Private School or State with Tutor

[fucketyfuckwit]

Really torn! Need to make a decisions for DD (10). She is quite average at school, has never struggled, a little lazy at times. She's not exceptional at any subject.

We have 2 options

Private School - which we can just afford

Or

State School (not amazing) with a tutor maybe once or twice a week.

What would you do?

State school - just because you can 'just afford' private.

At ten she has got lots of time to learn.

If you can “just afford” pre prep, how are you going to afford private secondary school? Do you know the fees go up the higher the level they are studying?

State school, you may not even need a private tutor.

She is going into Secondary in September.

We can afford it (we only have 1). But would save us 15k per year in state.

She is in state primary now.

As an assistant headteacher who has worked in both state and private (now work in private) and have also tutored state children, if you can afford private then I would choose that every day.

Class sizes are significantly smaller, much more interaction between teacher and student, and teachers in private aren't as bogged down with paperwork as state which means they can concentrate more on actually teaching! Behaviour is generally better too so helps if a child could be easily led.

It's not just the academics either- independent schools aren't governed by the national curriculum so they can offer a much wider range of opportunities; trips, music lessons, and rightly or wrongly, lots of contacts into future industries through parents of their peers which opens up doors for work experience and internships ready for uni/apprenticeships.

Why don't you go and have a visit of some private schools and get a feel then you can make a decision from there?

Which school does she like and where are her friends going? Does she have the same access to extracurricular activities at both? Would she have to travel further to one or the other? All of these should factor in.

We're in this position too and we're leaning towards state with a tutor

We only really have one private school available to us where we live.

Most of her friends are going to the state school. I think 2 are going to the private school.

She has the entry exams tomorrow, but in still so torn.

Sometimes I think she does better at school when the pressure is off and the next minute I think she needs a bit of a push.

She will happily go to either.

If you are saving £3k a term on school fees surely your dd could have a tutor for 1 hour every school day. That is what my son has. The 1-1 really helps him.

DH and I both went to private schools so I think this is why it feels a bit of a default for us.

@caringcarer

If you are saving £3k a term on school fees surely your dd could have a tutor for 1 hour every school day. That is what my son has. The 1-1 really helps him.

I think she would hate me for this, that sounds pretty hard going.

I would do twice a week if needed.

State with tutor if needed. I went to private. My parents could just afford it and I didn’t really fit in because everyone else had the lifestyle to go with private school and I didn’t. I couldn’t wait to leave and went to a state college and preferred it.
State schools can be very good (I’m biased I teach in a state school).

It depends on the private school - many are quite mediocre.

… but there isn’t always the time in the day for meaningful tutoring.

School really is the most effective way of educating your child.

@Toofleloo

It depends on the private school - many are quite mediocre.

… but there isn’t always the time in the day for meaningful tutoring.

School really is the most effective way of educating your child.

The tutoring is more about giving her the opportunity to ask questions about things that she may not have fully understood at school.

She won't ask us, we find it very hard to work with her at home.

She has a tutor right now and she is confident in finding things to go over.

@squashie34

As an assistant headteacher who has worked in both state and private (now work in private) and have also tutored state children, if you can afford private then I would choose that every day.

Class sizes are significantly smaller, much more interaction between teacher and student, and teachers in private aren't as bogged down with paperwork as state which means they can concentrate more on actually teaching! Behaviour is generally better too so helps if a child could be easily led.

It's not just the academics either- independent schools aren't governed by the national curriculum so they can offer a much wider range of opportunities; trips, music lessons, and rightly or wrongly, lots of contacts into future industries through parents of their peers which opens up doors for work experience and internships ready for uni/apprenticeships.

Why don't you go and have a visit of some private schools and get a feel then you can make a decision from there?

Food for though thank you .

I was state educated. My daughter is in year 11 of a private selective school. I don’t know for certain, but I believe she has had the opportunity to fulfil her academic potential in the school she is in.

We do 1.5 hours of tutor per week with state. She went to private prep but the stress of just affording it was too much for us. She is getting on really well and I am very relieved we did it.

Personally I’d go private rather than a daily tutor. I honestly think that’s too much.

Once you've paid the fees, will you still have money left for other stuff? To go on family holidays? To say yes to school trips? Or will you be in a position where you're constantly having to say "No" because you've so little spare once fees are paid?

Private.
Tutor does not cover the benefits of private which for me is about extra-curriculars.

State with tutor so your child has a better chance of being grounded in reality.

I think you also need to be mindful that there's potentially more to this than just academic performance. What's catchment area like for the state school? Is it the sort of place where staff and students are at regular risk of physical violence from the worst behaved students? Or are we talking a school that may not be stellar academically, but where serious physical violence would be very much a rare exception?

@LilyPond2

I think you also need to be mindful that there's potentially more to this than just academic performance. What's catchment area like for the state school? Is it the sort of place where staff and students are at regular risk of physical violence from the worst behaved students? Or are we talking a school that may not be stellar academically, but where serious physical violence would be very much a rare exception?

We live in Cornwall, there are deprived areas in catchment but no real danger of violence etc.

Based on what you've said, I'm inclined towards private PROViDED you are not going to be putting your DD in the position where she's the odd one out due to having so much less money than everyone else. It's one thing to come across some people who have way more money than you. It's another if you're always the one kid who's not going on the school trip because your parents can't afford it, or the kid who can't have driving lessons because they're too expensive when half your classmates are getting cars for their 17th birthday.

@LilyPond2

Once you've paid the fees, will you still have money left for other stuff? To go on family holidays? To say yes to school trips? Or will you be in a position where you're constantly having to say "No" because you've so little spare once fees are paid?

We can afford it quite easily as family would help.

We have a good combined income but we are both self employed so it can go up/down.

We can afford school trips and family holidays. Nice car etc.

We spend too much as it is, so I just means we will spend it on more important stuff and not be so frivolous.

If paying the fees gets you smaller class sizes and (on average) higher academic standards, I think that could really benefit your DD. I think children like your DD can be the ones left to drift a bit in an average comp. They don't get the attention that comes with coming top. But they're nowhere near the bottom so they don't set any alarm bells ringing. They don't cause any discipline problems, so they don't get attention that way. They don't do terribly at school, but they don't do as well as they might have done if they'd got a bit more personal attention - the attention they might have got in a smaller class; the attention the teacher would have had time to give them if she hadn't hadn't had to put quite so much focus on maintaining basic discipline; the time the teacher might have had if she wasn't going through the same point for the fourth time with the kids for whom getting any GCSEs is going to be a struggle...