Would you find this odd or am I over thinking?

[YumCheeseYum]

I’ve been friends with Sheila (not her real name) for around 10 years. We rarely get together these days due to work and child commitments but we’re still in touch very regularly. Every other day at least.

Sheila is pregnant with her second child; she has a small age gap between her first and this baby.

Sheila has been talking excitedly for weeks about her upcoming scan where she was going to find out the sex of the baby; I’ve shared in this excitement.

Her scan was scheduled for this morning; we chatted again via text last night and again we talked excitedly about finding out the sex.

Since then, radio silence; but only to me! All of our mutual friends know the sex of her baby and all is well with the scan as she texted them announcing it. It’s not an oversight, the exact same thing happened with her first baby - she told everyone except me .

I don’t want to text her to ask as well, it seems desperate as she knows full well our mutual friends have told me.

I have noticed our conversations lately seem to stem around her need to tell me how much she has , how successful she is etc , just at a time when I’ve been down on luck thanks to covid.

Would you find this odd? I’m slightly hurt .

Over thinking. She only found out the sex this morning.

Slightly confused, do you know the sex or not?

And she's probably feeling hurt you haven't asked.
Just text her.

@MistySkiesAfterRain she found out this morning but has text all of our friendship group apart from me. I found out from our mutual friends who assumed I knew .

Nobody asked her as she announced it the minute she got out of her scan .

I'd message her and say "How did the scan go, I've been dying to know!" and take it from there.

@Stichintime

I'd message her and say "How did the scan go, I've been dying to know!" and take it from there.

I think this is the way to go.

I see what your saying about connecting it to other behaviour but it might be a genuine oversight if she’s composed a group message. There’s not enough to say she’s definitely game playing imho.

I did wonder if it was an oversight; but twice? In exactly the same way? When she was pregnant with her first she did exactly the same thing

If the regular contact is the giving of updates about Her Very Important Life and you are last to know her Very Important News I would say reading between the lines you aren't really that important..

Is that something you’re likely to get an answer to? I’m not saying you’re not right just that on the face of it you do have to overthink it to see anything amiss iyswim. Only you know the in’s and outs but it seems you’re heading into territory where you should really be considering your friendship, that’s fine if that’s what you want but this instance in itself is probably easily resolved by just asking her how her scan went. If it evolves into something more when you’ve asked her and she gives you reason to suspect there’s more to it then you can deal with that.

She may have a group contact set up that accidentally doesn't include you.

Is it possible that she set up a text group to let everyone know at once rather than type out individual messages when she knew about her first baby’s gender and somehow your number got missed off without her realising?

Then it’s happened again and she hasn’t had any other reason during the two scans to make a group text?

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies those are my thoughts; it just smacks of putting me in my place around her priorities.

I am starting to question the friendship as she only ever seems to include me when she has something to “show off” to me; it’s become more noticeable as time has gone on.

I am the pauper of our friendship group having lost quite a lot in recent years whereas others in our circle are soaring in all areas in their lives. I am very happy for them, but she is the only one who expects me to be jealous because I don’t have the same as them.

Onwards and upwards; I was a bit down about it earlier but I plan to distance myself.

She text everyone individually so I have not been accidentally missed off the group.

Sadly she only needs you to make her look better.. She currently has Very Important News to keep her ratings high.
When she fades with others you will be reinstated..if you let her. Back away op. She is a user..

I had a friend just like this of 8 years, slowly she became incredibly competitive with life to the point she was sour when my partner gave me a promise ring - as a wind up I sent a photo of my left hand and a ring, we was on the phone and I heard the snarl behind the comment "your engaged" so I cut ties from there and the last time we spoke is over a year ago.. not a very helpful story but sometimes friendships just run their course I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's probably waiting for you to ask if you’ve been talking about it (as opposed to other people who she needs to tell because she assumes they won’t ask)??

And you found out because another friend text you to tell you the sex of the baby? Why did they do that? Seems pretty odd.

Tbh It sounds like you are all way over invested in this.

I mean you did purposefully wind your friend up according to you @Tiredbear1011. Either way it doesn’t sound like a particularly healthy friendship but it doesn’t sound like her reaction was completely unwarranted given you were looking to get a reaction. It’s not often only one person is aware of game playing/dynamics.

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Sadly she only needs you to make her look better.. She currently has Very Important News to keep her ratings high. When she fades with others you will be reinstated..if you let her. Back away op. She is a user..

Yes I think this is it in a nutshell, unfortunately.

[quote YumCheeseYum]@Santaisstilleatingmincepies those are my thoughts; it just smacks of putting me in my place around her priorities.

I am starting to question the friendship as she only ever seems to include me when she has something to “show off” to me; it’s become more noticeable as time has gone on.

I am the pauper of our friendship group having lost quite a lot in recent years whereas others in our circle are soaring in all areas in their lives. I am very happy for them, but she is the only one who expects me to be jealous because I don’t have the same as them.

Onwards and upwards; I was a bit down about it earlier but I plan to distance myself.[/quote]
But by that logic surely she should have been ‘showing off’ about the sex of her baby?

I wouldn't over think i would text and ask how jt went. Maybe them people did,maybe they text wishing luck etc you wouldn't know people tell you what they want too.

Have you text her to ask how the scan went?

I suppose my question is ‘why’. Why would she deliberately do this? Is there something she gets from doing this? It feels unlikely. Ask her and see her response.
You said you haven’t seen her in a while so perhaps she tells those closer to her first.
Is she happy with the resulting sex?

Maybe she was secretly upset with result and spoke with those closer to her first.

Is she the kind of person with a lot of friends? Probably an oversight and there are others like you .

I text her this morning asking her to let me know how it goes , she read it but has not replied and has since text everyone else. We’ve been in the same friendship group for years, she is no closer to the others than she is to me.

To the pp who said we’re over invested, the point isn’t really about the result of the scan, it’s about whether I need to bow out of this friendship. It feels like she’s playing a silly game and the friendship has headed in to one up manship.