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Original poster

Can I ask for your school Y1 policies

37 replies

BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 10:52

Please.
My child who will be 6 next month was excluded for the whole lunch playtime yesterday due to an adult having seen him hitting another child. I asked my son about this and he said he didn't hit anyone.

I have asked for a meeting with the same teacher and want to understand what happened so I can speak to my son as he's adamant that he didn't hit anyone.

My son also came home that same day with an injury to his cheek. On pick up my husband saw this and asked the teacher and teacher said she didn't know what happened and my son said he doesn't know how it happened.

I feel it was a very harsh punishment and want to know what actually happened so I can speak to my son for this not happen again. I find this really unbelievable as he doesn't hit anyone.

In your school, will a child of year 1 miss out the whole playtime or is it a partial exclusion from playtime?

OP posts:
Rustyigloo · 18/01/2022 11:07

So can I just check........an adult saw him hit another child?

If so, yes in our school that child would be removed from the playground for the whole lunchtime. They would also be spoken to by a teacher and an age appropriate apology would be issued to the injured child.

DropYourSword · 18/01/2022 11:10

Please be careful not to be "that" mum in this situation.
By all means have a chat to the school but please do t go in all guns blazing demanding that your son is innocent. It's all well and good he says he didn't do it. But young children do not always tell the truth. Please don't assume your son would never ever lie to you.

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:12

Thanks for your reply.

Yes this is what the class teacher told me. She said she was only a messenger and didn't see this happen and only passing the message. I have asked for a meeting with the adult who saw this happen to ask what actually happened so I can talk to my son.

OP posts:
7eleven · 18/01/2022 11:14

Of course your son is fibbing.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/01/2022 11:14

If an adult saw one child hit another then yes they'd lose that playtime and probably lunch play time, they'd be talked to about what happened and the teacher would come out and talk to the parent at the end of day.

Did your DS tell the teacher he hadn't done it? Do you know who he's purported to have hit?

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:18

DropYourSword thanks for your reply. I am not being anything. I don't even know what being "that" mum means. I just want to know the truth about what happened so I can deal with it with my son.
He missed the whole playtime and was in reflection time. He doesn't know what he was meant to reflect. What's the point of reflection time if he doesn't know what he did.

I am not assuming anything. My son doesn't hit. So if he hit someone at school then I need to know this and deal with this properly. It is a severe punishment to be excluded from playtime and I should have been asked to come for a meeting for this but I wasn't. It was a passing comment by the class teacher which I took further.

OP posts:
Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:20

7eleven yes I want to know if he's lying as this needs to be dealt with too. I want to get to the bottom of this so this is not a repeated behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:23

SleepingStandingUp thanks for your sensible reply.
This happened on friday and nothing was said to him. The punishment was yesterday and I was told in passing by his lovely class teacher. Class teacher has told me he has never hit anyone in class. He's actually very bright, sensible and exceeds in reading and maths. He has a fantastic teacher who is very nurturing. Someone else saw this and told her and she told me.

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 18/01/2022 11:24

Good idea to try to find out more. But I would not say that it is a “severe” punishment to miss playtime. And unless it was something they’d seen before, the teacher might not ask you in for a meeting about it, if it was one off behaviour.

Fluffyhairteddy · 18/01/2022 11:24

Well it seems he does hit. Why do you distrust the adults? Teacher here and that’s not something an adult would fabricate in my experience. You should try and understand why your son is hitting. In y1 he’s certainly old enough to understand it’s not acceptable and losing a break time is perfectly proportionate. Imagine you were the parent of the child being hit!

DropYourSword · 18/01/2022 11:26

Happy to stand corrected if I've read your OP wrong.
Why I meant by "that mum" is a mum who couldn't possibly believe her child has ever done anything wrong.
I just got that impression from the way you say "he doesn't hit". Clearly he did on this occasion and it was witnessed by an adult. I've maybe misinterpreted this as you wanting to go into the school and arguing that he doesn't hit so he couldn't have done this.
I absolutely understand why it's important to discuss this incident so you can explore what happened and why, and provide your son with other strategies to deal with a similar situation of it arises again.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 18/01/2022 11:27

Missing a playtime isn’t a severe punishment, it’s a very common occurrence and certainly parents wouldn’t be called to a meeting every time it happened. I would just let it go, it’s been dealt with.

HeyBlaby · 18/01/2022 11:28

The title of this thread would indicate that you don't believe he should have received this punishment for hitting another child, why?

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:29

Fluffyhairteddy I am sure you have been reading the news recently on how many things adult fabricate.

Where did I say I mistrust any adults? What does trust have to do with anything. I want to get to the bottom of it so I can deal with it with my son. And I have been the parent of that child who have been repeatedly kicked and bitten. This has nothing to do with anything. If my son is lying and hitting other kids then I have to take responsibility and change this behaviour in him. I can't do it if he says he didn't hit anyone and I don't know what actually happened.

OP posts:
Fluffyhairteddy · 18/01/2022 11:32

Your words were he doesn’t hit. He has been accused of hitting. Hence you disputing the fact of what an adult saw surely ?

Bluebluemoon39 · 18/01/2022 11:32

I would try to find out more too.

I don't think you should just assume your ds is lying, the adult could be mistaken.

I once had a nursery school teacher take me aside and tell me very sternly she had seen my 4 yo ds "sticking two fingers up" and had sat him in timeout. I was very confused as this wasn't something he would've seen anyone doing and I felt it was something that was a bit of a "dated" gesture iykwim. After chatting to him and her together it turned out he was playing Spider-Man and was doing the flick-wrist gesture that SM does when he shoots a web! This made sense as he was very into SM at the time. The playgroup teacher was of an older generation and had misconstrued the situation.

It's never a bad thing to try and get to the bottom of these things if you think there might've been a mistake - just be polite and accept that you may be wrong.

Similar things happened to me as a child, where the adults view was just taken as fact and I wasn't believed and I remember it made me feel very resentful.

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:34

DropYourSword thank you. Oh no I am not sort of parent. My child does plenty of things and I don't believe he's an angel by any means. I have 3 kids and I know how kids are. I was just being factual saying he doesn't hit anyone. That's why I want to know what happened so I can deal with it with my son.
I don't want this to be a continuing behaviour if that's what he is doing at school and I want to understand if there are some other issues at play. I know for a while he was being called names and being hit by another child but this has stopped. So if he did hit someone and is lying, I want to know what happened so we can work together and it doesn't happen again.

OP posts:
Fluffyhairteddy · 18/01/2022 11:34

I’d suggest you go and ask for some more details of what took place. But to answer your original question: no - sitting out a playtime isn’t harsh if he hit someone in y1.

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:38

Bluebluemoon39 thank you. That's a great reply and that's something that's very possible that can happen. I just want to know what happened. I am sorry that happened to you, I am just trying to do my best as a mum and some situations are hard to navigate hence I wanted some advice here.

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 18/01/2022 11:42

Does he usually avoid trying to get into trouble? Does he have any SEN needs? I’d expect a Year 1 boy of 6 to be able to take responsibility so if he has lied he needs a punishment for lying. I’m sure some people will say that’s harsh but lying needs to be stamped out. If the adult is mistaken then an apology needs to come from school. If it was me I’d make it clear he’s basically accusing an adult of lying so he needs to understand that. A poster mentioning being ‘that’ parent is referring to parents who make a name for themselves with staff never believing their child will have done something wrong.

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:43

NotAnotherPushyMum thank you for answering my question. I understand it's not a severe punishment but for a 6 years old it felt very harsh. I can't just say the school dealt with it and let it go.
Hitting and then lying about it is not acceptable for me so I need to get to the bottom of this and make sure that my son doesn't do this if he did do this. And if the story turns out to be something completely different then school need to have better strategies for the toilets as there has been several incidents there (nothing to do with my son).

OP posts:
HandWash · 18/01/2022 11:45

Hi OP.

I teach Yr1 (currently off with Covid!) and you're right to find out what happened. It's unlikely you will get a meeting with the teacher in question, but absolutely the class teacher should be able to find out the answer to all of your questions.

If the behaviour is out of character, then there is most likely more to the story. Not saying that anyone is lying or your child is innocent, but I doubt he went from 'never hitting' to hitting another child for no reason whatsoever. As his parent I'd want to know what happened too; even as his class teacher I'd want to know what happened and why!

It might be that the other teacher only saw the end of the interaction and doesn't know how it started and if that's the case then you will have to accept that. But no harm in finding out what they saw.

LynetteScavo · 18/01/2022 11:46

He's actually very bright, sensible and exceeds in reading and maths.

This has nothing to do with whether he has hit or not. Even the most sensible 6yo might hit in certain circumstances, so what happens needs to be investigated.

I don't think it's appropriate for the consequence to take place on a Monday - it's too long from the incident for even a bright, sensible 6yo to be able to properly reflect on their behaviour.

Original poster
BmUZXC · 18/01/2022 11:48

1AngelicFruitCake I appreciate your reply and that's the sort of advice I am looking for, thank you. He doesn't have any SEN issues and exactly that's what I mean, he's old enough to understand and take responsibility so if he's lying then that needs to be stopped and he needs to realise how serious it is. Yes thank you, I understand what that parent mean and no I am not like that.

He gets in trouble all that time and owns up very quickly because he knows that telling a lie is worst and no matter how bad the truth is, he has to say it. He knows this. He's generally a good guy and very hard working. He's very mature for his age so I want to know what happened and work with him.

OP posts:
HandWash · 18/01/2022 11:52

I’d expect a Year 1 boy of 6 to be able to take responsibility so if he has lied he needs a punishment for lying.

I think he's been punished enough. Just a talk about how happy you are he told you the truth/he doesn't need to be worried about telling you the truth and how he could better deal with the situation in the future.