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Original poster

The introvert at the party

51 replies

IWishIDidntHaveToGo · 23/01/2022 21:56

Please can I have your thoughts on this situation?
After a pretty rubbish Christmas I worked out I’m better alone and enjoy my own company, I know I’m an introvert.
DP and I don’t live together but we’ve been together almost ten years.
He has children (late teens).

Here’s my problem. His mum and dad have a celebration planned. I’ve long since been considered part of the family. They are lovely parents to him and I like them but due to my introverted nature I find it really difficult.
When his kids are with their grandparents they play up and it’s just embarrassing and I’d rather not be there.

I’m invited to the party but after the Christmas shenanigans I’d rather not go. DP would be really offended If I told the truth, so would his parents.

Should I throw a sickie or just grin and bear it?

OP posts:

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 22:00

Grin and bear it, it's part of adult life. I'm sure there there's been plenty of times when you've had to do this for various reasons.

Original poster

IWishIDidntHaveToGo · 23/01/2022 22:02

There have been stacks of times I’ve done it and it’s always been difficult.
Christmas was hideous and has made me rethink. Why should I have to go through these situations I don’t want to be in?

OP posts:

GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 22:03

What happened at Christmas?

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 22:06

I don't know. Are you going to tell us what happened at Christmas? You obviously think it's relevant.

Mrsjayy · 23/01/2022 22:07

What happened that was so bad ? If the children are too much for you either pull your sickie or go and leave early.

Original poster

IWishIDidntHaveToGo · 23/01/2022 22:07

I don’t want to be too detailed but his kids fell out with each other, caused a massive scene. DP is a Disney Dad who can see no wrong in them and they have never had any consequences for bad behaviour, so as almost adults they’re pretty intolerable.

It was a very long and uncomfortable Christmas with everyone avoiding the elephant in the room.

OP posts:

GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 22:09

Yeah I'd suck it up and go tbh then

Original poster

IWishIDidntHaveToGo · 23/01/2022 22:11

Ok thanks

OP posts:

Rubyupbeat · 23/01/2022 22:40

I don't know what to say, as I am similar. I really dislike parties, I become a shrinking violet, I would physically curl in a ball if I had to. This is even with family and very close friends parties. And yet outside of that environment I am socially very confident, I talk to anyone, will be the one to approach others for a chat, but parties make me freeze. I won't change I am nearly 60 now !!

LittleKitten1 · 23/01/2022 22:44

How long will this party go on for?
I think it would be a good idea to show your face (-and get in the pictures so that it is remembered that you attended!) and have a reason to leave early or slip away.

OverByYer · 23/01/2022 22:45

I think sometimes for family you have to suck it up. If it means offending DP and his parents I’d go for their sakes.

AffIt · 23/01/2022 22:46

@IWishIDidntHaveToGo

It was a very long and uncomfortable Christmas with everyone avoiding the elephant in the room.

Actually, on reading this, I'd say no, fuck it: pull a sicky or whatever you have to do.

They're all adults (or nearly), let them work it out between themselves.

Rainbowshine · 23/01/2022 22:49

I’d also be in the camp of show your face for a short time before it gets too much and have an iron cast reason to leave. I’d also say to the host that you’ll just quietly slip out of the door when you do go so as not to disrupt the celebrations.

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 22:51

@IWishIDidntHaveToGo

It was a very long and uncomfortable Christmas with everyone avoiding the elephant in the room.

That's enough to drive anyone mad. Are you sure you're actually an introvert? Because I wouldn't be labelling myself as one just because of that. That's something I think most people would struggle to cope with.

Owlink · 23/01/2022 22:53

In that situation, I wouldn't go. That kind of hours-long stress, even if only low-level in the big scheme of things, makes me feel physically ill. I'd lie this time, say I've got a cold or something. But I'd wonder how many more times I could be bothered putting myself through that, just to be someone else's ballast.

WhyAndWonder · 23/01/2022 22:59

Throw a sicky on this occasion.

CarrieMoonbeams · 24/01/2022 00:33

Hmm, are there others attending, in addition to DP, his parents and his DC? If so, I wonder if telling (a sanitised version of) the truth is the best way forward in circumstance like these.

DP and his parents love you. Can't you just say, to him first and then his parents, something like "I need to talk to you because I'm getting myself really stressed about this. I just can't cope with groups of people at the moment, so rather than make up an excuse on the day, I'm going to say now that I won't be able to attend."? That way you could maybe have a smaller celebration at a later date with you, DH and his parents.

Lollypop701 · 24/01/2022 00:39

You have a do issue… the kids are buggers because he doesn’t parent them.you know this I think. Sorry but you need to deal with him…

SportsMother · 24/01/2022 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saraclara · 24/01/2022 00:48

It's the kids that are your problem, not your introversion. It seems like you'd manage otherwise.

It's his parents' celebration, they've welcomed you into their family and you like them. They'd like you to be there.

The kids are not your responsibility, but I think your DP should know that their behaviour last time is what's putting you off going. Ask what he's going to do if they kick off at this celebration, and tell him that he had to prioritise this being a pleasurable event for his parents.

Then if the same thing happens again, remove yourself from the three of them, and talk to his parents instead.

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/01/2022 00:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Footprintsinthegrass · 24/01/2022 06:55

I think your dp is the issue here.

I'd go and show your face. Since covid I have decided to start saying no to socialising more and not forcing myself to go to things I don't want to as I'd rather be on my own at home or doing my own thing however if my inlaws were doing something I'd force myself to go

Rainbowqueeen · 24/01/2022 07:11

It sounds like it will be a large gathering so not just family??

I’d go early so they know you were there and keep an open mind. If you find some nice people to chat to stick around. If it’s really unbearable, slip out early too. But given how kind they are to you and it’s clearly a special event for them I’d stick it out as long as I could. Go into it with a positive attitude. You might barely see the DC all night and have a ball

Original poster

IWishIDidntHaveToGo · 24/01/2022 13:43

It is a DP problem at the root. We tried living together but it didn’t work out and fortunately I still had my place to go back to. When the children are not around we have zero issues but his and his exes parenting has left these young adults with an uphill struggle in life if they are to keep with their current attitudes.

Anyhow the issue is the party. It’s a small bash due to covid so only family. There will be no way of escaping, it’s either go and face it warts and all, or not go.

OP posts:

Starynight282 · 24/01/2022 14:14

How long do you think the party will last?

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