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Original poster

Lunch Etiquette

52 replies

Tallyhodavey · 17/01/2022 13:25

Yesterday, we had some friends over for lunch. We don’t know them particularly well but they are local friends. They were invited for 1pm. Lunch was lovely, and then, after coffee and chat I went to do some washing up and the woman joined me. 8 hrs later, they were still here. We had tried a couple of ploys- oh it was lovely of you to come etc etc, but they fell on stony ground. They very proudly told us early on that they’d been to a friends the night before and stayed up till 1am talking- they seemed proud of this fact which should have been a warning sign. A couple of times they said, ‘oh, when you want us to go, just let us know’, but I felt like, who does that?! It would be rude of me as host to tell you it’s time to go. Eventually I said I had to put our daughter to bed and even this didn’t trigger any movement. Eventually I said, it’s nearly my bedtime- I go to bed at 10- and they finally left. I just feel it was really rude to monopolise our entire day and that if you are invited for lunch, you should depart 2 or 3 hrs later. I must add that this wasn’t a boozy lunch- we all had one glass of wine with the meal and then moved to coffee. What do people think? Was the onus on me as host to ask them to leave?

OP posts:

Comedycook · 17/01/2022 13:26

Dear lord, that sounds horrendous

KStockHERO · 17/01/2022 13:26

Are they sex people?

LagerthaofKattegat · 17/01/2022 13:27

Do you missed tea/dinner!!

With hindsight you would have said you had plans later on or whatever.

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ShirleyPhallus · 17/01/2022 13:27

I can’t believe people are like this

Did you give them dinner?

I’d have just asked them to leave tbh

caz198917 · 17/01/2022 13:28

Oh my goodness, that really is strange! How can they not realise! I think if you invite them again you need an 'afternoon appointment' lined up that you have to leave for.

KStockHERO · 17/01/2022 13:28

Joking, sorry, lame. That sounds awful.

The onus was on them to leave. But clearly they didn't want to. Next time (if there is a next time) make up some excuse why they need to leave 2-3 hours later - doctors appointment, visiting a friend, personal training session, violent masturbating. Whatever.

ApolloandDaphne · 17/01/2022 13:28

My goodness that was rude of them!

dun1urkin · 17/01/2022 13:30

They were very rude, but you and your OH were total wet blankets to not boot them out.

The onus shouldn’t be on you, but bloody hell…. 8 hours…. you both need to learn to be direct

myusernamewastakenbyme · 17/01/2022 13:31

I have friends who i would love to invite round for lunch or dinner but i know they would stay until the early hours so i never invite them...its a shame but she doesn't ever seem to want to go home.

mugoftea456 · 17/01/2022 13:31

That's ridiculous! I have a friend that does similar.

No matter how many hints I drop. Yawns. 'Well I must get on's. It just doesn't work.

Now I just pretend to fall asleep on the sofa 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

MangoM · 17/01/2022 13:31

Incredibly annoying of them!

What happened with your evening meal? Did you have to skip it as they were still there?

JayAlfredPrufrock · 17/01/2022 13:33

I used to know a couple like this. Would come to a children’s birthday party then just not leave.

Comedycook · 17/01/2022 13:37

My sil used to do this actually. She'd stay for hours and hours...it would be getting to 6pm on a Sunday and I had to get kids bathed and in bed. In the end, I actually stopped actively hosting and just went about my day. Hours of my time were being lost making chit chat with her so I'd bath kids, do housework etc.

MyQuietPlace · 17/01/2022 13:38

I used to have a neighbour like it. When my kids were little, she'd come round (uninvited) and stay for hours - when my mum visited, the woman was still her, when the little one was using the potty/going for a nap/having a tantrum, she'd sit through it. I used to pretend to be out/asleep, so she then started shouting me through the damned letterbox!

I think such thick or rude behaviour needs to be dealt with in a direct manner - simply say "I'm going to bed now, would you shut the door on your way out" would suffice.

Poundlick · 17/01/2022 13:40

A couple of times they said, ‘oh, when you want us to go, just let us know’, but I felt like, who does that?!.

But in fairness, they had repeatedly signalled that they were asking you to do exactly that, that they weren't going to leave without being prompted, regardless of whether you think that's rude. They were essentially saying 'We don't have a sense of when is expected or normal to leave after a lunch, and we're happy to spend all day and night with you unless you explicitly tell us to leave'

Shapiro · 17/01/2022 13:44

You leave the room and pick up their coats and return holding out their coats saying, ‘Thank you for coming over I hope you enjoyed it, it was lovely seeing you.’

If there are no boats you stand up and have a hand on the open door to your hallway and say the above.

You need to be more direct in these situations.

EileenGC · 17/01/2022 13:48

I’m sorry I couldn’t ever do that unless someone had actually invited me for lunch AND dinner.

I normally make it clear that I need to get on with XYZ by 4pm (or whenever). I have work to do in the evenings, stuff to sort in the house… unless it’s a special occasion, I can’t entertain guests for endless hours on a normal weekend.

I’ve also been known to put on a coat as well and walk them to the bus stop on the way to the supermarket / tool shop / pharmacy, which I urgently needed to go to exactly at the time their bus to go home was coming

furbabymama87 · 17/01/2022 13:48

I would hate that. I have a friend that doesn't know when to go and what has been a fun few hours turns tiring and awkward, but even she wouldn't stay 8 hours. I find that really rude actually.

Original poster

Tallyhodavey · 17/01/2022 13:56

Thanks- we probably should’ve been more direct but I really didn’t want to be rude. We did miss dinner. Husband made some cups of tea around 6pm- but said he only did that reluctantly because he was so parched!

OP posts:

Original poster

Tallyhodavey · 17/01/2022 13:57

We did say- how lovely it’s been, thank you for coming, and really thought they would go at that point, but they did not! Husband said he should’ve played the Oscars music they play when someone’s speech goes on too long, as used to great effect by Larry David in the latest Curb Your Enthusiasm! I must say I won’t invite them again.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 17/01/2022 14:03

OP,

You were a bit silly not to move them on when there was an opening but people that rude/ thick are not people that you will probably want to be that involved with.

If you do again invite them, stat a time firmly on the invitation.

People like this are tedious.

dudsville · 17/01/2022 14:16

The long history of people afraid of being rude is strewn with casualties.

DickMabutt73962 · 17/01/2022 14:25

@Tallyhodavey

This is brilliant 😂

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/01/2022 14:34

I think if they’ve said to tell them when you want them to go, they’re waiting for you to tell them when you want them to go.

It isn’t a case of “who does that?” - this is basically how it works with all our friends, when you arrive you say “just tell us to fuck off when you’ve had enough of us” and that’s what happens. Nobody gets offended and nobody stays beyond their welcome. It’s much better than awkward hinting and nobody knowing whether it’s rude to stay or rude to leave.

femfemlicious · 17/01/2022 14:39

Wow so you didnt have dinner

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