apparently not one felt I might appreciate a coffee or even a phone call.

Supported a friend for years after an awful event in her life.
Was a shoulder for her to cry on.babysitting her kid,my husband and sons doing DIY and gardening....was told by another friend of hers about some good news....friend said dont let on I told you because she is keeping it private and only telling friends.
She never did tell me her news...I backed off because I thought maybe she was using me and my family and we were not any use unless we felt sorry for her.

Phoned a friend to say I had cancer....her reply,come and see me when you feel better.

@NoEffingWay not being invited to a wedding is a financial decision not a measure of what someone thinks of you. The budget is the budget and the venue holds a max number of people. I remember a person I thought was a friend being totally lacking in any understanding about why she wasn’t invited to my wedding. I had ten spaces for friends and she didn’t really know anyone else there. To be honest she was so ducked off about it I just realised she wasn’t a friend.!

When I told friends/family that dd had gone haring across the road at 3:00am, bare foot and in her PJs to help a young girl who was being raped.

One friend didn't even reply, she knew my dd, who had taken her places because she didn't drive.

When I asked why, she said she was tired as she had grandchildren. I get looking after r children is more difficult as you get older.

But too tired to send even a cursory message? While dd spent most of one day giving police statements and doing photo fit stuff? Yeah, I'm sure dd was tired too, and emotional.

I reached out to 4 friends over Christmas when I spent 5 days just sitting on the sofa sobbing for no particular reason

They all know I have lots of challenges in my life yet I've still been the one supporting them and I've never once said I was having a hard time coping -this was the first time I let the mask slip so to speak

Still not heard from 3 of them

I seem to be the glue in friendship groups that keeps it going. If I don’t bother making contact things can really drift, yet no one bothers to check in if I go quiet for a few weeks.

Similar to others really. "Friend" who is always on the ozone when her life is in crisis begging me to go round but is never there for me. I have had every excuse under the sum why she can't come to me to do with anxiety and other reasons. But she can go out drinking and to festivals at the drop of a hat with others. I stopped contacting her to check in...not heard a word from her since

Left a job where I thought I had good friends...not heard from a single one

I don't really have friends anymore. When I stopped being endlessly available for favours people vanished.

When a 'friend' I had known since childhood, (who constantly offloaded her exhausting dramas on me and was forever sniping about others) was unable to support me in dire circumstances (sudden death of closest loved one) and told me I had lost the plot. The realisation that she was no friend at all was a wonderful freedom from her toxicity. I don't miss her at all which speaks volumes.

When I was suicidal and incredibly stressed and was overseas for a wedding. I was supporting her through a difficult situation and due to the time differences this was in the middle of the night for me but I was texting and on the phone all the time trying to help her (not reciprocated).
When I got back (jet lagged and still suicidal) I cancelled a visit to her (she was all sorted by then a week later and back on track and out partying) and she told me I was selfish for not being there for her...

When I announced that DH proposed, best friend who is also my cousin literally disappeared. I invited her to the engagement party, she turned up at 9pm instead of 6pm and went off an hour later to party with her not so close friends. She's been there for all her not so close friends, not so close relatives, colleagues and everyone else like the local milk man etc being bridesmaids, travelling abroad for weddings, travelling to all parts of the country to attend other peoples weddings and baby showers but she couldn't even manage more than hour at my event where she lives 20 mins away. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years. I've supported her when we went to uni paying all of the rent because she couldn't afford (house shared), driving her to her pt job so she can receive an income and did a lot of things. I didn't deserve this but it's her loss. I hope she's happy with her own fake ass friends.

@5zeds oh no, this was not financially led at all. She had decided not to invite me, and then avoided me forever after. Was a bit strange!

I went through quite a traumatic event during my A-levels that caused my mental health to struggle, most of my friends were suddenly avoiding me after I had been there for them through difficult times. When I got better some people came back and new people entered. About 2 years ago now I realised I was the only person making effort in some of my friendships, ie the only one messaging people to check in first, the only one organising the plans etc, I was fed up of it so I decided to go no contact with all of them until they made the effort. Only around 2 out of 10 bothered to check in with me in about a 6 week period. Some have children so I can understand being busy but it takes literally 2 minutes to send an update text or ask how someone is.

When I finally had a break down after years of abuse.

Had the absolute worst heartbreak of my life around four years ago. Truly crushed, thought I’d never love again you know the drill.

My ‘best friend’ was telling me how’s he’s nothing, I could do so much better, how he’s such a dick etc. and that she had never liked him. Upon reflection with her I realised that yes actually he genuinely wasn’t a nice person and had some really questionable opinions.

Scrolling through Facebook a couple of weeks later when I was still absolutely devastated about the situation to see pictures of her and him on a night out together posing with arms around each other, dirty dancing style poses, touching and very very close etc.

That hurt just as much as the breakup to be honest.

Struggling with my mental health I shared details of my first counselling session with my friend. A few weeks later she had a bbq. It was going OK until one of her other friends turned up who I didn't know, she introduced me to him by saying I was the girl she had been talking about who's councellor had said x, y & z. She had clearly already told him about my counselling session. Plus she had announced these details in hearing of everyone at the bbq. She didn't understand why I was upset.

Hadn't spoken to friend for maybe 6 months. We'd been incredibly close for years - our kids were the same ages, we'd both had awful pnd and terrible divorces - she had lots of health problems, many of them due to historic (and more recent) drug and alcohol issues. Received a pages-long message from her going into the most recent intricacies of her life, ranting about why I'd not been around to swoop in and rescue her (and dc) from yet another calamitous drug and alcohol-fueled crisis. I messaged back that my dh had been having treatment for cancer which was why I'd gone under the radar. Received the 10 word response 'so things are a bit shit for you too then'. Never replied.

More recently I've been off work for some time with a fairly temporary but all-consuming health condition. I work in a very close team of 20 or so, not a single one has been in touch.

One woman who I went to school with and who I thought was my best friend, changed dramatically when her husband started making serious money. Suddenly, appearances were all she cared about. Her golfing, her Hermès bag, their spectacular penthouse flat with its private lift, her Club Med holidays (for golf, of course), her tennis club, her Mercedes... and her equally wealthy friends. No great loss!

When I was finally diagnosed with my medical condition after years of horrific symptoms and debilitating pain. I had 4 major brain/spinal/neurosurgeries, and never heard from most ”friends” again.

I realised my friend wasn't my friend when after years of going to her house and looking after her kids, and I finally had a much longed for baby, I didn't see her for dust. I realised that I only saw her if I went to her house. She never came to mine. So that was that. Sad. After 30 years of friendship.

One when she lied to me for years about a qualification and accreditation she supposedly had and insisted that she could handle a time sensitive legal matter. She couldn't and the delay cost me ££££.
Other ones were throwing me under the bus at work to cover their own arses. They got rumbled by management . Thay are now apparently aghast that I want nothing to do with them.
I am now very , very choosy about who I trust.

Ignored my 30th birthday. Said she was too broke to even buy a card. She literally makes cards.

I would buy things each time
I would travel to them 90% of the time
I was on eggshells about being happy about stuff because they weren’t
When they told me to fuck off for saying hello in a way they didn’t like there was nowhere left to go.
I felt hurt and annoyed and won’t be bothering any more.

In my 20s I moved to a new city for work and made 2 new friends. I was usually the sensible friend and over the years spent a lot of time supporting them emotionally and practically, including at various times giving them a place to stay, financial help, a shoulder to cry on etc. On many occasions I dropped other plans to support them but did it without question. Then one Saturday my boyfriend at the time 'Dick' basically told me that he thought he might be in with a chance with someone from work who he assumed would be out of his league but was showing and interest. He didn't want to break up with me but 'obviously' had to take up this chance so he wanted me to move in to our spare room for a bit and make myself scarce that night as he was seeing her and might want to bring her back. I called on my friends for help but friend 1 told me she couldn't help me as she also knew Dick and wouldn't want to take sides. Friend 2 told me she could meet me the following weekend for an hour or so but had friend 1 and her partner over for dinner that night and it would be a couples dinner so awkward to have one extra around. Both suggested I should go to my mum's (an 8 hour round trip) or book in to a hotel for the evening. Neither contacted me for over a month and then acted as though nothing had happened. Friend 1 contacted me a year or so later expecting my help with another crisis and seemed shocked that I didn't come running to her side.

When she stopped needing a wheelchair.

I’m a lifelong wheelchair user. I met a woman at a local access group who bad only been a wheelchair user for a few months. I kept bumping into her after that and we got to be really good friends. We were friends for years.

I gave her loads of advice about who to contact to get an OT out, how to claim DLA etc. But we also did normal friend stuff - pub lunches, cinema.

Then she started recovering. It was very boom and bust and I supported her but she didn’t think I was supportive enough (because I advocated for pacing rather than pushing too hard and making herself worse). Eventually she recovered enough to not need the wheelchair.

We arranged to meet up. She told me to book the tickets, she wasn’t worried about potential cost. I thought they were pricy but reasonable. She kicked off the day before and never spoke to me again, going so far as to post her half of the ticket cost through my door at a time she knew I wouldn’t be in.

It was like as soon as she recovered she couldn’t bare to be near me and reminded of wheelchair life. Looking back unless she was having a crisis it was always me getting in touch but I never realised.