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Original poster

“Have you got your figure back yet?” asked the MIL

42 replies

LadyHalesBroach · 23/01/2022 22:41

During family Skype. FIL chimed in with “well I suppose these things take time.” Last week he asked if I’d be getting back on my exercise bike soon.

I had a baby three weeks ago. Not three years, three weeks.

DH looked awkward but didn’t say anything

Luckily DD is 5 and doesn’t know what she was getting at, but that won’t last long and she’ll be impressionable soon, if not already.

I am so self conscious about my post baby body; the pouch, the stretch marks, the eye bags, the sore back, the hormonal skin. But it’s all par for the course and I am taking it in my stride, and was getting proud of myself for getting to three weeks and having a healthy baby boy. The rest can wait to sort itself out.

I feel so down tonight about myself. DH and I haven’t spoken about it but his parents have always made little digs and he’s taken them to one side before. Just not this time.

Fwiw I’m a size 12. Not that it matters a jot, except it clearly does to them.

Off to have a little cry.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 23/01/2022 22:42

Edit to add: they’re mid 70s, and I’m too -scared- nice to say ‘not yet MiL what about you?’

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2022 22:44

Congratulations on your baby. You’re doing brilliantly. Why didn’t DH say something?! They’re arseholes. There’s no cure for arsehole so I’d spend a little time with them as possible.

Theunamedcat · 23/01/2022 22:46

I was less polite when my (now ex) mil visited me literally the day I had the baby and said oooh you still look PREGNANT ha ha ha! I (was tired) looked directly at her rather rotund stomach she went red and said yes well erm and stuttered about the snow

9 years later she is still rotund and after initially regaining my figure I'm rotund too im pretty sure neither of us care

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SallyGoLucky · 23/01/2022 22:50

Congratulations on your baby!!

Your in laws are arseholes. And unfortunately your husband isn't looking too good here either. His parents, therefore he should be telling them to shut up and show some respect. Or you do it, but i personally would be absolutely affronted if my parents spoke to my husband that way, and would call them out it without a second thought, so struggling to see why your husband wouldn't do the same.

Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 23/01/2022 22:52

She can
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
OFF

No there isn’t a nice way of responding, what a knob thing to say. Of all the things they could enquire about - you and the baby! That’s a really scummy classless query Angry Try not to be offended by their remark because simply how could you respect them to even take it on… though I would be so upset not to have supportive in laws. Seriously who doesn’t just wish health and happiness, the joy at having a new grandchild?! I would shame them and say “well everyone has just enquired as to our health and welfare, what a silly question!”. Because it is a silly and trifling and ridiculous thing they said. It’s stupid really. They need to know - ridicule them for it. And tell your DH when you’re comfortable how you feel and why it’s so important for self confidence to you (who has JUST given birth!) and your DC.

On a very positive note OP I wish you health and happiness!! I hope you’ve been enjoying things otherwise and looking forward to all the fun you can have with two lovely DCs :) Flowers Daffodil

thebigpurpleone · 23/01/2022 22:53

Your husband is just as bad for sitting there like a lemon.

I0NA · 23/01/2022 22:55

I’d be busy / feeding baby / having a bath / having a nap during the next “ family Skype “. You don’t need to be insulted in your own home and if your husband isn’t man enough to stop it then just avoid them.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/01/2022 23:09

“The next time you squeeze a human out of your vagina please feel free to comment. Until then fuck off..”

Veryverycalmnow · 23/01/2022 23:14

Oh ffs. How rude of them! Next Skype could you conveniently schedule going out for a meal/ drink with a friend while your other half deals with the family Skype and baby? I think so!

Veryverycalmnow · 23/01/2022 23:16

Or if too soon for that kind of adventure, definitely time in a bath or have a friend over, or you time. Anything but the skype.

Supersimkin2 · 23/01/2022 23:18

Impertinent and dim. No doubt both your in laws are doubles for Beyoncé, right?

JackieQueen · 23/01/2022 23:18

What is it with people who think they can throw these comments at you with no thought for your feelings whatsoever! If you said something back you'd be the bad guy! So angry on your behalf op. Your husband should have spoken up straight away! Congratulations on your new baby Flowers

PermanentTemporary · 23/01/2022 23:19

Get good at a deathray stare, even on Skype. Just say 'Moving on to something less offensively rude...' and change the subject. Such as the baby you had twenty-one days ago.

shivawn · 23/01/2022 23:29

Congrats on your beautiful baby boy! I had my own one 3 months ago, no one has yet to comment on my postpartum body because that would be so fricking strange and rude! Not normal behaviour at all. Sorry you had to deal with it.

Cherrysoup · 23/01/2022 23:36

Just get up and leave the conversation. Your dh can explain to his very rude mother. 3 weeks, ffs! Is she bonkers?

Wombat98 · 23/01/2022 23:41

Jeez, I've never seen size 12 as an adult & I've never had kids, wonder what they'd say to me? They are ungrateful bar stewards & rude to boot.

RJ2022 · 24/01/2022 00:01

Your a size 12. It doesn't sound like to need to lose any weight/regain a figure at all. You just need to be healthy. If you have to exercise (and I don't think you do with all that baby lifting etc) then take up boxing and instal a MIL punchbag.

ClaudiusTheGod · 24/01/2022 00:50

If you don’t feel able to say anything, use the pause. I’m a big fan of the pause. Say nothing at all. Most people can’t cope with it and will quite quickly move on to some other topic. It’s very powerful.

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/01/2022 01:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AgathaMystery · 24/01/2022 01:04

@ClaudiusTheGod

If you don’t feel able to say anything, use the pause. I’m a big fan of the pause. Say nothing at all. Most people can’t cope with it and will quite quickly move on to some other topic. It’s very powerful.
Agreed. I have used the pause on a Skype with my in-laws. I was 4 days PN.

4 days.

Congrats on your lovely baby.

AngeloMysterioso · 24/01/2022 01:10

At Christmas my own mother made three comments in as many hours about my tummy (and gave it a little rub each time) two and a bit weeks after I had DS. I’m a size 8-10 and was already back in my pre-pregnancy clothes but she just couldn’t resist, all under the guise of “oh I’m only joking, don’t be so sensitive”.

Then she wonders why I don’t visit or call more often.

Bogeyes · 24/01/2022 04:15

Ask them why old people seem obsessed with other people's bodies.

Flittingaboutagain · 24/01/2022 04:27

Your husband is a wet blanket. I guess he's grown up with this horrible woman putting him down too. I would just say nothing and walk off and never be on the Skype again. It wouldn't matter if you were 12 months PP it's so rude!

Alfixn · 24/01/2022 05:06

@Backstreetsbackalrightdadada

She can Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight OFF

No there isn’t a nice way of responding, what a knob thing to say. Of all the things they could enquire about - you and the baby! That’s a really scummy classless query Angry Try not to be offended by their remark because simply how could you respect them to even take it on… though I would be so upset not to have supportive in laws. Seriously who doesn’t just wish health and happiness, the joy at having a new grandchild?! I would shame them and say “well everyone has just enquired as to our health and welfare, what a silly question!”. Because it is a silly and trifling and ridiculous thing they said. It’s stupid really. They need to know - ridicule them for it. And tell your DH when you’re comfortable how you feel and why it’s so important for self confidence to you (who has JUST given birth!) and your DC.

On a very positive note OP I wish you health and happiness!! I hope you’ve been enjoying things otherwise and looking forward to all the fun you can have with two lovely DCs :) Flowers Daffodil

Yup, the first four lines of this are EXACTLY what came into my head when I read your OP!!

Sheesh this is just so downright RUDE and offensive that I want to ring them and bite their heads off on your behalf and I don't even know you!

Of all the things they could possibly be concerned about - a beautiful new baby has entered the world and there's so much to be excited about and grateful for. So much support they could be showing and reassurance they could be giving, emotionally and practically. Your body has just done the most amazing and difficult bloody thing, is probably battered and bruised and healing, and how appealing it may look in fucking skintight clothes right now is one of the very least important things in the world.

I hope your husband has had enough time since the call to realise exactly how disgraceful and hurtful their comments have been to you, and I hope he gives them a call tomorrow and lets them have both barrels. If you don't get an apology I'd be holding your baby close and giving them a frosty reception for quite a while.

Congratulations on your lovely baby OP and please be assured that you're doing GREAT

custardbear · 24/01/2022 05:16

If they try that crap again, close the lid of the computer and let your DH explain why and not to be so rude to his wife who just produced a perfect human whilst they all did nothing whatsoever except a tiny contribution from your DH