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Original poster

DS giving impression she is seriously ill (and isnt)

112 replies

WantonRadish · 11/01/2022 20:55

Name changed.

My sister has a blood condition that doesnt affect her day to day. She is fit and well, but she takes a pill every day and technically it is referred to as oral chemotherapy. It is not life limiting.

She has quarterly check ups at hospital. They take blood, she gets results immediately, never had issues.

This is my problem - she refers to the condition as cancer, posts on social media about her chemo, references her condition in most conversations, talks about how vulnerable she is.

I'm finding it very distasteful and am losing any respect for her. I have friend and family who have had cancer, they've went through gruelling chemo, they've spent nights wondering how many months they had left, their lives were turned upside down.

I feel like my sister is seeking attention. She is presenting herself as a cancer victim. She is very selective about what she shares, always designed for maximum drama.

I've had 6 years of it. I was sympathetic at first but now it's become like her hobby and I'm sickened by it. If think if I voiced my opinion that would be the end of our relationship, and I dont want that.

Am I being awful? Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 11/01/2022 20:57

She is attention seeking but unfortunately like you say there's not a lot you can do without it leading to a falling out.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 11/01/2022 20:58

Whats her condition exactly?

katienana · 11/01/2022 21:00

I get that it's annoying but I would try and feel sorry for her, that she is building her whole identity around this condition. Chemotherapy just means drug therapy and is used to treat many conditions.

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Families
JennieTheZebra · 11/01/2022 21:01

If the pill is methotrexate then the side effects are pretty nasty, tbh. She might feel iller than she looks.

All4Love · 11/01/2022 21:03

Blood condition
Takes oral chemo tablets everyday
Quarterly check ups

Maybe she does have cancer.

FawnFrenchieMum · 11/01/2022 21:04

I have someone in my family just like this. I tend to just not comment on it as the less attention it gets the better.

That said, if they medication is equivalent to chemo then it will make her very vulnerable and although she has no issues while taking it, she must have a fairly serious condition to be given that drug and monitoring. I take a similar medication and whilst most people would never know and wi would appear fit & healthy to most. It is daunting knowing without the medication I could be pretty ill. I was (am) on the CEV list, I have been identified as needing the urgent anti-virals should I catch covid etc but I still work, take the kids to hobbies etc

Innocenta · 11/01/2022 21:07

Check out Marc Feldman's work - she may not be an extreme example, but could have some factitious traits. There are multiple places online to find out more too. Sadly many women find comfort and attention in illness identity.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 11/01/2022 21:08

Does she have cancer?

Can’t really comment without knowing if this “blood condition” is cancer or not.

If it isn’t, then she is BU.

LoveFall · 11/01/2022 21:11

I have ulcerative colitis and have had to take very strong medications that are also used as chemotherapy agents. It is one of those diseases where you may not look sick but you are really struggling.

At least one of the common meds has appearance related side effects. Some are awkward to travel with and take (nightly enemas).

All of the medications interfere with your immune system in some way. Fatigue is a huge problem.

I have had to miss out on many activities with family and friends.

At certain times I have resorted to explaining to others that my medication is a form of chemotherapy. And ulcerative colitis is not just a minor "tummy ache."

Maybe your sister feels the same.

Havilland · 11/01/2022 21:20

She could be milking it or she could genuinely have anxiety about her condition and reassurance and support from others makes her feel better.

You are looking from the outside at her and cannot see what she actually is feeling inside herself.

SilverHairedCat · 11/01/2022 21:22

What's the blood condition? What's the medication?

Slingingcontest · 11/01/2022 21:23

Not commenting specifically on your sister, as strangers on a forum can't possibly judge if she is being truthful or not. But the thing with people who falsify or exaggerate is, they obviously have some need in them for attention, owing to some mh condition, or some frailty of character. And obviously you don't want to feed it, but I don't think it's good to totally ignore it either, as that just exacerbates the issue. I think you kind of have to show them support and meet them where they are at, without being drawn in to the specifics. Or at least have the decency to challenge them (gently) about it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/01/2022 21:23

@WantonRadish

Name changed.

My sister has a blood condition that doesnt affect her day to day. She is fit and well, but she takes a pill every day and technically it is referred to as oral chemotherapy. It is not life limiting.

She has quarterly check ups at hospital. They take blood, she gets results immediately, never had issues.

This is my problem - she refers to the condition as cancer, posts on social media about her chemo, references her condition in most conversations, talks about how vulnerable she is.

I'm finding it very distasteful and am losing any respect for her. I have friend and family who have had cancer, they've went through gruelling chemo, they've spent nights wondering how many months they had left, their lives were turned upside down.

I feel like my sister is seeking attention. She is presenting herself as a cancer victim. She is very selective about what she shares, always designed for maximum drama.

I've had 6 years of it. I was sympathetic at first but now it's become like her hobby and I'm sickened by it. If think if I voiced my opinion that would be the end of our relationship, and I dont want that.

Am I being awful? Has anyone experienced this?

You've not given her actual diagnosis, but the medications you are implying are known to increase the risk of premature death; the balance is whether somebody wants to have something resembling a life now + potentially die early of infection or cancers or whether they want to not have a decent life now + still die early of untreated/uncontrolled disease activity out of fear of the medication.

Some of the side effects can be really, really tough, too.

madisonbridges · 11/01/2022 21:25

I have a friend who died of cancer a couple of years ago after a grueling illness.
I have a relation with leukaemia. He takes no medication. They're watching and waiting. So his cell numbers are acceptable at present, but who knows what they will be like next time he's tested. He is very worried and tries to take of himself with his diet and social distancing.
Occasionally I might pull his leg but I have never looked down on him for being scared at about his future or talking about his illness. I am always supportive because who knows what might happen. Because a friend died of cancer, it doesn't mean I can't feel sympathy for someone who, thank god, hasn't died and who hopefully won't.

merrygoround23 · 11/01/2022 21:27

My dad had this as a treatment for moderate psoriasis and he says the same, bedridden all day after his treatment. Idk how it works or how genuine he is, he's had a past of being a compulsive liar but hey ho

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/01/2022 21:33

@merrygoround23

My dad had this as a treatment for moderate psoriasis and he says the same, bedridden all day after his treatment. Idk how it works or how genuine he is, he's had a past of being a compulsive liar but hey ho
If it's methotrexate, side effects include

Chucking your guts up
Feeling sick all week
Unable to tolerate dairy, carbs or fat without chucking up
Diarrhoea and associated cramps
Severe headache
Liver failure
Uncontrolled infection/sepsis
Severe gum disease

I got funded for the injectable version in an attempt to reduce the puking risk. It worked to some extent. Ish. A bit. Didn't even bloody work enough for the Psoriasis or Psoriatic arthritis, though - got taken off it when there were signs of kidney infection going mad.

Crunchymum · 11/01/2022 21:35

@WantonRadish

What is the condition and what is the medication?

notangelinajolie · 11/01/2022 21:37

YABU. Having to take any kind of medication for life and then having to go for regular blood tests and check ups is not easy. It doesn't have to be cancer. There are all kinds of conditions people live with, some life changing, some not. But you would never know what is going on behind their smiles and apparent good health. I speak from experience. The not knowing if everything is ok in-between check ups can be very dehabilitating and messes with your mind. Your life is never the same again.

namechangerqwerty · 11/01/2022 21:42

My DM has this condition, or at lest something similar. Her body makes too many blood cells

Sorry but it is blood cancer. It's thankfully not life limiting in the way other cancers may be.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/01/2022 21:46

Maybe she’s wanting to talk about it because it affects her everyday life, maybe she needs support.

I can see why you name changed.

Original poster
WantonRadish · 11/01/2022 21:50

I'd rather not name the condition as it might be too identifying and lead to a fall out.

I do take the point that it's not nice to have any condition. But I'm pleased it's a condition that doesnt really affect her or stop her living a full life with normal life expectancy. I think she should appreciate that too, rather than going to great lengths to present herself as a sick person.

OP posts:
Original poster
WantonRadish · 11/01/2022 21:52

But it doesnt affect her everyday life @TabithaTittlemouse! She takes a pill at 6pm. That's it.

OP posts:
HIMYMFan · 11/01/2022 21:52

I take an oral chemotherapy for something that isn't cancer, but the only way to treat it is to treat it the same as cancer. I also take a mix of other medications, strong painkillers because Im in constant pain for instance.

I'm constantly tired, I don't let on how much it is affecting me mentally or physically, but I do make jokes about it as it's my way of coping. I have a part time job and children to look after/feed/ensure they don't see me too ill. I put on a brave face daily even though I'm exhausted. My mum thinks I'm lazy as my house is a mess during the week. DH does all the cleaning and cooking at the weekend, he's an absolute star.

Go a little easier on your sister, she may not be letting on how ill she is and her medication might be affecting her more than she's letting on.

Knobblebobble · 11/01/2022 21:53

Not every one has bad effects from methotrexate. I don't.

It sounds like the poster knows her sister and her condition isn't cancer and she's deliberately "playing it up" for sympathy. Let's not all jump on the bandwagon of poor thing nasty OP doesn't know what she's talking about....

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 11/01/2022 21:57

I take methotrexate weekly in injection form. Have done for 8 years as well as biologics and other meds. It makes me feel like rot sometimes, other times not so much.

Does she have cancer? If not then she is unreasonable saying she has