Help me get shopping for first bra right!

[coviduality]

DD will be 11 in a couple of weeks, and is hitting puberty hard. She's a bit above average height for her age, a bit overweight, but in a sporty sort of way, ie chunky all over but strong and in proportion. She's wearing size 12-13 clothes.
She's been wearing crop tops for the last year or so, but her boobs seem to have suddenly grown over the last couple of weeks, and she started her periods last week.
She's feeling a bit low and sad, she doesn't want to have a 'lady's body', all of her friends have very tall athletic physiques and are nowhere near even starting puberty.
So, tomorrow I'm going to take her bra (and period pants) shopping. She's feeling v self conscious, she's worried that someone will 'try to help us', which she would hate, but she knows she needs a bra.
I measured her this evening, to avoid having to interact with anyone in shops, and the boob or bust website says she's a 28D! I'm not massively surprised as I'm a 32K and I don't think my boobs are enormous, but she is upset I think.
How can I manage tomorrow in the most sensitive way? Is M&S the best place to go? John Lewis? Steer clear of VS Pink right?! I want it to be a really positive experience but she just wants to be a little girl still .

I took my 11 year old DD for her first bra this week. I booked an appointment, on the app, for a first bra fitting at M&S. My daughter was nervous and upset before we left home ( tantrum about not going) but once we got there it was fine. They had a double changing room and I stayed in the exterior part with the fitter the entire time. I told her the size I thought DD might be, due to buying an ill fitting bra, and she did a quick under bust measurement then brought in a selection of sizes. DD put them on in private then said when she was ready for the lady to open the curtain. It was all very discrete and a very positive experience. My DD was relieved and reminded me we need to go back in 6 months! She now has what looks like a well fitting bra. I think I would possibly go somewhere that sells different makes of bra in the future. But this is good for now, we got very slightly padded bras, they come in a set of 2 nude and black or nude and white and they are comfortable and protect her modesty. I hope you have a positive experience too. I had to push for DD to have an appointment by saying I didn’t have time or cash to waste buying lots of different sizes. They recommend no underwire until they are older.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/4434221-First-bra-fitting-Central-London

I’ve started a similar thread recently that may be helpful to you. I’ve decided to stay clear of M&S and go to an independent shop or Rigby and Peller. That would involve assistant employees so might not be the best for you but lots of other helpful stuff.

Good luck!

Having tried out JL Debenhams and Vs with dd1 I have the say that the most positive but sadly the most expensive experience was actually pink at Victoria secret in MK. They do simple plain non wired non lacy bras . U can usually get in say cream, pale blue, black etc

That's a brilliant thread, thanks so much Orange... we're in London so perhaps I'll take her into town rather than the planned shopping centre. She absolutely 100% does not want an appointment/fitting, she's worried people will look at her, but I think we'll cope without...

@Getoutofbed25

I took my 11 year old DD for her first bra this week. I booked an appointment, on the app, for a first bra fitting at M&S. My daughter was nervous and upset before we left home ( tantrum about not going) but once we got there it was fine. They had a double changing room and I stayed in the exterior part with the fitter the entire time. I told her the size I thought DD might be, due to buying an ill fitting bra, and she did a quick under bust measurement then brought in a selection of sizes. DD put them on in private then said when she was ready for the lady to open the curtain. It was all very discrete and a very positive experience. My DD was relieved and reminded me we need to go back in 6 months! She now has what looks like a well fitting bra. I think I would possibly go somewhere that sells different makes of bra in the future. But this is good for now, we got very slightly padded bras, they come in a set of 2 nude and black or nude and white and they are comfortable and protect her modesty. I hope you have a positive experience too. I had to push for DD to have an appointment by saying I didn’t have time or cash to waste buying lots of different sizes. They recommend no underwire until they are older.

Ah yes I think I've seen these bra options on the M&S website - I'm pretty sure they're what we'll end up with. Interesting that your dd didn't want to speak to anyone but then was fine... I really hope we'll have the same experience!

While I'm here, does anyone know if any actual shops sell period pants or is it all online? Thinx, modibodi etc??

Just avoid M&S as they will put her in a 32B or 34A I guess?

She’s similar to my size, you will find nothing in M&S it’s pointless even looking for bras in there; they don’t recognise 28D at all.

If she is freaking out about having a womans body, then i dont see why she needs a proper bra yet. 28d is still quite small. A crop top or a pull on sports bra type in a small will be fine

I wouldn't go to M&S because it's introducing her to a lifetime of incorrectly fitted bras.

Rigby and Peller is the gold standard, you'll pay a lot but once you know the size you can shop online and in other stores much more easily.

Use the Facebook group boob or bust. You'll find lots of good info there and maybe a local independent retailer.
M and s is really bad for fitting the wrong size for everyone.

Ok no M&S! Isn't rigby and pellet all lace and whale bone?! I don't picture them as very 'teen'... I'll have a look at their website. Bravissimo are my go to but they don't have sizes small enough I don't think.
@Branleuse I did think that the crop tops were fine, she has loads of nice ones, but she's specifically said she thinks she needs a proper bra so I want to respect that

Just do it online? DD didn't want a fuss and shopping irl is always a pita. We just ordered online and kept what was suitable. Much more low key and less time consuming.

You can buy period pants in lots of shops - the primark ones are favourites around here. I wouldn't be suprised if you can buy them in M and S and JL too....although I don't know.

Following this thread as my daughter is 6 months away from this. JL is always my go to for bras so will probably start there. Although the recommendation for victorias secret is great.

You won’t necessarily pay a lot in Rigby and Peller. When I was fitted there many moons ago I came out with Freya bras (magnificently well fitted) which were very reasonably priced.

@MoiraNotRuby

Just do it online? DD didn't want a fuss and shopping irl is always a pita. We just ordered online and kept what was suitable. Much more low key and less time consuming.

I'm starting to think this may be easier. I thought it would be a lovely treat, a special mum/daughter outing, but I definitely don't want it to be stressful or unsuccessful! Why is this whole thing so tricky? Surely every single woman starts with small teen boobs?!

Tbh I think high street shopping in general is stressful and unsuccessful these days, let alone for underwear. For a child who doesn't want to 'be all grown up' I found it much easier not to make it a special occasion- it would have been for my benefit not hers. I found Peacocks to be quite good, not too frilly for a practical child.

I'm surprised she's a D cup and you're only just buying her a bra now.

@furbabymama87

I'm surprised she's a D cup and you're only just buying her a bra now.

But Op measured her using the BOB method. It’s hard to be smaller than a D using that. I’m sure M&S would say she was an A or a B because they use a plus 4 or more method for the underbust measurement.

OP, do Bravissimo not do it? I’m only a small bit bigger and they do my size. If not, Brastop. But she can stay in crop tops I’d think for now if she wants.

Rigby and Peller would be a good option if she is a D cup already. My boobs are huge but my back measurement is small and they have all of the weirder shapes and sizes covered. They’re also very discreet and helpful, but not intrusive. They know their product very well too so know what brands size up a bit small or large, which is helpful if you are not a standard size.

I just ordered a pile of different sizes and did an at home try on. Matalan actually has a good range of smaller sizes and styles in the girls section. Ideal when they’ll be grown out of quickly.

Mine seemed to find trying on loads at home and having to have me check it more embarrassing/stressful than the shop visit.

Honestly I think trying it at home and having a badly fitting bra would be more off putting than a trip to the shop.

There's no need to make a big deal about it. But you can still gently explain that we need to take care of our bodies by wearing correctly fitting clothes and the sooner we go the sooner it will be over with.

Having said that if you don't have lots of money to buy lots of sizes after all who does, asda vras aren't bad and they are pretty cheap.

direct.asda.com/george/women/all-lingerie/non-wired-bra-3-pack/GEM896383,default,pd.html?cgid=D1M18G1C1

direct.asda.com/george/women/all-lingerie/non-wired-t-shirt-bra-2-pack/GEM895990,default,pd.html?cgid=D1M18G1C1

direct.asda.com/george/women/lingerie/bras/white-lace-trim-non-wired-first-bras-2-pack/GEM896086,default,pd.html?cgid=D1M18G2C1

Boux Avenue have quite good sizes. If you’re thinking 28D just go in and pick some up to try and tell the assistant you don’t need help.

Well we did M&S but on our own. I measured at home using B&B method then we went in and picked up a load of plainish non-wired styles in that size and the ones either side and worked our way through them. As we honed in on what fitted and what she liked, I swapped out the definite nos and brought in a few more. Not traumatic, almost a fun bonding experience and confident that we got the right bras. No interference from shop assistants. She’s now 16 but still asks me to go with her for second opinion when bra shopping.

I remember going first bra shopping with my Mum. It was mortifying as we had my younger brother with us, sniggering away in the background. She also made a comment about me 'needing to remember to use deodorant' (I mean, she was probably right, but there's a time and place and that's not the changing rooms in Tammy Girl!)