Unconscious racism v face blindness

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I am DYING of cringe here.

I am white, live in a very MC white area, I can count on two hands the people of colour I know or even see. That’s the context/excuse/reason everyone thinks I’m a dick.

Person x is an ex colleague. I only worked with them for three days but we got on. Person y exactly the same circumstances, same job, worked together for a few days a week apart. Both these people worked with me for one day a week, for three weeks each, consecutively. You can see where this is going.

Both of these people are black.

In my industry it’s all quite forced intimacy, lots of best mate back slapping and hugs at the end of the night. So people I know on a ‘speak to’ level become bezzie mates when you see them out.

I met person X outside of work, months after they’d worked at my place. Introduced them to dh as Y. Called them Y several times. They answered to it! Didn’t correct me. Lots of hugs and rah rah back slapping, how’s so and so, how’s your night.

At work; referred to seeing Y at other work place, to much confusion. Didn’t expect to see them there, etc.

Months later, I see a random Facebook post of X working at the place, with name attached, and suddenly with creeping horror realise what I’ve done. In my absolute defence I am terrible with names/faces and tend to call everyone love, hun, mate to avoid this. I was so sure I knew his name! The names are not remotely similar, either.

I am cringing myself inside out thinking about it. I mix people up all the time, it only takes the same hair colour or the presence/absence of a beard, I’m a master at pretending to recognise people who clearly know me (I manage a pub, so this happens a lot).

This has really cringed me though because I know everyone I mentioned it to is going to think it’s because I’m a racist who can’t tell black people apart. I’ve already had that comment from a colleague.

Please help me out with anecdotes about face blindness and reassure me. X and y look nothing alike; the only characteristic they share is being black, but I also mix up beards, hair colour, noses. It’s awful though because literally the only shared characteristic is skin tone; the two of them couldn’t be more different otherwise.

@WorraLiberty

I disagree. I think it was a description of a certain kind of neighborhood. You jumped to conclusions.

Yes, a predominantly white neighbourhood.

So what does it being 'very middle-class' have to do with why there are no black/Asian people there?

It might well have demographic relevance depending on where the OP lives. It certainly can in my city. A middle class suburb will almost certainly have few black families, for example. Though the opposite is not true, some working class areas are mixed and others not.

But also when they are writing or speaking casually, people often just give a sort of generalized description of a place. It's urban, or middle class, or suburban, whatever. In this class the point the OP had to mention for teh story was that it was mostly white.

Jumping on this stuff and declaring people racists is not helpful to anyone.

@WorraLiberty

What are you talking about? "White" and "middle class" were obviously specific descriptions of OPs own town...nowhere did she say that it is middle class because it's predominantly white or that she thought other races wouldn't live in MC areas etc..

If that was the case the OP would've just said 'I live in a very white area', as being 'very middle-class' is completely irrelevant.

The OP was using it to explain why there were no black/Asian people there, or why mention it at all?

It being a MC area wasn't particularly relevant information but it's the way she describes the area she lives in 🤷🏽‍♀️ She didn't link the two things, you did that for her.

Whats 'middle class' got to do with it? Why not just say "I live in a white area and don't really know any black people"

The class bit is odd.. q lot of Welsh working class mining areas are white.. as are lots rural areas.. just say "white area".

So I don't get why class is relevant.. just say "white area"

It does reflect a bias..

An example non-race related would be for me to say "I got 2 fat people mixed up. I don't come across overweight people often. The people I socialise with are gym goers so pretty much all slim middle class fit people"

Umm okay but what has the middle class got to do with the whole fat/slim thing?

That's what previous poster is pertaining too. It's irrelevant information unless your unconscious bias links the two things.

Hope that makes sense.

My headteacher used to call me the name
Of the only other black woman at school. I eventually left.

Thank you @Grinchmas123, that's exactly what I was trying to say.

But you really should stop calling people "hun"!

@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek

I have face blindness and once walked straight past my own mother when I was meeting her off a train, because she had a different hairstyle to normal! My husband must hate watching films, dramas etc with me as I have to keep on interrupting it to ask him who someone is again...

Same. I’ve watched a whole dance recital following the wrong girl thinking she was my daughter. Movies with more than one blonde is a problem for me

Honesty you are really overthinking this
I’m shit at recognising anyone black or white

I’m black I used to get Denzil Washington
And Wesley Snipes mixed up 😂

My white husband would cringe at me