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Original poster

Blocked by friend

40 replies

Yummypumpkin · 19/01/2022 13:13

Trying to get perspective on this.

I've recently reconnected with an old friend.

She was going through a divorce and I've made myself endlessly available to support.

I recently had some bad news.

She didn't really engage with this.

I messaged her saying I didn't know what to make of this. I went further than I should and called her self centered. There is a lot of evidence of this.

She has blocked me on everything.

I accept and respect her decision.

How should I have handled this?

OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 19/01/2022 13:14

Well it’s done isn’t it. She’s blocked you because you called herself centred?

A580Hojas · 19/01/2022 13:16

I suppose not "gone further than I should".

Original poster
Yummypumpkin · 19/01/2022 13:16

I suppose either she blocked me for calling her out on something too painful for her to consider (she is selfish. Her dog is preferred to her kids as "real love")

Or.....she finds me unpleasant, hard work, something

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
Shapiro · 19/01/2022 13:20

She’s bogged down with her own misery and couldn’t cope when you had a problem perhaps because she’s one of those people that like the attention from their woe is me drama and doesn’t like anyone else getting in on the act with their own problems.

Or she genuinely cannot cope with anyone else’s problems as she is heavily weighed down by her own.

There are infinite ways in how you could have handled this, and every poster will have an opinion.

She may have acted in haste or it could be a relief to end the friendship with you.

The only thing you could do is to write a handwritten letter to her asking for a reconciliation but I would until her initial reaction has subsided which depending on how well you know her could be weeks rather than days.

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/01/2022 13:37

You could have avoided personal insults.
Sure, let her know what you wanted/ needed from her rather than assume she’d know how you’d like her to react (everyone is different, and it sounds like she has her own stuff to deal with too) but taking it to the level of personal insults is excessive and leaves her no way forward. What did you expect her to do, bury the hurt and dedicate herself to proving you wrong?

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/01/2022 13:38

From how you speak about her, I’m not sure you actually class her as a friend

Aria2015 · 19/01/2022 13:38

I'd take this as an opportunity to focus your efforts on friends who are supportive of you. I've had this scenario with a few people over the years, where I'm always there for them but not the other way around. I've never had the balls to call them out on it (wish I did sometimes!) but I have pulled back and distanced myself and stopped providing the one-sides support. Life's too short to have friendships with such imbalance. My efforts now go on my real friends where we support and love each other mutually.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/01/2022 13:49

How should I have handled this?

Not called her self-centred. No, she doesn't sound like a good friend. But you can't go insulting people & accept them to be ok with it.

Original poster
Yummypumpkin · 19/01/2022 17:46

Thanks.

To clarify I didn't say "you're self centered" but described how hurt and confused I was by her sudden distance following my bad news. I can see how this wasn't helpful to the friendship after reading your replies.

I also don't want to reconcile.

OP posts:
cardoon · 19/01/2022 18:43

How long did you give her to respond?

Rogue1001 · 19/01/2022 18:46

What's to handle if you're happy with the situation?

MrsGHarrison87 · 19/01/2022 18:48

If you don't want to reconcile then why are you worried? Just move on and let it go.

Original poster
Yummypumpkin · 19/01/2022 18:49

I gave her five days to respond. She calls me at all hours and I pick up so 5 days was a while.
Rogue - i just want to learn from this for my own growth and self awareness

OP posts:
Matbest · 19/01/2022 18:50

It sounds like you don't like her very much and you're happy the friendship is over. Only advice would be next time just let the friendship fizzle out rather than end with a fight as its less dramatic that way.

Rogue1001 · 19/01/2022 18:50

Oh. Then I guess you move on, unburdened, into a brighter new day?
Enjoy your freedom

Joined4this · 19/01/2022 19:41

There are ways of saying things and I try to trad carefully with friends. So instead of “You’re self centred” you could have tried saying “ I really value yoyr advice and opinion so I was a little hurt when you didn’t contact me after news that was very upsetting to me. I am struggling with that a little.”

Joined4this · 19/01/2022 19:41

Scuse typos

gamerchick · 19/01/2022 19:45

You basically let her know that your friendship is transactional and she has to return any support you give.

I'd block you after that as well. Sorry man. Hope your days get better.

flashpaper · 19/01/2022 20:31

@gamerchick

You basically let her know that your friendship is transactional and she has to return any support you give.

I'd block you after that as well. Sorry man. Hope your days get better.

Really? Shouldn't friendships be a two way street? I'd be ashamed of myself if I thought I was constantly reliant on a friend but couldn't return the support when needed.
onewednesdayindecember · 19/01/2022 20:49

You said ‘ I went further than I should and called her self centered.’ Then you said ‘ To clarify I didn't say "you're self centered" but described how hurt and confused I was by her sudden distance following my bad news.’
That’s not the same thing. The first one is a comment on her personality, which would be hard to retract. The second one seems ok to me, it’s just about how you felt.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/01/2022 08:23

@Yummypumpkin

Thanks.

To clarify I didn't say "you're self centered" but described how hurt and confused I was by her sudden distance following my bad news. I can see how this wasn't helpful to the friendship after reading your replies.

I also don't want to reconcile.

You said you did

I went further than I should and called her self centered.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/01/2022 08:24

@Yummypumpkin

I gave her five days to respond. She calls me at all hours and I pick up so 5 days was a while. Rogue - i just want to learn from this for my own growth and self awareness
For your own growth & self awareness, don't flatly insult people & expect them to like it.

She wasn't a good friend, you're happy not to reconcile so I don't think there's much else to think about.

EmmasMum12 · 20/01/2022 08:27

I think you know that it wasn't a friendship. It was a one way counselling service. By telling her what you thought of her there was an implicit expectation that she might change. She didn't want to or saw no reason to , so got rid of you.

MiddleParking · 20/01/2022 08:41

I don’t think the wording matters. Most friendships really do not allow for critical feedback on someone’s personality or behaviour. You have to accept that people are who they are. If you’re not getting what you need from a friendship then you don’t have to continue it, but no one is ever going to change because you have ‘lots of evidence’ that they behave in ways you don’t like. She’s not on trial.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 20/01/2022 08:44

Did she reconnect with you or you with her?