The Biggest Shitheap You’ve Driven?

[Smokeahontas]

Had this chat with a friend…I think most people have had an A to B at one stage, some worse than others. My highlights

The Corsa that had to be switched off in stationary traffic as it overheated & the passengers side window that would only wind down so far or else it came loose & fell off the rail

However, my £500 Clio with no power steering & questionable bodywork never let me down. 7 years I had it & it started first time every time.

What are your bangers?

Had an Alpha Sud.

The floor was rotten. When it rained you were sprayed with rainwater up your legs.

Once lost a wheel going downhill. A family in a car behind stopped to help. When the husband used the jack it just went straight through the rust and made another hole.

Apart from that it was a fantastic drive - though long gone now. It's been my fave car up to press. Even better than my Porsche. (Probably something a lot to do with youth.)

A nearly new Vauxhall Zafira. What a pile of shite! Anything that could go wrong did. The electrics went not long after we got it, meaning my then DH had to walk miles in the middle of the night to find a phone box (before mobiles were glued to us so he'd left it at home) The fuel pump went, it went through oil really quick. It would randomly not go or switch off while driving (fun!)

We paid thousands for it, what a waste. Our next car was £500 (Toyota Previa) and lasted longer!

Ex also had a Vauxhall van which was shit. I'd never buy a Vauxhall again.

A very rusty Morris 1000, it broke down a country section of the A40 ( when it was just a two way road) in a snow storm. I trudged to a gatehouse where the owner phoned a nearby garage. The mechanic would come out after his tea. I trudged back to sit in the car, now looking like a white blancmange. Fortunately as the boot didn’t open I had my case with warm clothes in the car.
Second worse was a green Renault 5. Lovely to drive, but it caught fire and was destroyed. I’ve never bought a green car since!

I feel I’ve had more than my fair share of absolute bangers, but the worst piece of shit car I’ve ever had was a Citroen Picasso people carrier. I bought it when my DTs were 2 weeks old because they didn’t fit in my lovely coupe, and I was going stir crazy at home not being able to leave the house as I live rurally.

It all went swimmingly for the first few weeks then I can only assume that the sawdust worked its way out of the engine and then went bonkers. Was driving along on a dual carriageway when the dash lit up like a Christmas tree, the gearbox packed in and fault messages came up thick and fast. I limped on with it for a few more months by revving it like fuck going up the gears to third gear manually, slamming it into neutral and then whacking it in to drive to fool it. The handbrake worked if it wanted to so no hill parking, and we were in and out of the garage so much I was on first name terms with all the mechanics and half their family.

The garage ended up not charging me for Labour and agreed with me that the car was possessed and that they had no idea what to do next. Somewhat unluckily for DH and luckily for me, DH had a car crash in his nice and safe coupe (we’d both had the same car before kids as we liked it so much) and we freaked out that it could’ve been the kids in my car so used the insurance payout towards buying the tank that I have now that I adore. He’s got a few minor quirks but is an absolute beast who gives me very little trouble and is a joy to drive

My beloved Peugeot 406. Rust around every wheel, cornered like an ikea wardrobe in a shopping trolley, only the driver's window rolled down (but only by winding with one hand, and tugging at it with the other - had to stop to adjust it).

The back left tyre deflated constantly, no matter how new. Mice lived in the engine and ate all the foam/rubber/tubes each winter. Constantly popped cylinders, and none of the window/dashboard/heating electrics worked at all. The floor fell out of the boot, and the handbrake was so saggy I once managed to drive 100 miles up the motorway without noticing it was still on.

Didn't like the cold, didn't like the wet, didn't like the sun, didn't like the wind. Would possibly start after the fourth or fifth go, but would rather flood than move its lazy arse.

I cried when that car finally got towed away. But without it I would not have got to experience the joy of owning a car that starts the first time. Makes me smile every time I drive even years later. Wouldn't have that pleasure now if I hadn't had a ShitHeap then.

I had an old mini that the choke was held with a peg, always had to carry a spanner and hammer with me as the starter motor used to stick and a whack with a hammer was the only way to start it! A metro whos alarm would go off randomly when driving, usually as you were driving along a busy high street or stuck in traffic- I couldn’t stop it and just had to continue driving until it decided to stop. A ford ranger pickup which I swear was used for moving the previous owners stash of weed around - if you opened the rear cover in the summer the stench of weed was so bad you could get high off it! Nicknamed it the weed wagon, was always scared if the police would pull me over and open up the back!